Today is the anniversary of my husband's death and I'm struggling

• amanda3334455
• 2 years ago

• Wedding: June 2014

Don’t feel guilty about your feelings, or feel like you should no longer have them or that you should have ”moved on”. Your feelings are real and valid and you are entitled to really feel them, to cry, to let it all out, to just feel every single thing that you need to feel. Grief and loss hurts, it’s normal, death is a part of life but that doesn’t make it an easy thing to deal with. You will get through this and you don’t have to do it by being ”strong” for others, you will do it by being true to yourself and your feelings and allowing them to stay with you. 

• houstonsweetcorn
• 2 years ago

I am so sorry. Are you on Facebook? You should join the Hot Young Widows Club. It is an amazing support group. 

My husband died 3 1/2 months ago after a short and devastating brain cancer battle. It was awful. My heart is crushed. We were only married 2 1/2 years and have a baby. You can also reach out to me. 

• jillsgills
• 2 years ago

• Wedding: August 2019

I can’t help but reply to this. I also lost my husband to cancer a few years ago – I will be remarried later this year. My slightly more ‘fortunate’ position is that my fiance also lost his previous partner to cancer and so we have an understading it is impossible to have if you have not been there. In contrast I do think I am over it actually as much as you ever are, I think my circumstances are different to yours in ways it would not be appropriate to go into here. That said I will be at his grave every birthday, wedding anniversary and anniversary of death and I continue to visit for Christmas at some point and decorate and tend to the grave frequently. I intend to always do so. 

It is impossible to think of it as a contest. However it is important to remember that it is always sad when a loved one dies, whoever they are. And that it is appropriate to remember these days. In my world as long as I have done something, I am OK. If I failed to recognise it then I woud not be OK. If I felt I had to keep it in and not mention it it would eat me up. As it is, I always have a little plan and I do it and it’s fine. And the day goes on. As life goes on. Can you invovle your husband? Say you’d like to take some flowers? It is a traumatic day to remember wether they be a friend, brother, mother, father etc so it is not inappropriate to be upset about it. A very crappy time that it is always hard to think about and remember. 

I wish you all the luck in the world xx

• sassy411
• 2 years ago

• Wedding: City, State

This makes very good sense to me. EMDR is showing results with PTSD and I suspect that experiencing a traumatic loss generates some PTSD for many.

Ketamine infusion treatment is also proving to be very effective, ie some studies are showing 95% success treating PTSD symptoms. The overall success rate for i.v. ketamine in the treatment of depression, PTSD, and chronic pain is about 70%; so, that 95% stat is quite significant.

The only caveat with EMDR is to be certain to do your homework and choose a qualified, competent therapist. Results turn almost entirely on the skill of the therapist. EMDR can even be harmful if attempted by a practitioner who is lacking the requisite skills and training.

• Mrs_Beer
• 2 years ago

• Wedding: Dorset, UK

• twentytwentybride
• 2 years ago

• Wedding: By the lake