(Closed) To Wait or Not To Wait? Advice Wanted!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Do what -you- want to do, not what they want you to do. You have to do what’s best for you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend. You can’t rush into an engagement to please your family. You’re young and you’ve got a lot of life ahead of you… take your time!

Post # 4
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would wait. I got engaged at 19 after four months, but we had things figured out and knew how to communicate without fighting (disagreements are “normal,” imo, but all-out fighting is not–it’s a sign that you need to work on communication). I would postpone the engagement until you have things figured out a little more–do not let your family dictate when you get engaged, especially if you think it might be a mistake to do it right now.

Post # 5
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

“my boyfriend and I are freshman in college and both 19 years old. We have been dating for 6 months”

 

No way, so much can change in a year when youre that age and in College. Dont do it.

You think you have it all figured out at that age but you dont, you may have a head on your shoulders but you will be a totally different person in your 20’s.

Dont live for your family, live for yourself. Theyre not the ones in the marriage you will be.

Post # 6
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

IMO if you’ve decided that you want to get married then you are engaged. That’s what engaged means. Just because you don’t call him fiance or wear a ring doesn’t mean it’s not at that level.

I definitely think you should wait to get married, but it seems like you already have that planned. Your family would be okay with you being sexually active if you called your Boyfriend or Best Friend your FI? I think it would just stir the pot if they expect a wedding soon after an engagement and then you don’t do it for 4 years.

Being young and having a somewhat uncertain relationship is just how it is at that age. You have a great chance to grow together. To save some money. And to be certain of the life course that you want. I know I changed immensely between 19 and 24 so given your current sitation I see no reason to make it more official than it is.

Just hold on and practice patience.

Post # 7
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

You’ve mentioned that you two are young a few times and you’re not sure if you’re ready for an engagement. You have been with your SO for 6 months. The combination of your age and length of relationship should be concerning. Even if you say you’re mature and know what you want, I think it’s important to take this slow. Get to know each other better. I have been with my SO for 2 years, and I’m still learning things about him everyday. You’re planning on moving to FL when you graduate, but that’s in 4 years. So much can happen in the span of that time, and I highly recommend listening to your feelings. (wanting to be financially secure and done w/ school before getting married)

You can’t make decisions just to please your family, especially when it comes to a long-term commitment. Your family should support your decision and understand that despite “the norm” in your family, you’re not ready to be engaged. 

Post # 8
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

Do you think a promise ring would symbolize commitment enough to pacify your family?

Post # 9
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Oneeleven: Thats a good idea!

Post # 10
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m going to be a bit harsh, but I think it has to be said. it doesn’t appear that your family has set a pristine example for marrying early. Your father has been married and divorced 3 times and your mother isn’t in your life anymore. So when you say that “It is fairly normal in my family to either marry young, or marry early on in a relationship” maybe that should be a clue to you that it might not be the best idea….

Preparing for backlash….

Post # 11
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If you feel it in your heart than get engaged. A wedding can always wait. Me and my fiance have been engaged 2 1/2 years and finally set a date for this spring.

Post # 12
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

“my boyfriend and I are freshman in college and both 19 years old. We have been dating for 6 months but we’re extremely close and definitely in love”

Holy moly, SLOW DOWN and let yourself become, well, yourself before getting engaged or married. Your future self will thank you. You have lightyears of change and growth ahead of you – do that first, settle down second!

Post # 13
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@CanAmBride: I totally 100% agree with you.

The statistics about young marriages are staggeringly negative.

Post # 14
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@CanAmBride: I don’t think you were harsh at all, in fact, I agree with you.

 

Don’t make yourself another statistic, just cause your parents are comfortable with it… Marriage is a -lifelong- commitment… a promise, and jumping into it out of pressure can result in a lot of uneccesary pain and difficulties that can be avoided by maturing and growing together and individually.

Post # 15
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

My husband and I were in your position 7 years ago.  We waited until we graduated college and had good, steady jobs before getting married, and I am so glad we waited.  We saw some of our peers get married in college (mostly because their super traditional parents pressured them into it) and, to be honest, they struggled quite a bit more than we did.  Financially, emotionally, and education-wise, they had a harder time than we did.  We got married exactly one year after graduation, and now we have a house (and a rental property), no student loans, great health insurance, complete undergrad (and soon to be grad!) degrees, live independently of our parents, etc…  

Not everyone has the same story, and it might be right for you two to be married now instead of waiting, but I wanted to share a positive experience in waiting until after college.

Post # 16
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

@Ugoob: Totally agree. You can’t live your life to please your family. 20-24 is one of the biggest growth/development times for women. So much will change between now and then. If you really know he’s the one, then waiting 4 years won’t matter.

From another perspective, after a 4 year engagement, a lot of people start to wonder if you’ll ever even get married and/or stop being excited for you. Not that it matters to a lot of people, but it can take the wind out of your sails. 😉

The topic ‘To Wait or Not To Wait? Advice Wanted!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors