(Closed) Too many pre-wedding events?! Is this normal nowadays?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Not normal.  I’m getting married in 9 weeks.  I’m having 1 shower, and had a few shopping trips that I invited people to but didn’t expect anyone except for my mother to go to.  Even our trip to shop for bridesmaid dresses not all the bridesmaids went to.  I would definitely not feel bad declining to go to even 2 of the 3 showers.  You’ve done enough.

Post # 18
306 posts
Helper bee

I am probably the only one to say it, but yes, this seems “normal” to me. I don’t think the move towards multiple events is GOOD, but it’s starting to be “normal” in my neck of the woods, where women have crazy expensive weddings. Last year, one of my coworkers had three bridal showers, a party at school, a bachelorette party, and the wedding – and that’s just what I knew about. This year, two of my coworkers are getting married and having three bridal showers each, plus additional events.

This weekend, I am going to a friend’s wedding. When they got engaged, they had a wedding shower in our town, and have also had at least one shower where she and her fiancé live. They haven’t had any other events, but we’re expected to arrive this Thursday morning and stay on-site for parties each evening in addition to a bachelorette and bachelor’s party, a booze tour of New Orleans, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and getting-ready events. There’s a brunch the following day but we’re skipping. I plan on declining all but the reherasal dinner and bachelorette party, and we purchased a small gift card for a previous bridal shower and went in on a big gift for the wedding. I’d skip more, but it’s my boyfriend’s best friend and he feels bad declining, even though it’s racking up big for us!

Post # 19
209 posts
Helper bee

That’s pretty excessive.  For me and almost all of my friends, there was one shower and one bachelorette.  The friend who did have two showers only did so because the groom’s family is from out of town and wanted to throw her their own shower since they couldn’t all make it to the one that her mom and I had planned, and nobody had to go to (or do anything for) both of them.  For our wedding, we did invite our bridal party over on one separate occasion so we could coordinate their outfits and have a chance to introduce everyone, but we bought them food and wine. 

It’s totally acceptable to decline some of the events.  Just make sure to do so politely and do your best to be helpful at anything you are going to. 

Post # 20
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Ok, that’s pretty absurd! She’s just being a princess bridezilla. I’m getting married and the only “events” we are doing is we had an engagement party (future inlaws literally forced it) and my girls are planning a bachelorette. But that’s it. A “say yes to the dress” party?! Come on! No way! Go ahead and decline all of these events. She’s a total nutcase 

Post # 21
10284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

She made you Venmo her for the dinner for her Say Yes to The Dress party? Wow, sorry but that’s not cool.

If they have the means to throw multiple parties, that’s one thing. but to expect you to find them or even just a portion of them is ridiculous. 

I guess they either don’t have that much money or else they are deliberately being showy on other people’s dollar. Either way, she should have the parties she can afford and no, she shouldn’t invite you to more than one shower. Frankly you’ve spent enough on her. 

Post # 22
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

My bridesmaids and I were discussing this yesterday. My Maid/Matron of Honor (sister) had never heard of bridal teas or showers, and I was explaining them. We settled on the engagement party this year and a girls day and/or night close to home next year as a hens/bacholerette party. Adding in a shower was getting too much for me, I prefer to keep it simple, and I don’t want people to think they’re obliged to spend money on me or for me.

Post # 23
47 posts
  • Wedding: October 2018

I can’t believe they invited you then charged you

Post # 24
1435 posts
Bumble bee

These days with people’s limited vacation days, and budgets people should be LUCKY if people attend their wedding if the guests have to travel out of town for it. Between Christmas with my family and my boyfriends family and his families yearly week long summer vacation and me trying to also make sure we go home to my family cabin once during the Summer we are almost all booked up! I can’t imagine fitting in other friends excessive wedding parties before the actual wedding. 

For me when I get married I have accepted that I will have to have two wedding showers because we live on the East Coast now but my family is from the West Coast and many of my old family friends won’t be able to attend the wedding so I will end up flying home for a shower with them and then having one here with our friends and his family who is on the East Coast. But for me, no engagement party – I am sorry but that is what a wedding is for!! To celebrate the marriage!! And a bachelorette party? What is wrong with a spa day and a simple girls night in the town the bride to be lives in? 

I have to hear from friends all the time about friends of theirs who have a destination bachelorette, plus a destination wedding, plus a wedding shower where they are asking their friends to make all the food, or plan the whole thing. WTF is wrong with people?! No one wants to have to say their budget is too tight to allow them to attend all that pre wedding garbage, or that they don’t want to spend their precious vacaion days on that. People are rediculous about weddings these days…. 

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