Post # 1
My Future Sister-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law dislike my shoe suggestions for bridesmaids – namely, that they wear wedges for my outdoor, summer wedding. I am not requiring wedges, but I think it would be a good idea.
I would really like for them to wear yellow shoes, and Future Sister-In-Law has told me that they are too hard to find this season. It does indeed seem they are harder to find, but definitely not impossible for someone with average size feet.
The girls are wearing silk tricotine dresses from Jcrew. The wedding is fairly casual… guys will be in tan pants, suspenders, and bow ties with white button up shirts. I have suggested a lot of shoes that have stacked heels or wedges, and the styles are “dressy casual” rather than cocktail or dressy. Future Sister-In-Law would rather go with dyables, and have everyone get the same thing.
I am not a fan of dyables, because the all-over satin and blingy decorations are not my style and do not fit with my outdoor, simple, slightly rustic wedding.
I would really prefer a more casual, mismatched look. Even my mother and Fiance prefer the “matchy matchy” look for the bridal party. I feel like everyone around me is sooooo traditional about the bridal party, that they all think I’m crazy! I wanted to let the girls wear different dresses in shades of a color, and THAT got vetoed by the aforementioned parties immediately. UGH!
Do you think these types of shoes are too casual for an outdoor wedding?
Post # 4
I think the shoes you’re considering are all pretty and would be fine for your casual outdoor wedding.
My question is, why do all of these individuals, aside from your Fiance, believe that they should have a “vote” regarding the bridesmaids’ attire?
Although it is wonderful when a bride is considerate of her bridesmaids’ tastes and concerns, bridesmaids should be willing to accommodate the bride’s vision unless that vision would result in a significant problem for the bridesmaids, not just a different vision. (For example, a larger chested bridesmaid should not be forced to wear a dress that is too revealing or cannot be worn with an appropriate, supportive undergarment, or a bridesmaid who does not wish to expose too much of her legs should not be asked to wear a skirt that is too short. Or a bridesmaid who has problems with her feet should not be asked to wear a heel height that would cause problems for her.) However, wearing different shades of the same color, or purchasing wedges instead of stiletto heels, or being permitted to wear different styles of shoes instead of uncomfortable, satin matching ones should not be the decision of your Future Mother-In-Law, Future Sister-In-Law or even your own mother.
Although it is quite nice of you to be willing to take into consideration the ideas they are recommending, you should not have to abdicate your own vision in favor of theirs.
Post # 5
Those are very cute. Why can’t you just let everyone pick the shoes they want and if some are matchy and some aren’t who cares? It doesn’t sound like you mind if they don’t match. I personally wouldn’t go with dyeable shoes because I’ve heard they can bleed if the ground is wet.
I think yellow shoes will be particularily difficult to find but not impossible. I’d let them get what they feel comfortable in that color, even if it is dyeable.
Post # 6
@Brielle: You are right, that I do not have to accomadate the different visions of the bridal party and mothers for my wedding, but I did want to let my Fiance have a say. He was really NOT into the mismatched dresses, or having the groomsmen wear mismatched ties, so we compromised on the shoes being the BM’s choice, and the Groomsmen wearing the same bow tie, while Fiance wears a different pattern in a regular tie.
It is not so much I am changing my mind, or plan to because they don’t like the mismatched look, but that I am frustrated by constantly defending it. I really did not think they would all be so traditionally-minded about the bridal party attire! Future Mother-In-Law is very polite about it, but nonetheless, I can tell she thinks I am kind of crazy, and my own mother does not hold back about telling me the shoes I have suggested for BM’s are ugly (she would LOVE dyables with BLING!).
I don’t care if Future Sister-In-Law wears dyables, but I will not be telling the other girls to get them. They can decide that for themselves.
Post # 8
No one in my family really “sees” my vision because I am so different and don’t want the traditional wedding they want. It’s been tough. I’ve mainly had to make decisions and do most of the planning all on my own. Even Fiance wants a traditional wedding but that’s only because he’s not an outside the box thinker and only wants to do what’s already been done. Be true to yourself or else you are going to have a wedding you are going to regret. I LOVE the wedge shoes btw!!! I would go for it!
Post # 9
@MsBlackberry: Well, it sounds as if you and your Fiance have reached a good compromise and that you’re well on your way to compromising with your Future Sister-In-Law as well. That’s good! 🙂
By the way, for the record, I was an older bride and had a very classic, elegant, ultra-formal, evening wedding with my bridesmaids all in the same, long, strapless, iridescent-silk-taffeta, trumpet-style dress (junior bridesmaids were in a coordinating dress), and my Darling Husband and all of the goomsmen were in the same very formal, black, full-dress tails with white tie, shirt and vest. I’m guessing your mother and Future Mother-In-Law would have LOVED my wedding, lol.
Yet, now that I’ve seen pics of some of the absolutely GORGEOUS, mismatched looks of other bees’ weddings on Weddingbee, I’ve come to also appreciate the sophistication and fashion involved in that style at well. In fact, my own DSD had mismatched bridesmaids dresses all in the same color in her wedding a few months ago, and the look was fabulous.