(Closed) Together for 6 years, he's had the ring for about 4-5 years and yet nothing…

posted 7 months ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
26 posts
Newbee

You sit him down and say let’s get married this Friday at 2pm at this court house (assume this is possible in your state at this time). If he says on good for you, if he comes up with a reason not to then leave. Also why did you give him 4-5 more years. 2024 is far away from now 

Post # 32
Member
3483 posts
Sugar bee

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friday001133 :  “We’ve had marriage conversations for the past 4-5 years now and nothing he’s said about it has been negative.”

And nothing he’s done about it has been positive.

Post # 33
Member
2944 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Everything you’re saying is an excuse for you to stay. I get it. Two kids and that time together make it hard to leave. You have to decide if marriage is truly important to you, important enough to leave the comfort of what you have behind.

He has already lied to you for years about the importance of marriage. You need to also stop lying to yourself about how important marriage really is to you. Either that or live up to your truth. 

Post # 34
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

“So that meant January was out (New Years), February was out (Valentine’s Day), March (St. Patrick’s Day), April (his birthday and our anniversay), May (my birthday and mother’s day), June (our daughters birthday and Father’s Day), July (the 4th), August (his family’s reunio-going on 94 years this year) September (the Fair), October (Halloween), November (Thanksgiving), and December (Christmas).”

Bee were you deadly serious when you wrote that?? You are giving your boyfriend a pass for the WHOLE YEAR because some BS event is happening on one day each month? 

What the hell does St Patricks Day, ‘the fair’ (whatever that means) and Halloween have to do with proposals? These are not cliche times to get engaged and, even if they were, there are still 28-30 days left in each of those months. 

Post # 35
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee

You say in your OP you both agreed you wanted to be married and have a home before having kids.

-And then the next line you say after moving in to a home you rent together, you got pregnant.

WTF happened??!!?

Why did you move in with him if you guys both wanted marriage first?!?

This is half your fault because you agreed you wanted marriage first and then did the exact opposite. It’s his fault for doing the same thing though and lying to you about his intentions. Shame on him

But this is on you if you really want to get married. STOP doing everything but marriage if marriage is important to you! Don’t ever do that again.

What’s done is done at this point and now you have two kids and a man who doesn’t want to marry you. How humiliating.

I don’t see him ever marrying you or you ever doing anything about it. You both are all talk and no action.

No idea why you planned another child with someone when you were disappointed he wouldn’t marry you.

Stop making empty threats. He knows you won’t leave him. Suck it up and deal with being a forever girlfriend (which is something you are DELIBERATELY CHOOSING at this point by not leaving) or actually do something about it and leave but stop making excuses for him. And have a plan for your kids financially- do not rely on him 

This is a mess of your own making and now you need to deal with it

Post # 36
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
friday001133 :  I almost spit out my coffee when I read that he wants to ask your father’s permission.   Are you serious?  Get outta here with that bullshit.  Did he ask your father’s permission to get you pregnant not once, but twice, without the benefit of marriage?  And the whole “I want to make it special” line?  Sorry dude but the super romantic, surprise proposal ship sailed years ago.  I cant even with his lame ass, bullshit excuses.  I would like to kick him squarely in the balls for you. 

He doesn’t want to marry you. If he did he would have done it already. 

Post # 37
Member
7359 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Why the heck are women out here intentionally having kids with men who won’t marry them? Now before people jump down my throat and, I have NO PROBLEM with couples who choose to have kids before marriage or those who don’t feel the need to get married just because they’re having a baby. You do you. Not every couple feels the need to get married. But you stated you both felt you should be married and have a house before having kids, but then you had one. I get accidents happen but how you choose to move forward is no one’s fault but your own.

The sheer number of women who have a baby with a man, and continue to have kids despite a lack of commitment, when they WANT to get married….but then want to pull the “I’m going to leave if you don’t marry me card” is nuts. I’m gonna say this louder for those in the back who need to hear it : HAVING HIS CHILDREN ISN’T GOING TO MAKE HIM WANT TO MARRY YOU.

Seriously OP, you’ve given this man 6 years of your life and 2 children. He’s had the ring for 4-5 years. He has no intention of marrying you. Maybe at some point he did because clearly be bought a bring, but at some point that changed. So now you need to decide what you’re going to do. You obviously were fine enough with the situation to have two kids with him, so why are you no longer fine with it? Make an appointment at the courthouse and tell him “On Tuesday at 3pm we have an appointment to get married.” He’s either going to be there or not, and then you definitely have your answer – because right now all you’re doing is giving empty threats and lots of free passes on why he hasn’t married you.

 

Post # 38
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, if he wanted to marry you by now, he would have. 

I didn’t even need to read your post to come to that conclusion, for the simple reason that he’s had the ring for 5 years and still hasn’t proposed to you. 

You now need to decide what you want for your future, because clearly he doesn’t want to marry you and you have a different vision for your life. 

Post # 39
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
friday001133 :  having multiple, useless conversations about marriage – and a ton of excuses for not popping the question – isn’t “being very clear about marriage”.

What your boyfriend has made abundantly clear is that he has no desire to become your husband.

It’s up to you to decide what to do with that information.

Post # 40
Member
1196 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

If marriage is important to you, then you need to think about yourself. Don’t just settle because you think he’s the best you can do. And don’t stay because you have kids!!

Post # 41
Member
587 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
mrsssb :  yes!! Like love is blind show on Netflix! This ☝️ do this ☝️ 

Post # 42
Member
587 posts
Busy bee

Do you have a means to support yourself or have a support system to go to until your on your feet, if you decide to leave? If not, maybe he knows this and knows you’ll stick around w/o marriage? If it were me, it would ruin my relationship and I’d leave. 

Post # 43
Member
1658 posts
Bumble bee

“So that meant January was out (New Years), February was out (Valentine’s Day), March (St. Patrick’s Day), April (his birthday and our anniversay), May (my birthday and mother’s day), June (our daughters birthday and Father’s Day), July (the 4th), August (his family’s reunio-going on 94 years this year) September (the Fair), October (Halloween), November (Thanksgiving), and December (Christmas).”

Seriously? That’s called life.  There will always be something going on every fricking day of every month, especially when you have kids.  Why should that stop him from proposing to you?  It sounds like you constantly give in to his excuses and even make excuses for him. If you see yourself wanting to get married and he claims he wants to marry you, then have a conversation with him and get him to make a commitment to a date. If he can’t, then you have your answer.  It looks like he is fine with already having his “wife” and two kids and doesn’t need to do anything more and just wants to make excuses. Do you really want to spend your life waiting around for a guy who will never come around?  You can still have marriage and happiness with someone…but maybe not with him.

Post # 44
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

This – “He’s even mentioned that it bugs him that he hasn’t asked me to marry him yet.”

Oh helllll no. That doesn’t even make any sense. That’s just another excuse. I would’ve ripped him a new one upon hearing that line. 

Post # 45
Member
11297 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
friday001133 :  

Oh, how I wish I had a dollar for every time I have read that he’s not proposing because he’s scared of marriage due to his parents’ awful divorce.  I’d never have to work another day in my life.

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