(Closed) To win an argument, have you ever said anything that was over the line?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
7425 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t think that I have. I consciously make the decision to try to fight fair and avoid words like “always” and “never”, and avoid name calling. Dh has definitely said things that have crossed the line. In fact, it happened today! It’s something we work on…

 

Post # 18
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We are like the best fairest fighters ever. We don’t name call EVER and I can’t recall us ever saying anything unforgivable or anything. Once during a fight YEARS ago I said something like “I’m frustrated that you aren’t treating me as well as I deserve, because we both know I could find someone who would.” It was mean, but I think he needed some perspective and a bit of a kick in the butt.

The few times I’ve started to raise my voice, Fiance said something gently like “Is this really worth yelling over?” And I calmed down real quick lol. He’s never raised his voice at me.

Post # 19
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ve done it a couple times, but it’s something I make a HUGE effort to NOT do. I know that there are things you can’t unsay.

I have a sister who has (and she has admitted to this) tried to find the most hurtful, cutting things she can think of in order to end an arguement in her favor, and does so without apology until years later.

She has said some things to me and my husband in the past that can’t be unsaid, and it’s taken me years to get to a point where I can have positive feelings towards her. Our relationship was forever changed, but we’re working our way back to a good point. She’s working on the way she fights and since she’s gotten married and has gotten a lot better.

Post # 20
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

I’ve used that same line before.  But, to be fair he frequently had me paying all sorts of things for him.  So, I finally gave up and said “get your own money, dude!”  

It didnt cause a huge tiff and I got my point across that he needed to start carrying his own weight.

Post # 21
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

With my BF? Not really.

…with other people, bitch-beasts especially? You bet: I will go straight for the jugular.

Post # 22
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

It’s good you apologized immediately and recognized you crossed the line. Words can hurt more than physical blows, so I try to keep the sharp part of my tongue in check and not get ahead of myself. Everyone says something really stupid now and then, but the fact that you stopped immediately and realized what you said was wrong says a lot.

Post # 23
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Mrs. Doily:  WHAT. I’ve had one miscarriage and I can tell you right now, a comment like that would be a relationship-ender for me. Here’s to another healthy twenty weeks of pregnancy for you!

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