(Closed) Today is our 5 year anniversary, but I’m so sad :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Im sorry your so upset ;( But some people only really celebrate wedding anniversaries. We have never celebrated an anniversary, BUT I would be really mad if I had expressed to FH that I was upset that he didnt and he still didnt after that.

I hope it gets better once you are married and can celebrate every anniversary to make up for the years that he didnt!

Post # 4
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so sorry that you’re upset. But I think the PP has hit the nail on the head. Your FH already said that he thought dating anniversaries don’t count after you get engaged. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about the day, but he probably doesn’t think that a big deal needs to be made out of it. What about you cook him an awesome dinner so when he comes home he knows that it matters to you that you both celebrate it? Darling Husband used to not celebrate Valentine’s with me and it used to make me upset to no end until I found out that he thought it was too commercial and he didn’t know I wanted to celebrate it with him. So when I found out I made a special effort one year and since then he knew I thought it was a day we should at least spend together.

Post # 6
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

He may surprise you somehow!

Something Fiance has told me several times: There’s no point in being upset before the fact, when you don’t know what’s going to happen. Get up, have a great day, and be upset after if you have to be!

Why don’t you do something super amazing for him instead? Don’t worry about what he does for you, just worry about what you are doing for him 🙂

 

Post # 7
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Sorry this has become a depressing day for you. Some of what you describe sounds like typical guy-brain to me, but it is strange that he knows how much it affects you and doesn’t acknowledge it. Do you think he will treat your wedding anniversary differently?

Post # 10
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m so sorry you’re upset!  I would be too.  You’re right, the anniversary itself may not be a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.  But because it happens to matter to you, and you’ve told him several times of its importance, he really should make sure he does something sweet for you.  It doesn’t have to be time consuming, expensive or ellaborate.  That’s what I tell my husband all the time.  He does so many ‘sweet’ things, like take out the garbage or clean the bathroom.  But sometimes I just want him to take me somewhere we’ve never been or something along those lines.  I’m sure you’ve had similar talks each year.  Here’s hoping he’s got something up his sleeve, even if its at 11:30pm. 

Post # 11
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been with my SO for 7 years and we’ve never celebrated an anniversary.  We never had a specific date that we started dating, and we never felt the need to choose one just to have an anniverary.  Sometimes it bother me that we don’t celebrate another year of being together, but I’ll just have to wait for marriage to do that.

Post # 12
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I had similar problems with my Fiance just not getting the importance of dating anniversaries and I told him how it hurt me. He asked for a redo (which was not the same but super nice) and took me out to dinner at a cool restaurant. I also learned that sometimes, I have to plan something and let him in on it for him to get that it is important o me otherwise, he just kind of brushes it off. Like Littlemissmoo, my Fiance thought Valentine’s day was just a commercial holiday and never planned to celebrate despite the fact that I told him I liked the holiday a lot so I planned a nice evening dinner and made sure to fix my work schedule so I would not be traveling on Valentine’s day and could spend it with him. Then he really got that it was important to me to just do something together to acknowledge the day. Maybe you could do something nice for him when he gets home from work today in order to celebrate your last date-aversary before the wedding. Next year, you can plan to celebrate your  first anniversary a day after FSIL’s wedding and in the future, you could even have a joint anniversary celebration if you guys get along with Future Sister-In-Law and her hubby!

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Girl I feel ya. Darling Husband is like this and sometimes I get really disappointed and then i tell him and he’s like, “I didn’t think it was a big deal because of XYZ” or “why didn’t you just tell me?”

It’s gotten to the point where if i WANT him to do something, i need to tell him. Kinda lame, but he just doesn’t think it’s a big deal and/or forgets.

You said, “He went on the tell me about how sorry the year before turned out and he already had this year all planned out and promised he wouldn’t let me down.” so surely he didn’t just forget his promise to you. give him the benefit of the doubt. When he gets home tonight, who knows, he may have flowers in his arms. He may have something up his sleeve. You just don’t know yet, so don’t put the cart before the horse.

Is this the last dating anniversary you’ll celebrate since you get married next month? Or is this somethign taht you think will come up every year? You could just go out to dinner in the years following….I don’t think it’s a *big* deal to celebrate a dating aniversary after engagement/marriage, but I understand that it’s nice to simply acknowledge it and I think a dinner out or just making a point of mentioning it a nice way to go about it.

Post # 15
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

suprise him by showing up at his softball game with a bottle of sparkling wine for after the game! If nothing else, you’ll embarrass him in front of the guys which will hopefully make you feel better about being the only one to acknowledge the day 🙂

Post # 16
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My Fiance always works Valentine’s Day and it used to bother me.  Then it bothered me more because he KNEW I didn’t want him to work, but he would schedule himself anyway (it’s a relatively flex schedule since it’s a casual part time job while he finishes school)…but we were eventually able to talk and figure out that, really, all I wanted was the recognition that hey, I was special, and this was a good day to say that.  Is there a way you can re-schedule your special day so you feel wonderful but it still fits in his schedule?  Even if you can find a way to have a nice date night sometime in the next week or so, that might help.  I don’t want to diminish what you’re feeling, but I have felt similarly so I know how hurtful it can be, and how, in the end, you might be able to find a compromise that suits you both.

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