(Closed) Too laid back, no initiative?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
82 posts
Worker bee

As hard and sad and unfair as it is, I think your last sentence speaks volumes about how he’s making you feel.  I’m alarmed by his admission that he’s never put 100% into your relationship – do you really want to be with someone who can’t be bothered to put his all into the most important relationship of his life?

Post # 4
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I’m sorry you are having such a rough time. I too am alarmed by his actions. Sounds like he is completley unsure about what he wants. You know he loves you, but does he love you enough to be the man he should be? He needs to grow up. I would sit him down and finish out this conversation with him and then follow your gut about what the right decision is, you’ll know what you need to do even if you don’t like it .  I’m not sure how many times I could break up with someone and still be able to feel secure in our relationship maybe that  is part of the problem. Good luck and keep us up to date.

Post # 5
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think counseling is a fine idea, and may help the two of you figure out what is best for you both as individuals and as a team.  Best of luck!

Post # 6
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I would also strongly recommend that you do the couples therapy before just ending the relationship. Especially if you love him so much. I ALSO think you should ask him to do some individual counseling and maybe you might want to as well. 

I also have to say that when my FH and I were in this stage of our relationship we had some very similar issues in terms of me feeling like he was not as invested or putting in as much/enough effort. He also takes a looooong time to come to terms to decisions. We were able to talk things through and with a little help things actually turned out better. I think the main thing is – if you are going to do therapy with him you have to be willing to forgive him for what he has done in the past and be willing to let him rebuild trust with you. You also have to be willing to acknowledge that you might need to change some things about yourself.

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