(Closed) To those who gave ultimatums, do you regret it now?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 166
Member
7591 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yes, an ultimatum to your hypothetical ultimatum 🤪. I don’t know your situation but as long as you and your SO are on the same page and both happy with where the relationship is and where it’s headed, that is all that matters. 

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whatdoidonow123 :  

Post # 167
Member
10 posts
Newbee

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tiffanybruiser :  Haha, yes, he sure did, didn’t he? Shake my head.

It was an emotional reaction that night caused by an outside force. I was doing just fine with the way things were going until someone else’s situation made me self-reflect on us. Emotional outburst aside, I am serious about the 10 year mark and he knows I am serious about it. I will be 33 by then. Not a bad age to tie the knot and still get some things sorted out (like my career aspirations). 

 

Thanks for your insight. I definitely need to have a heart to heart with him about some of my concerns with us… (raising kids, household chores, compromising) etc.

 

Post # 168
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee

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whatdoidonow123 :  What is your plan if he doesn’t propose? Guys don’t propose either because they aren’t certain about their girlfriend (or know she’s not the one) or because they are not financially/emotionally/mentally mature. Which is it for your boyfriend? You’re almost 30 and have been together for almost 6 year.

He has made it clear that if you demand marriage he is more than willing to leave. That is how much he values the relationship.

Post # 169
Member
10 posts
Newbee

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anonymousbee001 :  Oh wow… I guess that’s why I’m posting on here. 

 

When we started, I was completely absorbed in my career and not looking to date. I told him I wanted to take it day by day. We took things slowly. Since the beginning, he talks about relationships that tend to end in divorce are ones where there’s pressure to tie the knot when someone is not ready. Thus, that started the foundation of no ultimatums on either side. This is also always something my mom has advised me about… That there is no need to rush anything and when the time is right, the couple will both feel it is right.

 

He reviewed his life goals with me and we are 20% where we want to be before getting engaged. For most guys, they would be happy and would get engaged by now with the level of wealth but he said he wants to be at a certain level. He is mature emotionally and mentally. Another goal he has is to take care of his parent’s retirement, which is respectable. He also said that after marriage, there’s lots of pressure to have kids. 

 

I guess I have lots to talk about with him… But I’m focused on building my career at the moment…

 

We have talked about age as a potential pressure but, we are both willing to adopt. He is okay with IVF or surrogacy. I am leaning towards a no on paying so much money into that when there are so many kids that need parents out there. The pressure to have kids is a want but not a need because I am open to adoption.

 

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