- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2016
My Fiance and I had been happily planning our wedding when we spontaneously decided to move halfway across the world. Long story short, I was the main breadwinner and I had a very demanding job that especially for the last few months, had been taking its toll on me. My Fiance was experiencing some depression and was drinking heavily, and admitted to me that he wanted to get away from it all. I agreed, and so off we went. We cancelled the wedding and let everyone know, and our friends and family were extremely supportive. Well, several months later, everything is great; Fiance has stopped drinking and we are both doing really well in our new home. But, tomorrow is our “wedding day”, and I’m unbelievably sad that we won’t be going through with it. It’s not so much the wedding itself, it’s that we won’t get to be husband and wife – which was what I was so excited about. Leading up to the date, I’ve been feeling pretty sad that all the moments I was looking forward to (walking down the aisle, reciting vows, the first kiss, the first time I got to call him husband!) will not be happening. I am fully aware that it sounds silly, but I’ve been really emotional about the wedding not happening (even when it was my choice, yea, I know).
We briefly talked about elopement in our new country, but he’s the only child in his family, and it’s important for him to have his parents present (unfortunately it’s way too expensive for our families to fly out here, so it’s not realistic to try to plan a ceremony here). I’ve spoken to both sets of parents and they’ve said they were totally fine with us eloping on our own here, and then having a party whenever we come home for a visit (which will probably be next year). My Fiance heard this, but when I brought up the idea of eloping again, he told me he really wants a) a proper wedding and b) his family there.
I guess I’m just looking for some advice here. To me, it’s not important where we get married or how – I just want to be an official family unit. I want us to be husband and wife. It weights heavy on my heart that we post-poned the wedding, and I constantly think about whether we made the right decision. I don’t know how to reach a compromise with my Fiance. Even if we wait until we go home for a visit, we no longer have the same financial stability that we had before we left (we’re both working as freelance writers and living week-to-week). So, any wedding we did have next year would be extremely small and nontraditional, and almost “not worth it” in my opinion. The thing is, we live in Thailand. It’s like, the most beautiful place in the world, and I keep thinking that a ceremony on our favorite beach followed by a romantic dinner and a night at a fancy hotel would be like the best thing ever, but he isn’t into it.
I’d really love for advice on how to talk to my Fiance about elopment. I recognize that he has a right to want his family there, and I thought elopment+ party back home would be a good compromise, but nope. He insists he still wants to marry me, but he wants it to be “right”. I’m worried that he’s just tryng to please me because he thinks that I want the traditional wedding. Was anyone in a similar situation? How did you figure yours out?
Also, have any other bees post-poned their weddings for reasons other than relationship drama? How did you feel, and how did you get back to planning? If anyone has any insights or stories to share, I’d really appreciate it!