- 8 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
Today I broke off my engagement. I was married for 21 years, had a messy divorce and then met the best man I could ever hope for. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, it just happened, shortly after my divorce. As Mom and a former wife, I have always been a giver. I think the issue is I gave to much too soon and the truth is, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. I’m not referring to just sex either. I cook dinner for this man, do his grocery shopping, etc.
We were engaged last October, it was the best day of my life, unfortunately the engagement came with conditions and terms, set by him. A long engagement it would be….being a single Mom and continuing to take care of my youngest child who is now 15. My elderly parents lived with me in an in-law apartment I have in the home. My Mom passed away of lung cancer in 2011 leaving my Dad alone and devestated.
More conditions….if I wanted to live with him, I’d have to move into HIS home. That would displace my daughter and my Dad, meaning I’d have to find a place for him to go, with no other siblings and/or relatives around, how could I do that?
Then the talks came, expressing my unhappyness about the situation, telling him how I yearned for more and wanted a family unit, but his refusal to sell his home and move into mine, which had been discussed are now just that, discussions. I hear, your house is too small, I don’t like it….excuse, after excuse. Then comes the guilt trip…this has been the most negative year, why can’t you just cherish the time we have together even if it’s only 30 minutes why dwell on anything else? Hummm? Because I have needs, wants!
After almost four years together, I broke off the engagement. I told him I wanted to work on the relationship to make it better but with that comes the “obligation drop”. I refuse to buy his groceries, I refuse to make his dinner, I refuse to run his errands….afterall, why should I be the only one giving and wanting. He says he does but it always has to be on his terms…but don’t let him fool you, he’s very good at twisting the issue to make it my fault…after all I am woman and I feel the guilt of everyone’s lack of happiness….therefore it’s my problem, or that’s what he tells me.
After being in a miserable marriage of 21 years, I thought I finally found the greatest guy, now I’m wondering if there is such a thing. I love this man, I do, and breaking off the engagement was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Causing him pain just breaks my heart…but what choice do I have.
I need to change focus…the pain I’m feeling is worse than when my ex cheated on me and left me holding the bag to take care of the kids on my own, I wonder if things will ever be good in my life again…I know true love is out there, I just don’t think I’ll ever experience it with this man, too many conditions and terms.
Is it true that when your apart the heart grows fonder? Maybe he needs a slap of realization that what he has is gone. I wonder how this will play out. Two nights of no sleep, I wish I could shut the brain off.
We’ll see if he calls after he reflects on what I have to say or just walk away, it’s easier and people seem to always take the easier route in life.
I love him sooooo much, but I just couldn’t comprimise what I want/need. It’s about time I put myself first, as painful as it is, life is just to short.