(Closed) To women who have been bridesmaids

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 5
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am so sorry I have been in my bros wedding I wasn’t as involved as I should have been but it was a good feeling!

Post # 6
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

So sorry to hear about your condition. I’ve been the bridesmaid at 4 weddings (I’m older) – I’ll tell you what I felt like.

You are excited to be asked – especially when they are a close friend that you care about a lot, that you get to share such an important day of their lives with them. You want to make sure she has great memories of not only her wedding, but her bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc. You want her to be happy, beautiful and glowing :).

In the months leading up to the wedding – depending on how involved the bride wants you to be (most brides are actually pretty independent these days or they do all these things with grooms) – you might go with her to dress fitting appointments, cake tastings, looking at venues, etc. It can be a lot or very little time. It’s fun to share the experience and just be excited together.

You also plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party – which can be really easy and fun, or a real pain in the ass, depending on demanding and helpful the bride is. It can also be pretty stressful as you’re effectively throwing a large party for people you might not know.

Lastly, comes the big day! You wake up just as excited as the bride!! You go early with them to get their hair and makeup done and you get to see the bride all dressed up before the groom does. That’s a special moment. You smile all day because you’re so happy for them and glad she is getting married to her man. As you walk down the aisle, you feel a little bit like a bride too – all dressed up with everyone looking at you and taking pictures.

You celebrate with her afterwards. It’s a bond that can’t be broken for life I’ve noticed, even if you move away, because you will always have been a part of one of the most important days of her life.

 

Post # 7
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

@sarahg85:  You should also let your unmarried friends know that you would love to do it! I’m sure some of them would love to have you as a part of their wedding, but might have been hesitating, unsure if you would be keen…

Post # 8
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m so sorry to hear about your condition!  I really think that if it’s something you want to do for your unmarried friends, you should tell them.  Just say something like, “I would really love to be there for you on your wedding day in any way I can, especially as a bridesmaid, but totally understand if you’ve already considered who is in your bridal party and don’t have room for me.”

I’m going to be honest with you.  The experience depends on the bride.  I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man and now I’m a Maid/Matron of Honor.  It makes you feel special to be asked to be in the bridal party.  At the same time, if you’re asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and not a Maid/Matron of Honor when you expected Maid/Matron of Honor, it makes you feel kinda crappy. 

Then there’s all the planning that’s involved.  Part of it is super exciting.  You’re really happy for your friend and their wedding and you want to be there for them and help them out in any way that you can.  Part of it, not so much.  Especially if you and the bride bump heads when it comes to taste, it can be really annoying because you want to give your honest opinion without offending her. 

It’s also super expensive.  You have to pay for all the gifts, events, dress, etc. It cost me $1,400 to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man at my friends wedding 2 years ago – that included the shower gift, bachelorette party, wedding gift, dress, alterations, makeup and hair for day-of. 

I’m not saying that there isn’t some definite positives.  But, there are also the negatives.

I wouldn’t say you were missing out on anything huge or life altering by being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. 

Hope that helps – feel free to ask more questions – if I can answer them for you, I will!

Post # 12
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@sarahg85:  I’m really sorry to hear that.  I think that the reasons for not including you are selfless (in that, they don’t want to burden you).  Honestly, it’s a lot of work and time and a lot of money to devote and it’s not something that if you weren’t a part of ever in your life that you would really be missing out on something.  I can understand when all your friends are getting married and everyone is in the bridal party and all that, that you kind of get caught up in it and want to be a part of it, too.  But, once that dies down, you’ll realize that you weren’t missing out on anything. 

Post # 13
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@sarahg85:  I disagree with that.  Tons of brides I know stop talking to their Bridesmaid or Best Man after the wedding.  I’ll give you two examples.  My sister, who got married 13 years ago, doesn’t talk to ANYONE from her bridal party anymore.  You just start to drift apart from some people.  People move away.  Now, because of facebook, she has gotten in touch with some of the girls, but they’re not friends like they used to be and if they’re in touch it’s really only because they have history, not because they were in her wedding.  The other example is my friend who I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for 2 years ago.  First, as a Bridesmaid or Best Man for her, I didn’t feel any special bond created or any closer to her than I was before.  Second, another one of her Bridesmaid or Best Man made a comment about the seating arrangement after the wedding and they stopped speaking and no longer hang out at all.  These are not the only stories I know of.  Tons of brides fight with their BMs during the wedding, people get angry at each other, BMs turn resentful of the bride and vice versa, and lots of brides stop talking to their BMs after the wedding. 

I don’t think that the experience is the same for everyone and I don’t think that it can be described.  I’m having a different experience being Maid/Matron of Honor for my friend now than I did being a Bridesmaid or Best Man for my friend 2 years ago.  And, if I’m ever in anyone’s bridal party again, I’m sure to have a different experience with that person.  It really depends on how you and the bride get along, how you get along with the rest of the bridal party, and what the expectations are on both sides.  It can be a really great experience.  It can also be really bad. 

Post # 15
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

@sarahg85:  Where do you live sarahg85? Perhaps one of the bees here would love to have you as a part of their wedding? I don’t think you should see it as a burden to your friends. Fine – you are in a wheelchair, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t move down an aisle. It will take an especially strong and special bee/friend to stand up for you – but I bet there’s a few on here that would consider it.

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