Too fussy?

posted 10 months ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
6447 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

There are a LOT of people who have had attraction grow over the course of dating someong they didn’t initially find attractive. I am not one of those people. I’ve simply never had any physical attraction develop after getting to know someone, even if they’re incredible people. It has always been the case that I am either attracted to them or I am not. Period.

Now, there have been plenty of people I’ve been attracted to that were complete and total asshats. Then again, there have been some fabulous people, too. But I’ve never wasted my time or theirs by dating someone I didn’t find physically attractive. 

So I think the first step is recognizing which kind of person you are. CAN you develop feelings or attraction to someone if you didn’t initially find them attractive? If so, then definitely give almost anyone a second date because something could very well develop from there. If not, then only date guys you find attractive. There’s no crime in that, and it doesn’t mean that either way of finding a life partner is better or worse. My relationship with Dh is just as deep and intense and based on personality as anyone else’s, but I was always attracted to him physically. 

Post # 18
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

How attractive are you?

The reason why I ask is I often find people who are super picky are a 5/10 woman and only attracted to 9/10 men

If you want him to have perfect hair,  eyes,  body,  job etc, you gotta have all that too 

Post # 19
Member
6447 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Hunnibee88 :  I disagree. Just as some women are attracted to men who are a 3/10 physically and might be a 11/10 socially or economically or otherwise, there are men who are more than happy to marry a woman who is a 4/10 physically but hits it out of the park as far as social skills, education and emotional intelligence goes. A woman or a man with extraordinary confidence usually gains that confidence through something other than physical attractiveness, and that can carry a person a very long way. Indeed, most people who are very successful as far as education goes choose to marry someone who is either their peer or who exceeds their educational level. That has ZERO to do with being traditionally physically attractive. 

Just as women might find someone without “perfect hair, eyes, body” attractive, just as many men find women without those traits attractive. Attraction is a complicated matter among human beings. 

Post # 20
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

echomomm :  i do agree with a lot of your values points… like this one especially

“A woman or a man with extraordinary confidence usually gains that confidence through something other than physical attractiveness, and that can carry a person a very long way”

But…

“Some women are attracted to men who are a 3/10 physically and might be a 11/10 socially or economically or otherwise, “

Ive never seen this work in the reverse tho.  Just my own observation. 

“Just as women might find someone without “perfect hair, eyes, body” attractive, just as many men find women without those traits attractive”

Again I’ve never seen this. Men are “attracted” to “attractive”… which is why you see the scenario above you mentioned all the time. Gorgeous woman,  average man,  however he’s accomplished in other financial or educational aspects.  Im not sure if I’ve seen a 1/10 unattractive woman with a gorgeous handsome 10/10 stud cause she’s brainy….. 

Again,  just something i have not observed. 

Post # 21
Member
46 posts
Newbee

I met my now partner on tinder lol. He barely had a picture on there but I was like what the hell. So I met him one night after talking for weeks, and he was super skinny and a balding red head, he was also 4  years younger than me at 22! Lol. I remember meeting him and going back to my friends house afterwards like “he’s nice but I’ll never have sex with him. I’m not at all attracted to him”. Now, I never thought he was ugly, he was super cute actually. But I did not have any sexual attraction to him whatsoever. We kept talking as we really really got along and we were just friends for a couple of months. One night I asked to stay at his place after drinking  as I was a bit lonely (I actually think I’d just been ghosted by another guy but I can’t quite remember haha). And he picked me up and I went back to his and we just cuddled for a while. Then had sex. And seriously. I’ll tell you, I’d had sex with about 30 people before him, and he Was very very inexperienced. And he was AMAZING. The sexual chemistry we had was off the charts. I couldn’t stay away! We stayed at each others house practically every night after that. Now over 4 years later we have two kids and are blissfully happy and when I see him walking by I think he’s the hottest fucker alive. 

Post # 22
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Unless my gut feeling tells me the other person is something like a serial killer, I try to go on at least a second date. On the first date with my now-husband though I was instantly attracted to both his physical and mental traits. The attraction only grew further as our relationship developed.

(I never asked if he felt the same way about me when we first met. Haha!)

Post # 23
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

He was a friend of a friend and I could not stand him for three years. It’s a running joke now that he’s awful at first impressions because each of his friends didn’t like him at first, but he clearly wanted a date with me and I avoided him to the best of my ability before giving in and letting him take me to lunch. So no, there was definitely no initial attraction! That came over the course of the lunch, when I realized we had a lot in common and I had a really great time talking to him. Turns out he’s a genuinely good person with chronic foot-in-mouth syndrome. And for me personally, attraction is 100% personality based. I don’t think I’ve ever been physically attracted to a man due to his looks, but I recognize that makes me weird.

So unless a guy is an honest-to-god asshole or gives off creep vibes, I think they’re worth a casual date. You never know what could happen!

Post # 24
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee

I met my fiancée on POF and I wasn’t sure I was attracted to her sexually when we first met, I thought she was pretty, but there was not an instant sexual attraction. However, there was just something about her that I really liked and we kept seeing each other, as time went on I found her more and more attractive.

I know pretty much straight away if I find someone unattractive, however, with some women I don’t have an instant sexual attraction but I think they are pretty and their personally really grows on me, then I find after some time I’m really attracted to them. So no, I wouldn’t continue to date someone I found unattractive, but I would date someone I thought was good looking but I wasn’t instantly sexually attracted to as the attraction can grow over time if they have a great personality. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors