- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I am feeling particularly bothered today, and it’s about something I bet a lot of bees can relate to. I got engaged in November 2012 and began planning my wedding for this fall. While my fiance and I were dating, we became very busy because we were both previously in relationsips with people who never wanted to do anything or go anywhere. We had a blast going to concerts and summer festivals and out to dinner. I had more fun with him than anyone else in my life (part of why I’m marrying him!).
After the summer ended, we were both exhausted from being so busy, so we tried to plan less things and slow down. Then, we got engaged, and then it was Christmas, and we went on a trip, and then it was my birthday, and then Valentine’s day… you get the idea. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I can’t be less busy or slow down at all.
Now that we are engaged, I am planning a wedding and I need to make time for his family, which is three times the size of mine (lots of birthdays and kids’ events, that kind of thing). Also, my fiance just moved into a rental house we’ll have for 1 year (hoping to buy shortly after the wedding). I am trying to slowly move my things from my apartment into our new place, and get things organized. On top of that, we are trying to establish some kind of routine for ourselves to help us feel more like a family unit.
I just feel like I have no time for anything else on top of wedding planning, family stuff, a full time job, trying to combine households, and trying to stay on top of chores and errands like laundry and grocery shopping. I’ve had 2 breakdowns in the past 2 weeks about how busy I am and how guilty I feel because I don’t have time for anything or anyone else. On Sunday night sometimes I just want to cry because my week is already planned almost to the hour before it even begins.
This leaves me with almost no time to socialize. Most of my good friends are equally busy and/or live far enough away that we can’t see each other without planning well in advance. I have one friend, who is also a bridesmaid, who wants to see me every week. I feel so guilty when I have to turn her down because she says things like, “Are you free at all this week?” and “I figured you’d already have plans.” I don’t think she means to make me feel bad, and I think she misses seeing me so often, but I just feel like she doens’t understand and it makes me feel so guilty I want to cry (and sometimes do). I try hard to gently explain that I have things going on, that it’s helpful if we make plans a week in advance so I can be sure to make time for her, etc, but she keeps asking me to make plans a day in advance/day of.
Now, her father is sick and has to have surgery on his heart. I am trying hard to be supportive, and make time to see her, but I just can’t seem to find the time and I think it’s making her sad and I feel like a bad friend. I tried to explain to her that I am just so overwhelmed right now, because I literally have things going on almost every day after a full day of work, and usually all weekend, too, but I don’t think it’s helping.
I’m the type to always put others first, and it was my New Year’s Resolution to learn how to put myself first and learn to say “no” when I can’t accomodate everyone. But this is just making me feel like the worst friend ever.
Cany anybody sympathize? Have similar experiences? I hope I’m not the only one.