(Closed) Tonight we head to his families house for easter.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Oh! I can relate about the big family issues… our solution is 2 seperate weddings/reception. One intimate one for our closest friends & family in my city and a reception with his 9bazillion extended relatives in the US.

I have to disagree with you about kicking it with sheep after your wedding (lol)!! You said you were from Chilliwack– I went a wedding last year held in Minter Gardens & it was one of the most beautiful weddings I’ve ever attended. There are so many wonderful options in the Fraser Valley besides barns!

Actually barn receptions are pretty popular & spectacular! They can be very beautiful… I delivered a cake to a barn in Aldergrove & they had the rafters covered in candles & hanging chandeliers! Flowers were everywhere– you’d never know you were in a barn. It was so lush!!!

 

Post # 4
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Maybe y’all should hold off telling family until the two of you are on the same page. It seems like he is using you as a scapegoat and that’s not fair. 

 

No matter what you tell his family though, I wouldn’t start insulting the place they/you live right off the bat. People get insulted very easily about stuff like that and it would be a horrible way to start planning a wedding. Go with words like intimate, not "free of all your lunatic relatives" and you’re thinking "tropical", instead of mentioning kicking farm animals. It’s all in the way you spin it. LOL 

Post # 6
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@VDB…oh you are so not alone. I just about told my Father-In-Law to kiss my a$$ about an hour ago. I have a HORRIBLE way of explaining myself. 🙂 I just was mostly trying to make you laugh, so you would relax before you went.

 

How did it go? 

Post # 7
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@VDB: I work in the bridal industry in the Fraser Valley– actually you can find me at most of the bridal shows in Vancouver… so if you need any ideas when you get closer to the date I’ll gladly help!

 

Post # 9
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Wow.. wow. WOW!

Just remember: When you marry him, you’re marrying his family. They are a packaged deal & you can’t avoid them. Especially since you are so often together.  I would suggest that you just continue to grin & bear it… Stick up for yourself, but don’t get mouthy or rude. That will just add fuel to their fire 😛

Post # 10
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I disagree with the "grin and bear it" idea.  Yes, these are going to be your family, and you’re going to have to be around them a lot, but that’s exactly why they ought to be treating you better than they are!  In fact, I’m pissed at your fiance because he of all people should be taking your feelings seriously and sticking up for you to *his* family. 

From what you’re saying, it sounds like your future in-laws are very unkind to you.  It also sounds like your future husband doesn’t care that they aren’t treating you right.  I think there are a lot of issues here that need to be worked out… is this how you want it to be for the rest of your life?  I know you may be telling yourself "it will all get better once the wedding is over" but that almost never happens… usually it just intensifies.  Start sticking up for yourself now!

Post # 11
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@carolina: What I meant was that nothing good will come from her taking their approach & being rude. I stated that she needs to stick up for herself but in a tactful way. She shouldn’t stoop to their level. I believe that even if they’re unkind– they are still his family & its important to show some respect. As much as this sucks, if she treats them the way they have treated her– it will just make them dislike her more!

Perhaps I used the term "grin & bear it" in the wrong context. But in a way, you do need to suck it up because there’s not much you can do to change the people that they are. They sound like rude, inconsiderate people & ((unfortunately)) they are about to become your family. You can’t change who his family is– so in that sense, you must just carry on.  

Your Fiance needs to sit his family down & explain to them that they can’t treat you this way. If my family treated my Fiance this way, I’d put them in their place so fast because it is not just hurting him– it would hurt me as well. When you love someone you want them to be accepted & loved as much as you love them!

Hmm Maybe write a letter expressing your feelings to your future in-laws… perhaps they don’t know they are offending you? Maybe all their comments are some (backwards) way of trying to initiate you into the family?? A lot of families tease each other & bug one another about little things… maybe they don’t mean to be malicious? Just some ideas! It just can’t comprehend why they would be so rude to you.. Were there past confrontations or something that they’re still holding over your head?  

I really, really wish you all the best & remember to take the high road. 

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