- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I’m new to the site, but I’ve been reading a lot of the posts and have a situation to put forward… I guess this all boils down to opinion and how you feel about showers.
I myself am not a big fan but can understand that some people are. Is there a point when you NEED to have a shower to literally afford the event that it becomes completely ridiculous?
One of my gf’s last year (shortly after graduating Uni) announced that she was getting married at the end of the summer. Last minute considering we were in May…but to each’s own.
Firstly came the invitation for her wedding shower. The date was soon after I moved home… about 8 hours from where I went to school. Now assuming I could have gone to the shower I would have been paying for gas/transportation, hotel and gift for a 1 day trip. I declined the invitation as I couldn’t afford to do the trip twice (assuming I was going to the wedding). I was guesstimating that the trip with gift and hotel would probably set me back about $400.
Her wedding was about 2 months later, again paying for gas, hotel, gift. I had no problem coming up with the money for this UNTIL she started really coming down on me for missing her shower. I apologized for missing her shower but was left jaded from the whole situation.
She had 4 registries for things in her new house and for her wedding that honestly looked like they had no business being there. I can literally tell you the colour scheme for each room of her house! She had random stuff from $4 spatulas to a $600 tv to silk bed sheets and slippers. I understand that it’s good to have a wide array of prices, but she flat out told me that the reason they had so much stuff on the registry was because they couldn’t afford to furnish their new house.
Between getting yelled at for not attending the shower and seeing her registries, I decided that I was better off not attending the wedding and just sending a card. When she got my RSVP, again, she flipped out on me. She said I was a bad friend and selfish for not wanting to drive back for her wedding.
If this was the situation you were in, wouldn’t you either put of buying the house – if you couldn’t afford it, or tone down your wedding so that the budget reflected something you could manage?
Would also like to add, that the wedding happened so quickly because it was a… shotgun wedding! Low and behold a few months after the wedding came the baby shower!
I still feel like showers are meant to be a time to celebrate…not hold a gun to peoples head and try and collect as much stuff as possible. I have been to many showers for both babies and weddings and have never had such a bad taste left in my mouth as this particular friend.
Had I gone to her wedding shower, wedding and baby shower I would have been looking at $1200-$1300!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!! How could she expect that of me?
I don’t think she conducted herself properly but at least I can be sure when the situation reverses I will not put my friends in the same position she put me. I’m not sad about how the whole thing turned out, but I’m honestly curious… is this a case of me being a jerk or her expecting too much?