Post # 1
I was reading another thread on guest attire and it made me think of something I saw on another website.
A bride asked an etiquette guru if it was too much to require the men to be in black tuxes or suits, and women to be in either black or white dresses. The bride was wearing a gold dress. So she wanted the black and white so that she would be more eye popping. I believe the bridesmaids were in black, but not positive.
The etiquette expert said that was fine, especially since the ladies likely already had a black or white dress, in the closet.
Any thoughts? Would you care if you were invited to a wedding with strict guidelines? Would you ever consider making such a request to your guests?
I’m not sure how I feel. On the one hand, I do think most women have something that would be appropriate. So maybe not a huge deal. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s kind to make a lot of demands on your guests. What if they would much prefer some color? Or do have to buy a dress? What if a couple of guests forget or didn’t see that in the invitation? Then they’d really stand out (and feel awful.)
Post # 3
I just think it’s pretty bridezilla to request this… I’m all for having awesome pictures and all, but that’s just overboard. However, I don’t mind at all if they TYPE of dress is specified (black tie, casual, no-heels-recommended, etc) as then I don’t feel ridiculous and my high heels don’t sink into the mud.
Post # 4
I agree that it’s pretty bridezilla to insist on all the guests wearing a specific color, just so the bride can stand out even more. She’ll be wearing a wedding dress and everyone will be staring at her and taking pictures of her all day! I don’t think there’s any way she would not stand out.
Post # 5
I’ve been to black and white mardi gras ball before, and it went off without a hitch. I assume that this is kind of the feeling that the bride is going for, and if so, it wouldn’t be hard to convey this to guests in a way that didn’t come across as bridezilla-esque. Black and white balls are awesome, especially if guys are allowed black or white tuxes and women are allowed black or white dresses.
however, if the intention is only to make her stand out more…meh. I don’t like it.
Post # 6
It’s a wedding, not a costume party or a photo shoot. These are your friends and family members, not actors or models. It’s fine to specify formality of dress (Black Tie, Business Casual) or give some helpful guidelines (you might want to bring a light sweater or wrap because it can get breezy at night) but this is too much!
Post # 7
@ Sakoro– what about people who choose "theme" weddings and want people to come in costume? I have a friend who had a renaissance-themed wedding, and everyone came in costume. Or the cliche Star Trek wedding? Yes, it’s a wedding, but it’s also the bride and groom’s choice if they want it to feel like a costume party or photo shoot.
Post # 8
The costume party is another example. (But even worse than the black and white example. At least with black or white, there’s a good chance someone won’t have to spend extra money on it.) With a costume party, guests will no doubt have to rent or buy a costume, and never use it again.
For someone like me, I might think a costume party is fun. But I am big time into thinking of the comfort level of my guests. And usually weddings involve a couples’ older relatives, who are not going to be comfortable with funky ideas. If a bride and groom chooses to have a theme like this, I think they should be prepared for higher than average regret response.
Post # 9
I think a big difference here is that there is a spirit of fun and festivity with a costume party, and I would imagine that most costumey weddings don’t require guests to wear a costume if they don’t want to (I have a hard time imagining many grandmothers donning a starfleet uniform). The black and white idea seems to stem more from wanting to use your guests as part of your decor. It rubs me the wrong way.
Post # 10
Hmm, I don’t know. I definitely wouldn’t do something like that myself, but I don’t really know whether I’d find it irritating/annoying/offensive, etc.
Post # 11
Totally depends on how close I am to the couple, the nature of the request, and the way the request is phrased. If it was a black-and-white theme, I’d be fine with it because I could wear something I already own, but a more outre request would make me think twice about going if I wasn’t very close to the couple. I already have too many dresses hanging in my closet that I never wear, so having to buy something new to wear to a wedding because I HAVE to, rather than because I WANT to, rubs me the wrong way (bridesmaids dresses sort of excepted, since I think the American tradition of forcing bridesmaids to buy their own dresses is awful but I do that without grumbling too much when it comes down to it. But that’s the only real exception I’d make).
I still don’t think it’s a very kind thing to do, but the more general the requirement, the better, IMO.