(Closed) Too many showers? …rant!

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
2246 posts
Buzzing bee

I am a fan of showers, within reason.  I am the type of person who doesn’t hold people hostage to things, because I hate having that done to me.  If someone can’t afford or cannot find time to attend my shower (and I only want ONE), that is okay.  I’m not going to harrass them about it.  Some people just view weddings and babies as gift grab opportunities, though.  My step-cousin got married in September.  It wasn’t originally supposed to be a shotgun wedding, but she ended up five weeks pregnant at the wedding.  She just had her bridal shower in August.  By October, she was asking around to see who wanted to throw her a baby shower.  I was completely put off by her actions during her engagement.  Now, seeing how she’s been acting since the wedding (about her pregnancy), I have decided I won’t be attending any baby shower held for her.  I mean, who begs for a shower?  I would NEVER!  I want a shower really bad, mainly for the celebration aspect.  But, I certainly won’t be asking anyone to throw me one!

No, you’re not being a jerk.  She’s just caught up in the materialism of the wedding, rather than the real meaning.

Post # 4
1211 posts
Bumble bee

Her expecting too much

Post # 5
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i am not a huge fan or showers, nor am I a fan of registries. I didnt have a bridal shower or a wedding registry and now that I am pregnant I am not having a baby shower either. If people want to give you a gift they will do so on their own.

Post # 6
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I completely sympathize with you, because I can’t even tell you how many shower invitations I’ve received for people I barely know and am not close to. Just because you’re going to be invited to the wedding and are a female, it’s like you’re automatically invited to the shower. And usually by the bride, which is not the way it’s supposed to be designed. The bride shouldn’t be involved in the shower at all!

Post # 7
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

For the record, showers happen *because* it’s expensive to get set up in a new home, and a lot of new couples can use help (typically from older family members who are more established, not equally broke friends!).

She was wrong to give you a hard time for missing it though. 

Post # 8
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think your friend had any right to get mad at you for not attending either the shower or the wedding (no one should feel guilty for not being able to attend an event), but I don’t think she’s being unreasonable by having and inviting you to a bridal shower, wedding, and baby shower.  Those are basic events that most people have when they get married or have their first child.

Should she have gotten mad at you for not attending? Absolutely not.  But is it unreasonable of her to have those showers to celebrate major life events?  I don’t think so. 

Post # 9
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

OK. So let me play devil’s advocate for one second….

I do agree that the way she conducted herself was not becoming of a true friend and that 1300 is a lot of money.

But, if she only wanted something from you for the shower or wedding, I think she would’ve commented about the gift as opposed to you not being there. Maybe she was upset you weren’t going to be at her wedding as her friend. If she was upset because you couldn’t afford the gift, then that’s wrong of her. But I can understand her being hurt because you won’t attend the wedding.

On another note, I appreciate registries. If it was up to me, everyone would have an engraved picture frame. If I’m spending money, I’d prefer to get them something they actually want and need than me having to figure it out.

Post # 11
184 posts
Blushing bee

I can’t imagine “coming down” on ANY friend for not attending a shower, especially friends that now live 8 hours away!!!!!!!

A polite explanation from you should have sent her on her merry way and she should understand what it would have cost you.  

With a friend like that, who needs enemies!



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