Post # 1
My mom has gotten it into her head that (at the reception) the groom MUST give a toast thanking my parents for hosting the event and thanking everyone for coming, and he should also toast to me (bride). At a very MINIMUM she said, both of us should get up together to toast to my parents for hosting and thank everyone for coming.
Frankly, it will be a very long, exhausting day, with us “working the tables” to talk to everyone, and the last thing we’re gonna want to do is be stressed about a toast. My fiance has flat out refused to give a “forced” toast like this. My mom was SCREAMING on the phone to me about how rude and ungrateful that is. She is livid.
I have never even been to a wedding where the groom gave a toast! And every one of my newlywed friends did not have the groom or bride give a toast. Actually, I have asked dozens of people if any wedding they have ever been to included a toast by the groom or bride, and only one person could think of one (groom and bride did it together), but they said it was kind of a weird wedding.
My mom’s excuse is “well then people out east are just rude” (she is from AZ), which I don’t believe for a second. We are already planning on having the Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or Best Man, and my dad do toasts.
What is your experience with toasts by the groom or bride at weddings?
p.s. Fiance and I are FINE with giving toasts to our parents, friends, and family, etc at the rehearsal dinner, which seems a more appropriate venue for this.
Post # 3
Where I’m from, this is actually the norm. It is traditional for the groom to give a toast thanking the guests (and often the parents, etc). Most weddings I’ve been to have made it more contemporary and had both the bride and groom give a toast together, which is what we did. I’ve had the opposite experience to you – every wedding I’ve attended has had either a groom toast or both the bride and groom toast.
I understand what you’re saying about being tired and stressed, but I personally think it is polite and courteous to thank your guests and those who contributed to your wedding. We thanked our wedding party and our parents. We also thanked the guests that attended. You don’t need to make it a big, long or fancy speech. Why not just have a quick speech saying, “Thank you all for coming. We’ve had a wonderful time. Thanks to our parents for hosting. We’re really excited to be married and hope you continue to support us in our marriage.” Then you please your mom, make your guests feel special, but the stress of a major speech is avoided.
Post # 4
I’ve worked a ton of weddings and also been in/to a bunch. I’ve never heard of a groom doing a toast at the wedding. I have, however, heard a groom toasting to thank everyone at the rehearsal dinner.
Post # 5
I think its customary for bride and groom to give a speech. I wouldn’t say so much a “toast”. But I think its nice to just give a quick thank you to everyone for attending and those that helped you out. Doesn’t have to be long but it is nice for sure.
Post # 6
Here’s that regional thing again, lol! OP – you should ask Arizona brides what’s typical there….
Post # 7
My Fiance doesn’t like public speaking, so he’s going to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner and I’m going to talk at the wedding. I don’t know how common it is, but I figure if everyone is coming to this huge event in my honor, I’m certainly going to stand up and say thank you. I don’t think it needs to be a big deal, just a quick speech thanking everyone for coming, thanking your parents for hosting, and saying how much it means to you that everyone wanted to be part of your special day.
It doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me. Even if your parents have been driving you crazy, you can still be the bigger person and be gracious and appreciative for the help they’ve given.
Post # 8
I second your post! The weddings I’ve attended usually have the groom or bride and groom say a little something. It’s not usually as drawn out as the bestman/MOH toasts/speeches, but a little thanks to the guests and anyone who financially helped (or family who lent their time helping) with the wedding should be acknowledged. We definitely plan on saying our “thank you’s” together, but I also think my groom is planning a speech entirely on his own.
Post # 9
I think it’s been done at most weddings I’ve been to (easy 20+ weddings).
We did a thank you toast to everyone for coming. I started it off and DH concluded. He didn’t toast me 🙁 but he did toast his guests and his mom. I never toasted my family – we paid for everything – so no need to thank in that respect. I usually see it happening right before the cake (or right after) – when everyone’s attention is on the couple. It’s more common for the groom to toast (and not the bride), but i think it’s more because the bride was too nervous to do any public speaking. I think it’s sweet when it’s both.
I think if it’s really important to your mom – it should be done.
Post # 10
We didn’t think too much about writting anything formal but DH and I did give a joint toast thanking both of our families and everyone for coming. The main point of our speech was announcing that the next day was my parent’s 29th anniversary and then we invited them to the dance floor and surprised them by playing their first dance song they had at their wedding 🙂
I personally like hearing from the bride and groom but you should do what you are comfortable with.
Post # 11
This is sooo strange. Everyone I have asked in person about this says it really isn’t done. My own wedding planner had never heard of it! Yet here on the internets, everyone does it. Weird.
Well, regardless, my fiance is not going to give a toast at the reception. If anything, I will give a short thank you to our guests for coming. What’s the point of thanking my parents when they explicitly told us that we have to thank them? It’s not going to be sincere!
Post # 12
There is no way we are planning a toast on our wedding day! Now, I do plan on toasting our parents and Bridal Party atthe rehearsal dinner to thank them and I figured that was customary. Maybe do that. It can even be an unplanned toast where you just make sure to thank them for their help. Toasting ON your wedding day? No. Like you said, you have a million and one other things to worry about and will be too exausted to worry about a toast.
Post # 13
I’ve never been to a wedding where the bride or groom gave a speech. But I’m from the east….so i don’t know. Maybe we are rude??? I think it’s more typical for the thank you’s to be given at the rehearsal dinner, at least in my experience. That’s what we are planning to do at least. We did put a special thank you to our guests and especially to our parents in the programs though. Maybe you could compromise and do something like that?
Post # 14
I have to be honest and say I love when the bride and groom toast the parents (and their guest). I have been to over 23 wedding in the past 2 years and (I think) 17 brides/grooms gave a toast and/or a speech during their reception. It is actually my second favorite part of the reception (behind the first dance and music/dancing).
I love watching the parents as their children say their heartfelt thank yous – it is a touching moment. My husband and I toasted our families and friends and we are NOT big on public speaking (and we had over 300 guests). We felt it was important to acknowledge the support and love we felt from our parents.
Personally, I believe with all my heart that my wedding was “bigger” than “my day”. It was about the blending of families and loved ones. This might be just my perspective through my own cultural lens, but I truly feel that the wedding day isn’t JUST about the bride and groom (please don’t take offense fellow bees who do believe this…), it is also a very special chance to honor those you have helped bring you to this point in your life.
Post # 15
I had no idea before this thread that it was a regional thing. I really couldn’t imagine being too exhausted to stand up for two minutes and thank my guests for coming. In my opinion its just the gracious thing to do as the host.
Post # 16
To answer you question about what’s the point – the point is doing it because it’s important enough to them to get upset over it. If they typically get upset over things, then that’s another case. But, I find – most people, if they are generally understanding and they show extreme emotion about something – it’s because it’s very important to them (even if you don’t think it’s a big deal). Is it annoying that they asked in that way? – of course! And, if you can’t do it and have it be heartfelt, then I also don’t see the point of just going through the motions and having it be super fake. It sounds like your Fiance has put his foot down on the subject, because of the strained relationship he has with your parents. But, I still believe he should be able to publicly show gratitude to his FIL’s for hosting his wedding and for giving him the gift of you – even more so because it would mean a lot to them. I guess I don’t see this as the hill to die on. Again – I think your mom flipping out about it is a little extreme – but perhaps things will change as you get closer to the wedding (meaning, there may be more gratitude naturally flowing). Best of luck to you!