Today is 14 years since his mother died, I don’t know if I should say something?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
4177 posts
Honey bee

Absolutely, it would be weird not to acknowledge it 

Post # 3
452 posts
Helper bee

I think even just a short thing like “I know today must be really hard for you and I just want to let you know that I’m here for you and thinking of you” would probably be much appreciated.

Post # 5
11373 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
hellothere12345 :  

If you feel moved to say something, by all means, speak up. But, please do not assume you know what kind of support he needs or wants. Ask him. “Is there anything I can do for you, Babe?”, is quite sufficient. If he says “Nothing”, believe him. Don’t force it.

Post # 6
9530 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

But of course,  why on earth not ?  It seems a little worrying / odd to me that  you are engaged to be married to a man who you feel so hesitant aboout adressing on such a normal topic . 

Post # 7
7320 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I guess it depends on his age. My father passed away when I was 16, but if asked to recall the exact date, I have to think about it. I can remember the day with complete precision, from waking to sleep. but the DATE I am always foggy about. Perhaps I am the exception. It would make me uncomfortable to have someone else acknowledge the date. I remember his birthday every year, and so does Dh, but not the date of his passing.

So I guess I leave it up to you and knowing your Fiance. Would he want it acknowledged? Does he notice the date (that you have seen)? Lots of people here are saying they “of course” would acknowledge it, but have they experienced the loss of a parent? I imagine some of them have and perhaps the date is hard for them, but my mind glossed it over so efficiently that I often don’t remember at all, and I DON’T want to be reminded. So don’t assume that all the posters here have the best advice for your situation. 

Perhaps if you know the date of her passing, he has made an event of it in the past? If that’s the case, then definitely acknowledge it. But I’d totally take his lead on this and do what you think is appropriate.

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