Post # 1
Just moved into my new house and instead of having a house warming, I wanted to have a late night party-party. I invited everyone weeks before the party to let them know it was adult only. Other then the fact that it was going to start around 10pm, I had planned on drinking a lot and when I do, I curse ALOT. Fast forward to the party- my friend, Laura* comes to the party with her 4 yr old daughter. Of course I had no clue she was bringing her daughter and as soon as she walked into my house she asked if she could use my spare bedroom to put her daughter asleep. Although I was bothered, I showed her the way and went back down to join my other guests. A few hours into the night, I was pretty drunk, doing drunk karaoke and cursing like a sailor. Sometime during the night, I noticed Laura’s daughter was downstairs with us. Laura said that her daughter complained she couldn’t sleep because the music and our voices were too loud and Laura asked if I could turn down the music..Now I’m annoyed. It’s a house party, there’s going to be loud music and people. I’m pretty sure I gave her A look, but I turned it down slightly. But her daughter still stayed downstairs the rest of the night. As the night went on, I was getting even more drunk and my language was veryyyyy colorful. Laura got pissed and told me I needed to watch my mouth around her daughter and if i didn’t, then she was going to leave. Me being the emotionless drunk that I am, told her it’s probably best if she left and she did. Next day (today) I got a HUGE text from Laura saying that I disrespected her and her daughter and she isn’t sure if she wants to continue her friendship with me. I don’t know how to reply. I’m confused on how she thought it was acceptable to bring her toddler to an adult only house party when she knew it would be full of loud music, loud people and alcohol. I know I should apologize to be a decent person but I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong. Someone please help me on how to respond and how to move forward…
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2018 - Pantagis Renaissance
You aren’t in the wrong… “I invited everyone weeks before the party to let them know it was adult only.” You told her no kids, she still brought her kid, what did she expect??? Can’t find a sitter, stay home. Sorry not sorry
Plus, it’s YOUR house! I wouldn’t reach out to apologize at all. As for moving on, you didn’t do anything to move on from.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2018 - Pantagis Renaissance
Also….. “I got a HUGE text from Laura saying that I disrespected her and her daughter and she isn’t sure if she wants to continue her friendship with me.”
Girl. She disrespected you by not listening to you and bringing her kid to your adult only party.
Post # 4
I would ask her why she brought her 4 year old to a party that started at 10 p.m. That seems like irresponsible parenting.
Post # 5
You are not in the wrong. She is. She had no business bringing a young child to a late-night party and using your spare bedroom to let her daughter sleep in so she could join in on all the party fun. I would never bring my daughter to a party unless I asked the host first if it was ok. I never have a problem when people say it’s an adults party and there won’t be kids there – if we want to go, we always get a sitter. I would never impose on anyone and it’s not their responsibility to cater to my child. She owes YOU an apology. Very irresponsible of her to bring a young child to a late night party where there’s drinking, loud talking, and loud music going on.
Post # 6
HAHAHA What?! She brought her child to a house party and asked you to behave around her child?! LOLOLOL That is fudging hilarious. I wouldn’t apologise, and I would cut this crazy entitled bitch loose. And I would tell her that.
Post # 7
She is in the wrong not you.
Ugh, who brings a 4 yo to a party at 10pm? Parenting fail.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who had such questionable parenting skills. Who brings a child to a party that starts at 10 pm? smh Then has the nerve to tell you how to behave in your own home. Nah
Post # 9
sorry, she’s in the wrong.
I’d probably write back “I’m sorry I didn’t turn you away the moment you showed up. A house party is no place for a 4 year old, but I didn’t want to tell you how to parent.”
i.e. Sorry, not sorry.
It sounds like you’re probably going to lose this friend or your dignity. Sometimes I swallow my pride and let a friend walk on me a bit, but in this case i’m not sure what the point is–she obviously thinks the world rotates around her kid, and going along with it probably won’t lead to lots of fun times going forward..
Post # 10
This sounds like my SIL. My 3 year old niece is at EVERY SINGLE PARTY. No matter what time, what type of party, till the wee hours of the night….., there’s no such thing as “adults only” in my life. It is so fucking annoying it makes me want to pull my hair out! And now she gets mad because I dont take my 6 month old daughter anywhere passed 8. That’s called a bed time!
Your friend is completely in the wrong here. And you shouldn’t apologize for your behavior in YOUR house at YOUR adult party. She broke the rules, not you. And if she wants out of the friendship, it is her loss.
PS I have a big potty mouth too and I’m not about to change that over anyone that doesn’t know their boundaries when it comes down to friends, adults and children.
Post # 11
coffeelvr45 : She is, of course, completely in the wrong for bringing her uninvited daughter. Everyone else is right about that. But I disagree about one thing. When you saw the little girl, who By The Way, at 4 years of age is not a toddler, and can understand and process a lot more than you think, you should have taken the mom aside and expressed surprise at her presence and warned her that the environment would not be appropriate or suitable for a child.
Certainly by the time she asked you to turn down the music you should have suggested that it might be better to take her home. But it’s not the child’s fault that her mother is irresponsible. Once you allowed her to stay at the party, I don’t buy the justification that you didn’t have any control whatsoever over your words or behavior.
Bottom line, in your place, I’d have been totally annoyed, but would also never have acted that way around a child.
How to respond? I’d tell her that you feel it was very unfair to both you and the daughter to bring her uninvited to an event that was in no way suitable. Nonetheless you are sorry for how you spoke and acted in front of a child. It was inappropriate and you regret it.
That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t consider distancing someone this inconsiderate.
Post # 12
weddingmaven : I would have made some very different decisions in life if I could think that rationally when I was drunk! While I somewhat agree with what you’re saying, logic tends to check out when utter drunkenness shows up, and it’s really awkward as a non-parent trying to tell a mother how to parent. Perhaps this should be a lesson for mum that when the invite states “adults only” it is indeed inappropriate for a child. I’m not a fan of changing my behaviour to suit others in situations that they have created. It’s just unfortunate that a wee one was involved in this case. 🙁
Post # 13
Why does this weirdo think it’s ok to bring a 4 year old to an adults only party that starts at 10PM? She also just assumed you’d be happy with letting her child sleep in your spare bed.
I would not apologise. I might acknowledge that the party was loud and inappropriate for young children, and that’s why you were very clear that it was for adults only, and perhaps next time it would be a good idea to find a sitter. It would not be reasonable of her to expect that the entire night change for everyone involved just for her kid…right??
One of my huge fears about becoming a parent is any possibility of becoming an asshole like this. Another one is having to hang out with them and their little snowflakes.
Post # 14
I’d never take my daughter somewhere that late. If we do go out with her we always leave at bedtime.
Question: if she’d texted earlier to say she was unable to come because she couldn’t get a sitter would you have understood or been annoyed and thought she hadn’t tried hard enough?
Post # 15
- Wedding: January 2021 - City, State
weddingmaven : she told everyone weeks before the party that it was adult only, she shouldn’t have to apologise for playing music and getting drunk in her own home.