(Closed) Too Detailed for Guest Attire Requirements?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you mind having detailed guest attire requirements?
    Yes, I'd like a little freedom to be myself? : (21 votes)
    58 %
    Kind of, but I wouldn't grumble too much. : (12 votes)
    33 %
    No, I'm happy to accommodate the couple, and just be a part of their day. : (3 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2009

    I just think it’s pretty bridezilla to request this…  I’m all for having awesome pictures and all, but that’s just overboard.  However, I don’t mind at all if they TYPE of dress is specified (black tie, casual, no-heels-recommended, etc) as then I don’t feel ridiculous and my high heels don’t sink into the mud.

    Post # 4
    Member
    596 posts
    Busy bee

    I agree that it’s pretty bridezilla to insist on all the guests wearing a specific color, just so the bride can stand out even more.  She’ll be wearing a wedding dress and everyone will be staring at her and taking pictures of her all day!  I don’t think there’s any way she would not stand out.

    Post # 5
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I’m…not sure.

    I’ve been to black and white mardi gras ball before, and it went off without a hitch.  I assume that this is kind of the feeling that the bride is going for, and if so, it wouldn’t be hard to convey this to guests in a way that didn’t come across as bridezilla-esque.  Black and white balls are awesome, especially if guys are allowed black or white tuxes and women are allowed black or white dresses.

    however, if the intention is only to make her stand out more…meh.  I don’t like it.

    Post # 6
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee

    It’s a wedding, not a costume party or a photo shoot. These are your friends and family members, not actors or models. It’s fine to specify formality of dress (Black Tie, Business Casual) or give some helpful guidelines (you might want to bring a light sweater or wrap because it can get breezy at night) but this is too much!

    Post # 7
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @ Sakoro– what about people who choose "theme" weddings and want people to come in costume? I have a friend who had a renaissance-themed wedding, and everyone came in costume. Or the cliche Star Trek wedding? Yes, it’s a wedding, but it’s also the bride and groom’s choice if they want it to feel like a costume party or photo shoot.

    Post # 9
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think a big difference here is that there is a spirit of fun and festivity with a costume party, and I would imagine that most costumey weddings don’t require guests to wear a costume if they don’t want to (I have a hard time imagining many grandmothers donning a starfleet uniform).  The black and white idea seems to stem more from wanting to use your guests as part of your decor.  It rubs me the wrong way.

    Post # 10
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    Hmm, I don’t know. I definitely wouldn’t do something like that myself, but I don’t really know whether I’d find it irritating/annoying/offensive, etc.

    Post # 11
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Totally depends on how close I am to the couple, the nature of the request, and the way the request is phrased.  If it was a black-and-white theme, I’d be fine with it because I could wear something I already own, but a more outre request would make me think twice about going if I wasn’t very close to the couple.  I already have too many dresses hanging in my closet that I never wear, so having to buy something new to wear to a wedding because I HAVE to, rather than because I WANT to, rubs me the wrong way (bridesmaids dresses sort of excepted, since I think the American tradition of forcing bridesmaids to buy their own dresses is awful but I do that without grumbling too much when it comes down to it. But that’s the only real exception I’d make).

    I still don’t think it’s a very kind thing to do, but the more general the requirement, the better, IMO.

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