Post # 1
So I need some advice. SO and I had talks about being married and knowing how weird I am, he wanted me to have exactly what I wanted. We shopped online for stones. We chose a center stone and when the time was right we bought it. I picked the side stones and OKd the purcahase with him because they matched and were a good fit. I did most the resarch on our custom jeweler. We picked out designs in email and in person and I okayed the wax model alone when he got stuck at work and couldnt make the appointment.
We had said once I okayed that, he would know the rest and I’d be kept in the dark so he could surpise me. I thought it was sweet. Well the ring is ready and he told me he wants me to try it on and OK the final ring this weekend. Then he wants to take it back!
I feel like if we had stuck to the plan of me not knowing I’d be fine waiting. But to have it on my finger and then put it in a box I think would drive me nuts! Everything he would do would be “is this it?” and I’m worried about becoming anxious or frustrated if he waits too long. I told him as much nicely, and he said I could just wear it if I wanted. I know he meant it in a way of “I want everything perfect for you” but I feel like the surprise is kind of spoiled now.
I still want some kind of moment even though we arent very traditional. I guess I feel like with me doing so much for it, I still want a moment or story to tell down the line. I’m torn and wondering if I’m being silly? What would it matter really to wait for awhile? Do I really need a story? I guess I want to feel proposed To in a traditional way instead of just feeling like we had a conversation and went shopping. Granted a very special shopping experience a I’ve never had a custom made anything.
How would you feel?
Post # 2
I personally wouldn’t have gone and picked my own ring if I wanted a surprise. I have a love/hate relationship with surprises but I wanted my engagement to be one of them since there aren’t that many grand surprises in life. I showed my Fiance what I liked online and then we looked at rings in person and he saw exactly what I wanted. I left it alone after that and let him pick it. He got exactly what I wanted with an even better quality diamond. I think the surprise of the whole thing is the moment they pull out a ring and ask and you had no idea it was coming at that time. Thats just me though. I personally think the fact that you’ve gone through all of this to get the ring and all, there isn’t much of a surprise left. It’s kinda just a connect-the-dots thing to wait to get it so you can start planning?
Post # 3
My automatic response would have been “You put that ring on my finger and you will never get it back!”
So, no. I would not be ok with waiting. To each their own, but you have to decide for yourself what you are ok with and make sure that the two of you are on the same page.
Post # 4
AT first I didnt care about being surprised since I was on board with wanting to pick it out. It was his idea to leave me in the dark at the end because he wanted to surprise me with exactly when, to make a gesture. Over the process I grew to enjoy the idea and realized I actually did have a part of myself that cared about having a little proposal story.
Now the plan has changed and I’m unsure, if that helps.
Post # 5
I think you would be surprised how many of us did not have surprise proposals. In my case, I was along for every step of the way but DH still made it a point to get down on a knee and do a formal proposal in front of our friends after he got the ring.
Post # 6
Why don’t you tell him that you don’t want to okay the ring this weekend and to propose to you on his own timing? Did the jeweler have a deadline to okay the ring? Mine didn’t. I took it back a week after the proposal to get it sized properly and got it back at the end of the same day.
Post # 7
that’s a good idea. There’s no deadline. I think just knowing it is there is enough to make me anxious though.
We talked some more. He knows we can always return for any issues but REALLY wants me there when he gets it. So we’re going together and since I work later that day we’ll have a nice fancy date night the next day to celebrate. That was he doesn’t worry something isn’t right with the ring and I’m not on pins & needles waiting.
Post # 8
- Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion
I was in a similar situation as you, OP. My husband and I picked out a ring design to be custom made at a local jeweler. They had his contact info and called him when it was ready. I didn’t know when the ring would be made or when the proposal would come but I knew it would be by the end of June. I forget why that time period was chosen. Anyway, he proposed on May 21 and it was lovely and I was still surprised. So it is possible to pick out a ring together and still have a romantic proposal. 🙂