Post # 1
Me and my fiance have been engaged for a couple of months now. My parents and family were never excited. I have a 3 year old and they said the only man that needs to be in her life is my father (her dad left) so they are beyond mad about the whole thing. His family was excited for the engagement and helpful at first. Things have started to change. Of course we don’t discuss anything with my family but when we try to with his family, they blow it off and change the subject. At first I just told myself the excitement of my Future Sister-In-Law baby was priority (born august) (which I totally think it should have been). But now we are months past that and things still haven’t changed. I feel like because I have a child I am damaged goods to his family. But this isnt just about them i just wanted to vent that.
When he asked his mom if she would be willing to help with the wedding she said with the grooms half but it was my family’s responsibility to pay for it. I understand what the tradition is and don’t want her to be obligated to pay for it. But she also knows my parents are in bankruptcy and my mother is chrinically ill. I just feel like I have recieved the obligation of paying for the whole wedding by myself, with a 3 year old, with no help and I am desperately trying to grauate college the week before the wedding so we can start our lives together. However, her daughter got married and her husband’s family could not afford to pay so they bought the whole wedding down to the bridesmaid’s dresses and groomsmen’s tuxes. Reguardless now, she has retracted the whole thing and is not paying anything. Which is fine if i have a wedding, I’d prefer the satisfaction of knowing I did it myself. but they also always talk about his sister’s wedding was so great and well done and mine should be the same. I know I am not going to do that because I can not afford it on my own.
My fiance does not like decision making at all. In fact none of my bridal party except the best man and his girlfriend offer any help as odd as that is. We decided to wait until tax returns (with in the next 3 weeks) to pay for the wedding. I called every venue between my family and his and they are all booked. My family will not come to my wedding unless it is close for them and basically the same for his family. Ofcourse All I have are my grand parents, parents, and sister so this is basically for his family anyways.
And another stress which isnt wedding related: When I first came around, they treate my daughter so well!! It was like she was a grand daughter. They visited all the time and asked to babysit. It was everything I could have prayed about. But now they have a blood grandchild. And I understand its different but now thats all they talk about to me and my daughter is the grandbaby. I understand, but they do it so much my daughter is upset saying “they really like that baby now momma.” Thats not fair to my little girl not because they like the new baby more but because they used to do all of this with her and now they dont ask for anything related to her. Its like she was just a temporary play grandchild until the real one came.
But with all this said, I am ready to just go to the beach him, my daughter, and me and elope on what was supposed to be the honeymoon. I am tired of all the stress. I really dont want the wedding because i have no real family in a sense that really want the wedding, they told me to go to the court house because I have a child a wedding is out of the question now. I am tired of his family insisting on the wedding knowing I am bascically on my own with it and not offering even ADVICE to us. I promise I am not jealous at all of his sister I am just disappointed. I am disappointed that his sister got all this help and stuff and they dont really care to do anything for their son, that my parents are not excited (i am not close to them either ever since my mom developed a drug habit and was in and out of jail) and i am upset for my daughter but theres nothing I can do. I know deep down inside he wants a wedding but he has been so dependent on his mom he expects me to kinda take that place and make all the big moves. I can not take it all on. I want to elope… Should I save my sanity and do what I want at the beach or keep feeding this and have a wedding since I don’t want his to resent me for not giving him that even though he isnt helping at all? I just need advice on this really, maybe someways to take some of the wedding stress off of my shoulders? Idk Something 🙂 haha
Post # 3
I don’t really know what to say, but I’m sorry you’re going through this. And, in all honesty, I’d probably just elope if I was in your situation. You want to remember the day you got married as a happy one, not one that you will resent, and it sounds like you’re already there. If that means a beach, your Fiance, you and your daughter then so be it! As long as it makes YOU and your Fiance happy!
All the best and I hope things turn around for you!
Post # 4
In reading your story I really feel like I was reading a story from one of my friends. This was almost her exact situation. The had a ceremony at city hall so they could have their child and went to dinner with any family who wanted to support them and then they went on their honeymoon and had an actual ceremony. They debated for a while and are very happy they went this route.
Sorry this has happened to you, but with a baby and still trying to finish college you could save money and stres and just elope with the one you love. Hope it all works out for you.
Post # 5
This is a great option! I had not considered this. Thank You so much!
Post # 6
So your Fiance will not help you with wedding expenses?
Do what you and your FI want. Don’t kiss his family’s behind, especially if they are not offering to help.
Post # 7
I would elope. It sounds like the only person who wants anything near a formal wedding (formal meaning not an elopment in this case) is the groom, but he can’t/won’t take on responsibility for it. I’d let him know what you want and are willing to plan (the elopement) and ask him what he wants and is willing to do. (It has to be both, if he wants a formal wedding, he has to be willing to do the work for it.) Ask him what he’d like included in the elopement (a particular place, meal, etc.) and go from there.
Post # 8
Thats what I thought. Just get one of those all inclusive beach packages. Get married at noon, do pictures, and go to a nice dinner. 500 for the package, and maybe 50 for dinner. Just means more money to put towards a house, or just extra spending money for vacation. Sounds more reasonable to me too. I’m going to talk to him about it for sure.
Post # 9
- Wedding: February 2012 - Patrick C. Haley Mansion, Joliet, IL
I get that your Fiance doens’t like making decisions, but he’s got to help make this decision. The decision about a wedding and everything after can’t be made by just you.
I’m glad to hear you haven’t confronted his family about the change. You can’t/shouldn’t do that until you know where your Fiance stands on the situation.
I’m also glad that the one thing you know for sure is that you are going to make this work one way or another. I’m proud of you for keeping your eye on what’s really important: a lifetime with a man you love.
Post # 10
Thanks for reassuring me but Lord it seems like it never ends. haha I spoke with my Fiance about the matter and we agreed on eloping. Well me and the Wedding Officiant (at the beach) were chatting on facebook on details and my Future Mother-In-Law I suppose saw it. My Fiance was supposed to be the one to tell her the change in plans. Obviously there was a communication glitch and he didn’t. So she is texting and calling me asking to plan the wedding now. And I just don’t know what to say. lol
I believe we may have found a great middle ground! The riverboat company in Chattanooga has an intimate wedding package 20 people, dinner, officiant, cake on a cruise for under 2,000. Its really a great deal. All we would need is a great photographer and It’d be enough for my grand parents, his immediate family, and my best friend to come. Less stress and all the beautiful scenery of the Tennessee Rivers and Mountains! Hopefully they will have booking room for us,if not, I just want to be married so off to the beach we go!
Post # 11
I did something pretty similar. I am pretty much estranged from my family, so basically it would have been like we were hosting a wedding for DH’s family and friends, and a couple of my friends. We had a nice ceremony in a beautiful location, stayed two nights there, ($500 with wedding and two nights) and then went on a Carnival Cruise for our honeymoon.
It was lovely. I have NO regrets!
See the waterfall in the background?
Good look! Please keep us posted!
Post # 12
Beautiful! I will def. keep you posted!!