Post # 1
Hi all. Let me preface this question by saying I live in Texas where people don’t really give cash gifts at weddings…peeps are all about registry gifts here.
My dilemma: Is it overkill to have a “stock the bar” engagement party, a bridal shower, and a lingerie shower (to be held at the bachelorette party)?
One of my bridesmaids wants to throw me a shower (either couples or ladies only, my choice). That’s great, but she and several other friends already threw us a “stock the bar” engagement party where each couple brought a bottle of booze. And another bridesmaid is taking the lead on the bachelorette, which will include a lingerie shower.
Is this overkill? Even if we did a ladies-only shower, there would be 15-20 friends that would end up invited to all three! (My family lives far away and I don’t have co-workers, so I kinda have one big friend pool that is hard to separate into categories).
Post # 3
@marilen: do not invite the same people to 3 showers, that’s exhausting for them. it’s too much. just no.
If you only have 1 “audience” then you only get 1 shower.
it would be different if your autns trhew you a shower fo ryour family members that was separate from friends.
Post # 4
@marilen: I don’t have an issue with the engagement party, one shower and a wedding gift but I wouldn’t be giving another gift at a second shower. If it was totally different crowds it wouldn’t be an issue but if some guests would be the same then it is too excessive. 4 gifts for the one event plus all the other costs associated with going to a wedding is too much.
Post # 5
I’m good for one shower gift and one wedding gift. per PP I don’t think it’s unusual for her side to have one shower and his to have another, but if most of your invitees are the same for all events – I think it’s too much, and I’d hate to be put in the postion of having to say no and look like scrooge.
Post # 6
I was JUST having this conversation a few hours ago with my friend who is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in another wedding. She is invited to two (possibly 3?) showers AND a lingerie shower. It’s too much.
If I were you, I would ask that there not be a lingerie shower at your bachelorette–lingerie is expensive, and these folks are already paying money for your bachelorette as well. I think the other two are fine though!
Post # 7
Thanks, all. This is echoing my concerns! I think I’ll decline the regular shower offer.
I basically considered the “stock the bar” thing to double as a shower until this came up. It was the hosts’ idea and I liked it because it wasn’t so gift-centric (people just put a bottle of wine or liquor on a table with no fanfare).
The lingerie thing has me on the fence. We are just having an “adult slumber party” at a friend’s house for my bachelorette…super laid back, just fajitas and margaritas. So non-host attendees aren’t paying for anything. I’ve had many friends do this at their parties on top of and expensive dinner or hotel rental…and after other showers…gifts ranged from VS chemises to cheap gag stuff but nothing extravagant.
May just nix it all…if peeps are hot to gift, there’s always the wedding. 🙂
Post # 8
@marilen: I think it’s too many.
Each person should only be invited to one shower. If it is a bachelorette, it’s a bachelorette, with no presents.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@marilen: Just saw your update as I was about to post. I think you made the right decision because it is so much (these people will also be going to the wedding so buying a present for that too – it does get exhausting and expensive). Hopefully they will respect your wishes and not do a surprise one. I think you definitely have a lot of people that care about you to want to throw so many showers. You should feel loved, for sure!
Post # 10
You’re making the right choice!
I’m having three parties, one was a Christmas shower, one will be a regular kitchen shower, and one is an engagement party.
There’s no overlap between the gift showers (Christmas and the kicthen) – there is with the engagement party but that is not a gift givng party (at least in my circle).
Post # 11
I’m going off of very limited etiquette knowledge here (not engaged yet), but an engagement party and a bridal shower are pretty standard as far as pre-wedding parties. I know my cousin also had a lingerie shower, but that seems optional in most cases. I don’t think people usually bring gifts to engagement parties, though, so that’s where your situation gets a little tricky. If the engagement party hadn’t been a stock-the-bar event, I would say go ahead and have a bridal shower and a lingerie shower, assuming the same people aren’t being invited to both events. As for your Bridesmaid or Best Man throwing you a shower, I would politely decline and keep it to just one bridal shower unless the showers are for different crowds. Maybe say that the lingerie is completely optional, and if the girls really want to give you something, they still can!
Sorry I’m not much help, but it’s good that you’re asking these questions! Good luck!
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Agree on cutting out the lingerie party- if someone wants to give you some, they can make it their shower gift.