Post # 1
I guess this post is a little unfocused, but I’ll give you a run-down of SO and my relationship :p We’ve been together for about two years, just graduated from college and moved in together, both 22 years old. We have an amazing relationship, based on a loving friendship, and I can’t imagine life without him. We have discussed kids/marriage on-and-off, in specific and non-specific terms, and we both see a future together. That being said, all of this is a way off for us. We don’t plan to move back to our final resting city together for around two years, so that seems like a logical time for us to be engaged. We would be together for four years at that point, living together for two, and each 24 years old.
So, since I know that engagement and marriage aren’t in my future for at least two years, why can’t I stop thinking about it?! I can’t stop looking at rings, and thinking about how beautiful he would be waiting for me at the end of the aisle, and how amazing he would be with our future babes! I can’t stop thinking about that time in our lives, and wanting it to hurry up and get here! I love our relationship how it is, and in some ways, I wish I had never opened the “waiting can of worms.” Is there a way to put the future in the back of your mind and learn to live more in the present and appreciate it for what it is? Sometimes I feel like I’m doing a great job with this, other times – not so much :p
Anyone in a similar position? Please? 🙂 Also, I guess this is my first formal introduction on this board, so, hello!
Post # 3
I did exactly the same thing. After 2 years I started looking at bits of inspiration and I had a whole folder of them on my computer (before Pinterest!) and then soon I got bored and I stopped.
I don’t think you’ll ever not want to look at rings when you pass shops, or daydream about what it’ll be like in a couple of years, but soon you’ll just stop thinking about it because you know it won’t happen for a while.
The best thing would be to not look online, not come on sites like this, and not be surrounded by ‘wedding’.
Is there anything you want to do before you get married? Go on a holiday for example, or get settled in a career? They are your best hopes of focussing your attention elsewhere.
It’s hard, especially when girls are ready for it long before guys, but soon that day will come.
Post # 4
Hi. You’re totally welcome, but I will say this: if your goal is to NOT keep thinking about something you know won’t happen for two years…skedaddle! Don’t drive yourself crazy by reading posts here…=)
If you want to drive yourself crazy…then by all means, pull up a chair. Here’s a glass of wine. It’s a red (Tempranillo), from Spain, called La Flaca.
Post # 5
@peachacid: I’ll gladly pull up a chair, and take a glass – but mine will be a rosé! I know well enough to know I probably can’t keep myself away from this website (I’ve been a lurker for quite a bit :p) But, I do know that, although I’m waiting, at least it’s healthy waiting. It’s waiting with progress, and with my SO on the same page. So, not torturous at least! Just, looking for ways to appreciate what we have now as well 🙂
@lookingglass: Excellent points, actually! The next few years will definitely be years of growth and goals for both SO and I, as we’re both attempting to launch our careers. He’s already gainfully employed. Me, not so much. I have been splitting my time, essentially, between job hunting, networking, working out, and WB :p Still lots to accomplish!
So great to have thoughtful, caring women like yourselves around, to be an outlet when the SO is gone and the puppy is asleep :p
Post # 6
@MissElizabeth: Hi, welcome.
I think it’s normal to get excited and caught up in the idea of marriage & the future.
Sounds like you have a good foundation for it 🙂
I don’t know if there’s a right time to get engaged.. what is stopping you from doing it now? Unless you want a big wedding and need to save for it, or your ‘final resting city’ is going to be closer to your families or something, then why wait?
Yeah you’re young, but you’re also college educated and living together so I assume you have a means to support yourselves.
I guess my advice would be if you really can’t get engaged/married sooner, then you should just try to enjoy your time together now and realize that 2 years isn’t *such* a long time. You could even start putting ideas together for your wedding, maybe go ring shopping together (or find or what you like in a ring and give him suggestions)… stuff like that.
Post # 7
@MissElizabeth: Mmm rose. Do you like the sweet kind or the dry kind? I’m a dry lover. =) We’re going to have three kinds of pink champagne at my wedding…*insert excited dancing*
Post # 8
I’m in much the same position as you (ie been together about 2 years, live together, talk about marriage, but don’t expect to we engaged for maybe 2 years).
Honestly, although I’m a little wedding mad at the moment (a bridesmaid in two weddings this year and attending 3 others), I don’t actually consider myself waiting. I know it will happen, but ‘waiting’ sounds painful, and I watched a close friend go slightly mad waiting this year until she got engaged last month.
Ive got no advice for you, just enjoy being all loved up with your Boyfriend or Best Friend for now, by all means look at wedding stuff, I doubt I’ll be this wedding crazy for the whole few years until its my time. It comes and goes. As long as you’re happy with your timeline, do whatever makes you happy (ie if looking at rings make you happy- do it, but if it upsets you that your time is still 2 years away, then hold back as much as you can!)
Post # 9
@canarydiamond: You hit the nail on the head – the ‘final resting city’ is full of family, and where we are now is just a temporary situation. We would both MUCH prefer to be engaged and married surrounded by family, in a place and home that we feel is a permanent home, and perhaps be a little more settled in our careers. Certainly nothing is stopping us from doing it earlier, it’s just sort of a mutal agreement that we’d prefer to be more settled 🙂
@peachacid: DRY! All the way 🙂 I love the chilly zing! In fact, I imagine I’ll be enjoying some right… about… now!