Post # 1
I have a question about gifts. My mother’s friends threw me a shower in August and almost all of my BMs came to that one and brought a gift/contributed to the group gift. My Maid/Matron of Honor is also throwing me a shower/bachelorette in a few weeks which will include my BMs (one of whom could not make it to the last shower) and a friend from out of town who was also not at the last shower. I received the invitation in the mail last week and it had my registry info on it. I’m worried that this wedding is just getting so expensive for my friends. Is it really appropriate that those that came to the last shower (the majority of the guests) bring another gift? Should I email them and tell them not to or something? I just don’t know what’s appropriate. Because it’s also my bachelorette I imagine they will also incur other costs, like splitting the limo, dinner, etc. I want our wedding to be fun — not expensive! What should I do?
Post # 3
I would like to think that they know how many gifts is too many and how much costs is too much. But I don’t see a problem in just letting them know that you would enjoy their presence far more than any gift they can give you.
Post # 4
I think if they can afford a gift they will give one if not they wont give one. I dont think you should tell them thats just how weddings are!
Post # 5
I agree — I bet if you send an email (short and sweet) mentioning how you are looking forward to spending the time with them and do not want anyone to feel the need to overspend that would be fine. You’ll probably still receive gifts… but maybe guests will give smaller items and not feel cheap in doing so! When I’ve been an Bridesmaid or Best Man in the past I generally buy one shower gift and a bachelorette gift.
Hope that helps!
Post # 6
My mom threw me a champagne brunch not too long ago for my friends who couldn’t make it to my shower. But I really just wanted it to be a brunch…no gifts. So I told them that their presence was my present. Although some didn’t listen and brought a gift…but it was their decision.
Post # 7
I don’t think you HAVE to say anything, but these are your friends. I’d prob send a short email and mention that gifts are not necessary. I’m sure they’d appreciate it!
Post # 8
Theoretically they ought to know that etiquette books say they do NOT have to bring a gift if they’re invited to multiple showers.
But I’m like you, I might say something anyway. Like, “Hey, I’m looking forward to the shower, and the last one was fun, too. I’m worried this is getting expensive for you guys, though, so remember–guests aren’t required to bring gifts to more than one shower! In fact, if it’s too expensive in terms of time, I hope you know I won’t be hurt if you don’t come to everything.”
But I think I’d only say that to my bridesmaids, because I think they’d feel the obligation more strongly, and because the dress/travel/all sorts of stuff may weight more heavily on them in terms of $$.
Post # 9
Since this is a bachelorette party/ shower Im sure most of them will bring you lingerie and not something off your registry. But I would spread the word that gifts are not necessary.
Post # 10
Personally – I don’t think you need to say anything! These girls took the time to plan and throw you this shower even though they already brought a gift to the first one. It isn’t like they were invited to multiple showers; they planned it! I think it would come across as kind of rude to tell them not to get you a gift for the event thay planned that is centered around getting the bride gifts!
Post # 11
I think that is really sweet and considerate that you care about your bridesmaids possibly feeling they have to spend too much on the wedding. I think you should say something to them. People can feel pressured into buying a gift or feel rude coming without one. I dont think it would be rude at all for you to tell them that gifts arent required. That leaves the option open to them. You are in no way implying that you would somehow be unappreciative if they did choose to bring something but letting them know that if they cant that is ok.
Post # 12
I think you are a great person to consider this. I have felt very uncomfortable of late with the amount I’ve had to spend as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
I personally would talk to your BMs about it and make it clear what you are comfortable with. Perhaps paying for their dresses and shoes so that they don’t feel out of pocket may help.
Post # 13
If you attend the shower, you are not required or obligated, nor is it rude, to not give a gift at the wedding as well. The registries for both are the same so the couple would get the same gifts no matter what. In the current economy, many people cannot even afford one gift, much less 2 or more.