(Closed) To those against marrying young – what would you do in my case?

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Remember, those people didn’t get married for a reason.  That reason isn’t the number of years that they have been on this planet.  Most times, it’s because they weren’t with who they were supposed to be with.  It’s not like you just met this guy and are jumping into this.  If you are concerned, why not try marriage conseling, just to make sure that you guys are on the same page about the important things.

Post # 4
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would stop being defensive and not care what other people thing about my personal situation and decision-making.

Post # 5
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think that there is nothing wrong for you two to get engaged and married at this point if you both are on the same page with career goals and what you want out of life. If you can both be happy without ever dating anyone else and in the career options you want, with the flexibility to know that it all could change, go for it.

If you asked this while you were still in college, before you were moving in together, I would have begged you to take just one year living apart and not financially entangled. It teaches you a lot and it helps you realize who you want to be. For many people, they choose to be together. Other people realize it isn’t what they want. Seeing that you skipped that step, if you are both on the same page, I would say get married.

Post # 7
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Getting married at 24 is different than getting married at 18, which is what the other thread is about.

There are also more options than marrying or breaking up. I dont see anyone saying that if you are in a happy relationship you should  break up to experience life. There are plenty of couples that live together or date for many, many years until they are ready for marriage. Sometimes it’s financial reasons, wanting to finish school, traveling, career..whatever the reason may  be. We arent saying that you (edit: not you personally, I mean in general) should never get married ever, but waiting a few years isn’t always the worst thing either.

Post # 8
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am not against young marriage, I am against rushing into marriage just because you are tired of waiting or whatever reason.

I think you are ready for marriage, but I see all kinds of women on here (of all differnet ages) trying to push engagement/marriage for whatever reason, and I just shake my head. If you have to push  for any reason – its not right!

Post # 9
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Maybe it’s just me but I don’t think 24 is that young. If you were 18-20 then it would be one thing but at 24, Darling Husband and I were already engaged and married at 25 (and a ½ to be exact, lol). I’m personally not a fan of marrying young since I’m normally on team “why rush” but I don’t really consider you to fall into that category. However, I have found that 25 seems to be the magic number where people automatically think that marriage is fine. 

Post # 10
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

@UpstateCait:  totally agree! I know a lot of people that have gotten married at 24.  18 is what the other thread was about.

Post # 12
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

In response to your edit, my view on people getting married young is that they really don’t know themselves well enough to know who they will be down the road. For me, I needed to live alone, pay my own bills, and get my career established before I knew myself well enough to be able to commit to someone else. By 24 I was ready.

Other people don’t need those steps and are perfectly happy committing while they still are establishing themselves. That’s great, but it gets tough when one partner changes what they want out of life. Some of the happiest couples that I know have been dating (without a break) since they were 16. Some of the worst divorces I have seen were couples who were dating since they were 16. It depends on you, your partner, your relationship, and what you want out of life.

I would have never dated my Fiance in high school or college or grad school (I wasn’t cool enough for him in high school, he wasn’t cool enough for me in college or grad school. Post grad school coolness no longer mattered as much). I needed to get out of my party girl phase where I dated the cool guys with the awesome cars (which really didn’t fit my nerd-like personality) and he needed to get out of nerd mode where he didn’t have time to date (which didn’t work well with his extroverted personality). Now we are more mature and are better able to commit because we know who we are. That was us, for you it could be different. You could be one of the lucky ones who never has to have a broken heart. 😉

Post # 13
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am against getting married young AND not having a job, degree, or financial stability. So, for instance, you get engaged at 19 and married at 20 but neither of you are going to school or wanting to go to school and both of you are working retail for minimum wage. That doesn’t seem responsible.

I also believe that life experiences, more than age, shape who you are and your maturity level. For me, it was a MUST that I travel, have at least 1 or 2 serious relationships, and live on my own. I did it all by 25, so now I feel like I’ve seen enough to know what is out there and to make an educated guess (which is what all marriages are in the end).

Post # 14
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t really consider 24 to be that young. Youth tends to accompany immaturity and inability to fully handle adult life. You don’t seem to be there.

Like a PP said, I always encourage people to wait until after college graduation because there can be a lot of changes in that year when each partner decides what they want out of life–if that is their situation, obviously.

We will have been together 9 years as mid April, and we started talking about marriage right around 19. (We’re 26 now) I’m glad we waited. We both had our own experiences as individuals at that time while staying committed as a couple.

Post # 16
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think 18-22 is too young. I would suggest to most people I know to wait til about 25ish. I don’t think 24 is too young. Too young for me personally, but I have lots of cousins/friends/coworkers/etc who got married around 25 and are still married and happy. Most did not rush into children and are vacationing, working on careers, and just enjoying time together.

So, as someone who doesn’t support getting married at a super young age, I think if I were you I would get married if that was what I wanted. I think you are an adult and should live your life.

The topic ‘To those against marrying young – what would you do in my case?’ is closed to new replies.

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