(Closed) Together for 6 years, he's had the ring for about 4-5 years and yet nothing…

posted 8 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
10516 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

It’s pretty clear he has zero interest in marriage. I have no idea why he bought an engagement ring. Have you ever actually since this supposed ring? Not that it’s existence means anything at this point anyway. I doubt he will ever propose.

Post # 4
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

If he’s had the ring for 5 years, he’s not going to propose now. Sorry, I know that probably isn’t what you want to hear. Was your second child with him planned? Why are you giving him a timeline of several years if you are already unhappy now?

Post # 5
Member
7161 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Honestly, I didn’t read your post. We don’t need a blow by blow of when you met and what month and how you fell in love with him. Your issue is that you have been with someone for 6 years, he’s had the ring for 4-5 of them and hasn’t proposed. That means he doesn’t want to marry you. If he had wanted to marry you, you would be married. Done and done.

Your next issue is what are you going to do about that? If you want to be with him, you need to be prepared to forego marriage. If you want to be married, you need to be prepared to get rid of this guy because he’s wasting your time.

Post # 6
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

No, it’s not because he is scared of marriage. He just does not want to do it. He has had so much opportunity and his excused are BS at this point. 

IF you want marriage, it won’t be with him

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Me, I’d just leave. Actions speak louder than words.

Why’d you set your timeline so far out? Why did you give him 2 dates? That defeats the purpose of a walk date!

If you want to give him one last chance, I’d give him till the end of the year AT MOST. You have 2 kids together, he got a ring 5 years ago, you’ve talked about marriage, you live together. It’s not normal to hold onto a ring for that long. He got it on a whim, got cold feet, and now he doesn’t care.

I say the damage is done.

I recommend by the end of the year for your deadline to GET MARRIED (as opposed to for him to propose) because a) you shouldn’t be out looking for housing during a pandemic anyway, b) at the end of the year more leases will probably open up, and c) you want to give him a chance anyway. A mere proposal from a guy like this means nothing. It would be a means to string you along further.

I’d also switch birth control when it’s no longer life threatening to step out of the house. I love my Skyla IUD!

Post # 9
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
friday001133 :  He has shown you in no way that he wants to get married. And it does not take 5 years for a perfect proposal. Wake up! 

Post # 10
Member
7744 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

You planned a second child with a man who wouldn’t marry you and now you want to split up the family because he won’t marry you? Tell him that you need the protection marriage provides and plan a date at the courthouse. 

Post # 12
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
friday001133 :  

he told you early on that he wanted to have a home. Did he mean buy / own a home? 

If yes, what is he doing to achieve that goal? If nothing, then a pattern begins to emerge 

But if he’s actively working towards owning a home (savings etc) and not actively working towards being married, the issue is why. 

these are the questions that I would ask myself: 

Would marriage with him make you happy?

what’s in it for him outside of closing a friction point with you? 

If you left, would the children benefit from you being happier to a greater a degree than suffer by having a separated father? 

Post # 13
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

He can say he wants to marry you all he wants, his actions are very clearly telling you that he doesn’t want to. Giving him another three to four years is ridiculous. He has already had six. Someone who wants to marry their partner does not buy a ring and then spend five years not being able to bring themselves to propose. You can choose to stay unmarried if you want, but please do not continue to fool yourself into thinking he definitely will propose at some point. He has all of the control in your relationship. You’re just passively waiting for a proposal, and doing absolutely nothing about his obvious unwillingness to make this committment to you. Stop waiting, and start doing something. If you don’t want to stay without marriage, you need to set a walk date for a reasonable timeframe (think a month, not a few years), communicate that to him, and leave if he doesn’t take action. 

Post # 14
Member
10559 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You’re wasting your time. And by that I mean you’re wasting your time if your ultimate goal is to be married to this man. 

Is being married more important than the family unit you’ve created? Are there other issues in the relationship other than this? Things for you to think about. 

Post # 15
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I would give him until next year to actually get married. Courthouse if it has to be, it’s really that easy. Procrastination & divorced family dynamics is just an exuse. Be prepared to walk or to stay un-married and possibly resentful (if you aren’t already). Either way though, you will be tied to him forever through your children-so think long and hard about what you want your future life to be like. You need to protect yourself and your children should your situation turn sour. I hope things work out for you though, good luck! 

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