Post # 1
Does anyone feel like they shouldn’t have that anticipatory feeling of “waiting”?
My SO has told me repeatedly (jokingly) that he will propose “anytime between 1 day from now and 5 years from now”. I never think it’s funny, but he thinks I’m cute when I’m mad, so he says it quite often.
In a more serious conversation about 6 months ago he revealed that the proposal would be coming within the next 3 years. I know he hasn’t been in a place financially to buy me a ring, and the only way he would have one is if it was from his family, but he won’t give me any hints as to whether he has one or not. And he’s anti ring shopping because he wants me to be truly surprised (by both the ring and the timing).
It really feels like I will be waiting a looooong time, at least a year, probably two. But it’s all I can think about!
I can’t imagine feeling like this for years. To all those ladies out there that have been waiting for years, how did/do you cope?
Post # 3
I think waiting is justified when a kind of conversation is brought up about getting married which you obviously have had.
I have waited nearly 2 years, waiting has accelerated since moving in together 18 months ago. Looking at least a few more months for him to finish off paying the ring and to propose.
I cope by keeping distracted, and I have found since joining here things have sped up as I am tackling the marriage talk in a more mature way. Vent on here I suggest, that way you can get your feelings out to like minded people who won’t judge you!
Post # 4
The only way you can get through the “waiting” time is to NOT let it be “all you think about” – you will drive yourself (and him) completley nuts. I would actually disagree with the PP, with all due respect, and say that spending a lot of time on wedding websites is probably a bad idea because it will keep the whole proposal/wedding thing in the front of your mind, when for now it should be set aside a bit. Enjoy the fact that you’re in a relaitonship that is heading in that direction, but there is NO RUSH!!! You’ll get there eventually, and when you do, you’ll be happy you didnt spend the last 3 years making yourself crazy. I went through a 4 month period between when I knew he had the ring and when he actually proposed of starting to look at wedding stuff and thinking about it a lot – and I wish I hadn’t done that, so I can’t even imagine doing that to myself for YEARS. Enjoy the moment, and then you’ll enjoy your engagement moments even more! Focus on other things, focus on your relationship, and try to push wedding stuff out of your mind for now. I promise, it’ll pay off in the end!!
Post # 5
TBH, a relationship like this would not fly with me. Are you ok with just waiting around for potentially years? And having no say at all in what ring you wear for the rest of your life? I believe the guy should make the ultimate decision about the ring, but I also think your taste needs to be considered.
To me, marriage is a partnership, it’s something you do together. It’s not one person deciding and the other one going along with it. Before Fiance and I got engaged we knew we were moving in that direction. The timing of the proposal was something we talked about. I basically said that with the way things were going, that by the end of summer if he hadn’t proposed/felt ready to propose, we should talk about how we’re doing as a couple and reassess. Fiance felt that was perfectly reasonable, and actually proposed in March.
Do you want to get married in less than three years? Do you feel like you guys are really there as a couple? Or do you want to get engaged right now for the sake of all the fun wedding planning? IMO, if you truly want to get married now and feel like that’s where your relationship is, then you two should have a serious conversation about it.
Post # 6
I wish I didn’t feel like I’m waiting…but it’s hard not to feel like that when I love my SO to death and know I want to spend the rest of my life with him! This place is good for not only talking about waiting topics but relationships in general. I find the more time I spend alone the more antsy I get. Thank goodness SO will be around more often now. I hope your SO is around to distract you and keep you sane! SO has told me if things are going well I won’t have to wait 4 years and I think he was trying to be funny (about as long as it took for him to propose to his ex) but that it’s going to be awhile. Personally I think if things are going well he will propose maybe in the next year (we have been dating for 8 months and known eachother for 3.5 years). I think you should keep thinking with his timeline but remember that things to do change and it could be much sooner or even later especially since it sounds like he REALLY want to surprise you. I think another poster mentioned this as well, just remember that you love him and enjoy your time together. There really is no rush even though it feels like it sometimes. Engagement and marriage will come when it’s time and you can celebrate that when it does (although there is nothing wrong with being a little excited for the future and possibly browsing for rings, etc..).
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
I think some missing info to help guide input would be ages and length of relationship.
My guy and I have been together for 6 years, had “the talk” after one year, but knew we’d need to be stable adults before getting married. We met my freshman year of college, so that was going to be awhile. After graduation, I think I started officially waiting (super impatiently). But he held up his end of the deal. He repeatedly told me that once we both had good jobs and were in a good place, he’d propose. Well, we moved across the country, found great jobs, and he proposed three months later.
Looking back, I tortured both of us. He was just looking out for us, so we could have our dream wedding and know our future is on solid ground, and I would get so angry with him for making me wait. My pressure wasn’t fair to him, and he was completely right.
I highly recommend just enjoying your relationship. You’ve had the talk, so you know you guys are on similar pages and that marriage is at least something he wants. So, relax and enjoy this stage together.
Post # 8
@jillmatt: I think it depends how old you are, and how long youve been together.
We were together about 3.5 years before the proposal, but I wasnt really waiting until about 2 years in. But at that point we have a serious talk about timelines and we were both on the same page. I don’t think I could wait 3 years without any idea.
Post # 9
I think I wish I wasn’t waiting. And I’d say it is too soon. But my dad let it slip (my first ever “waiting post”). I’m not in a rush and we had said after I graduate (June).
Still can’t help thinking about it, as much as I try. It’s not a tiny thing. And it’s not the just the wedding (thats a recent development) its the many years of marriage we have ahead of us.
Being distracted is good. And then he says something like “so and so is getting married” or “I’m going to a bachelor weekend in February” and I just let it all out. Argh.
Post # 10
All: Thanks for the advice! I think I may give the internet a time out and focus on knitting christmas presents. Then knitting for knitting’s sake, if need be.
For the extra info asked for: We’re both 24, have been together officially for 1.5 years, but have been friends for nearly 10. We started talking about marriage, kids, etc. about 6 months in because we both knew. We live together now and definitely act married short of having a joint account. We both have good jobs with good incomes, but he only recently got his job (hence the not being able to buy a ring yet).
I will say in his defense about not letting me in on any of it: he is an “old soul” and super romantic. He’s doing what he thinks is the right way to do it. Those are things I love about him, but in this instance it does make me slightly nutty.
Post # 11
I’ve known him for 8 years and waited 6 years. Every year he’d talk about marriage and I’d have the worst Christmas-New Years-Valentines and birthdays waiting especially after he’d mention it to mutual friends or show me pictures of rings. After the third year of waiting, I was pretty convinced, he wasn’t gong to marry me until I am 40. After the fifth year of waiting, I was convinced we were never going to be married so I left and dated another person. I learned how to focus more on me than concentrate on what ‘our’ lives would be like. We ended up together again and although I know he’s ordered the ring I want but I think I’ve really mellowed out about getting married or being proposed to again. Lol, now he’s the one worried about if I’ll say yes.
Post # 12
I have been waiting about 4 years and I still don;t know if i’m coping 🙂
It helps to still think about it by “researching” online and chatting on the bee – having a conversation with SO every now and then really helps too to make sure we are still on the same page.