(Closed) Too Many People on the Guest List – Help!

posted 7 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

The avg rate for decline is 20% which means you shouldn’t go over inviting 190. However, if less decline you’re up a creek! I would create an A and B list. Invite the first 160 people you want and as people decline invite the next set of guests and so on.

Start sticking up for yourself. This is your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Your RSVP rate will depend on a few things: how many out of towners, is it a holiday weekend, and just plain randomness. You should expect anywhere from 70-85% of people to RSVP yes. It’s all guess work. 

But really, that is not the main issue here. You need to have a heart to heart with your FH and tell him your concerns. Try not to sound dramatic but bring up numbers. If you can leave his mom out of it, that is always helpful. If this proves to not be helpful, you may just have to be a hard ass.

This is your and your FH wedding. Over 200 people invited to a space that holds 160 is asking for trouble. So start cutting. If you don’t have A, B, C lists in order of importance, start there. When drama arises (and I am sure it will) stay calm and point to our space limits. That won’t change and no one can argue with that.

If you don’t want to cut too many folks, maybe you can cut out plus-ones to only married, engaged or living together. that may help. Some people cut children. Whatever seems best to you. If your true vision for your wedding was a small gathering, focus on that. I think most brides who don’t (nicely) stand up for themselves regret it in the end.

Our rule is that if we haven’t personally met you and spoken with you (we have been together for over 4 years), they aren’t invited. I didn’t want strangers congratulating me on my wedding day. Good luck. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@ShaunaBrege: We had the same rule. If you hadn’t met one of us, then you’re not that important in our lives. (The only exception was out of state/country relatives)

Post # 6
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ya our venue max is 140 and I sent out 169 invites. I’m hoping to have closer to 120 and I’ll probably get that since it’s a destination wedding (while it’s not out of the country the majority of our guests will have to travel 600 miles or more) and we’re having our wedding on a Monday!

Post # 7
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Maybe stick to a certain criteria such as “First cousins” only? Hubs and I both come from pretty large families, my immediate family (uncles and aunts) don’t number that many but I’m close to my mom’s cousins’ and their families. We cut down our guest list so that only immediate uncles and aunts were invited, friends did not get a plus one unless they were living together, engaged, or married. Also, I’d recommend telling your Fiance or Future Mother-In-Law that its not that you don’t want to invite her extra guests, but the facility is not capable of holding that many per fire codes or whatever.

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