- 8 months ago
Hi! I’m new to this. So I’ll start by how we met.
So me and my boyfriend first met at work. I just started in July as a crew member and he had worked there for about 5 yearsish. From July to about December we both had our own relationships but they all quickly ended for good reasons. We both weren’t looking for anything at the time and to be honest I really didn’t think he was attractive at all. We started talking as friends in that late December thru February. That’s when things started going in a different direction. I don’t know what changed but I found myself becoming attracted to him. His personality was amazing. He was so caring, kind, thoughtful, and understanding. He would make everyone at work laugh and always loved working with him. So for about a month I would do my best and flirt with him and see what would happen. I had long, thick, curly brown hair and any time I straightened it, it would take me a good 2-4 hours to do. I’m very picky about my hair…has to be pin straight. So I would do my hair and make up everyday and I bought tight pants to help me out. For a month I did this every day to see if he would notice. Nothing. Until a friend of ours mentioned to him that I had a crush on him. Then the puzzle pieces started to fit. We talked for about a month and had our first date on his birthday. We finally made our relationship official on April 20th, 2014.
Over the past few years we’ve had everything thrown at us. From losing jobs, changing jobs, moving in together, people betting that we wouldn’t last. We always came out stronger. We are a team. We’ve been talking about getting married since 6 months into dating but we knew we had to wait for a while before we got serious. We shared our thoughts about marriage and what it meant to us. My parents have been together for almost 30 years and his parents both have been divorced…a few times. I found out that most of his family has waited almost 10+ years before they get married and most of them never lasted. Some have been married shortly after divorcing. So marriage doesn’t seem to go well in his family. But not every family is perfect when it comes to marriage. Anyways, a year and a half into dating and we’ve talked marriage, kids, and owning a home. He’s always told me that he wanted to be married and had a home before we started having kids. I was perfectly fine with that (even though I had baby fever like no other). Well, shortly after moving into own home (rented) we found out we were pregnant. So there went that idea of marriage first. Oh well. I figured that since we were pregnant that he would pop the question. I don’t believe that he had to marry me because we were pregnant. I knew he loved me and I figured this would be a great oppurtunity to pop the question….nope. When our baby girl was about 6 months old I found out that he had purchased an engagement ring. His friend ratted him out. So I’m thinking that he could ask any time now! With Christmas coming up very soon I got my hopes up way too high. I shortly found out that he doesn’t want to propose when a major holiday is coming up because everyone does that. So that meant January was out (New Years), February was out (Valentine’s Day), March (St. Patrick’s Day), April (his birthday and our anniversay), May (my birthday and mother’s day), June (our daughters birthday and Father’s Day), July (the 4th), August (his family’s reunio-going on 94 years this year) September (the Fair), October (Halloween), November (Thanksgiving), and December (Christmas). Thinking this thru and even bringing it to his attention I knew it would never happen. That following year we found out we were expecting our 2nd child. Still no signs of proposing.
Fast forward to now. All my friends are married. My sister who I never thought would get married is Next April due to the virus, and everyone is constantly asking “when are you guys getting married?” The questions that hurt and irritate the most are “When are you guys getting married?” “Will you guys ever get married?” “How’s your husband?” How’s your husband??? I don’t have a ring and I don’t remember getting married so what wedding did you attend Karen? Cause it sure wasn’t mine. I’ve talked to him about how much it upsets me and he says he’s tired of hearing it too. He says he will do whatever it takes to make me happy. He’s even mentioned that it bugs him that he hasn’t asked me to marry him yet. But not enough to do anything about it. He says he wants to be married by the time he’s 30. I found out about a year ago that he’s had the ring since before I was pregnant with our oldest daughter…THAT’S 5 YEARS AGO! That’s 5 years of perfect oppurtunities wasted. The birth of 2 kids (One being born on Father’s Day) many dates, trips, etc. but every time I think today could be it…it doesn’t happen. We had our first MAJOR fight a few nights ago and after talking it out he told me that he’s had the ring on him for the last few weeks. I know he has a plan for how he wants it to go but I tell him that I don’t care about how or where he does it. As long as it comes from his heart any time is perfect. I used to want a nice wedding with the works, but as each month/year passes by my desire slowly starts to fade. At this point I don’t even want a wedding. What I want is to go to the court house and do it there. I’ll be 27 in May and he’ll be 30 on April 14th we just rented a bigger house with 2 cats, a 3 year old and a 19 month old. I told him that he has until I turn 30 (2023) or until our 10 year anniversary (2024) to marry me. I told him that if he cant marry me within 10 years of being together, even after starting a family, that he will never do it and that I won’t marry him. I told him that we’ll still be together but just wont get married, but the more I think about it I don’t know if I would want to be with him. He says he wants to be married but has shown no signs of progressing. I was told that if I wanted to be married then I’ll want to be with someone who wants the same things. I was told that “You should never date just to date. Date with intentions of getting married.” I’ve always wondered if the reason he hasnt asked me yet is because he’s seen 1st hand a few too many bad marriages and is scared. No matter how many times I’ve told him not to compare us to his family I can’t help but wonder if this could be the problem. He wants to ask my dad for permission but has made no effort to talk to my dad. I’ve thought about leaving if he won’t marry me within that time frame. Granted I told him the time frame and at the time it gave him 5 years to do it. I just don’t know what to do or think. I’ve even propsed to him but he never takes it serious. Will he ever propose? Am I overthinking things? Am I being to harsh on him for giving him a time line? Any advice or tips on this situation will be grately appriciated.