Today is 14 years since his mother died, I don’t know if I should say something?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee

Absolutely, it would be weird not to acknowledge it 

Post # 3
Member
456 posts
Helper bee

I think even just a short thing like “I know today must be really hard for you and I just want to let you know that I’m here for you and thinking of you” would probably be much appreciated.

Post # 5
Member
9693 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

hellothere12345 :  

If you feel moved to say something, by all means, speak up. But, please do not assume you know what kind of support he needs or wants. Ask him. “Is there anything I can do for you, Babe?”, is quite sufficient. If he says “Nothing”, believe him. Don’t force it.

Post # 6
Member
7628 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

But of course,  why on earth not ?  It seems a little worrying / odd to me that  you are engaged to be married to a man who you feel so hesitant aboout adressing on such a normal topic . 

Post # 7
Member
5812 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I guess it depends on his age. My father passed away when I was 16, but if asked to recall the exact date, I have to think about it. I can remember the day with complete precision, from waking to sleep. but the DATE I am always foggy about. Perhaps I am the exception. It would make me uncomfortable to have someone else acknowledge the date. I remember his birthday every year, and so does Dh, but not the date of his passing.

So I guess I leave it up to you and knowing your Fiance. Would he want it acknowledged? Does he notice the date (that you have seen)? Lots of people here are saying they “of course” would acknowledge it, but have they experienced the loss of a parent? I imagine some of them have and perhaps the date is hard for them, but my mind glossed it over so efficiently that I often don’t remember at all, and I DON’T want to be reminded. So don’t assume that all the posters here have the best advice for your situation. 

Perhaps if you know the date of her passing, he has made an event of it in the past? If that’s the case, then definitely acknowledge it. But I’d totally take his lead on this and do what you think is appropriate.

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