Post # 1
I was invited to a wedding and saw that the couple had registered for honeymoon/money, at least three places for houseware items and are having a party for a ‘date-money’ shower as well…. ?
Etiquette-wise… is this a no-no? In your opinion, how much is too much to ask for?
( I was in no way thinking of asking all this for myself… but I did want to see what other bees thought of it)
Post # 3
P.S. I should add these people are in no way needing money right now. They both have full time jobs and get paid pretty well!
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Personally, I think more than 3 registries looks a little…excessive. I don’t want to say anything negative, it’s just my personal opinion, and whatever floats your boat. A family member who’s getting married the month before us has 5 registries. At that point, I have to wonder why they didn’t just go with one of those sites that lets you register anywhere. We went with 2 registries.
Post # 5
I have never heard of a “date-money” shower and that seems a little ridiculous to me – why am I paying for dates I’m not going on?
Post # 6
I don’t know what a date money shower is so I can’t comment on that. But i’ll chime in and say that I don’t believe that 3 registries is excessive. I have 3 registries. I don’t have a ton of stuff on them. I just couldn’t find stuff I like all at one or two stores. Who cares how many registries there are. I would be more turned off by a couple with one registry with 300 items than a couple with 3 registires with 100 items total.
Post # 7
The number of registries doesn’t bother me. I’m going to be spending the same amount of money (based on my finances at the time and how close we are) regardless of how many places they’re registered. If they want to spend that much time registering, that’s their business. If a “date-money” shower is me giving them money so they can go on dates, that just doesn’t sound right. There are plenty of free or nearly free date options, I’d give them a card with a printout of those free date options. 🙂
ETA: Are they having a regular shower in addition to the “date-money” shower? If they weren’t I would probably just give them the money they want. But it would probably be less than what I would normally spend for a shower since I can’t often afford dates that cost a lot and the whole thing rubs me the worng way.
Post # 8
That seems like too much. Even if its at one place it can bee too excessive. If I have to wait for 25 pages to print I think it steps over the line of appropriate.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t care how many places or how many items they registered for. As a PP pointed out, I’m going to spend the same amount of money either way!
As for the “date-money shower,” if it is what it sounds like, there is no way I would go, give money or a gift, or even try to make my wedding gift larger to try and “make up” for not having given a shower gift. That is so rude (IMO) to host something and say, “hey, come to this and bring us money.”
Post # 10
I think its a bit much.. But at least it gives the guests a varietly to choose from to be able to get or give something in their budgets.
Post # 11
We have 3 registries: 1 online[honeymoon excursions], 1 out-of-town chain store & 1 local chain store. That way, it gives everyone options in all price ranges and allows for guests to still have options if they don’t feel comfortable buying online or cannot travel the 30 mins to the other store.
If they are having a large wedding, then it would make a little more sense. We are having 200-225 guests so 3 made sense to us.
Post # 12
I think three is fine, I’ve never seen anyone go above that, and it seems right to me. We did two.
What the heck is a date-money shower?? That seems weird esp with other registries. I wouldn’t go to a regular shower and then contribute money to another….
Post # 13
I have heard of the date-night showers before and I think they sound like alot of fun! Date-money may be different, but date-night showers are where guests give the gift of “dates” rather than typical shower gifts. For example guest may give museum passes, restaurant or movie gift cards, cookbook/cookware to make a meal at home, picnic basket, hot air balloon pass, local hiking guide, etc (you get the idea). I like this because guests can be creative. Personally,these are my favorite types of gifts to give- the couple may enjoy a toaster, but it makes me so happy to think of all the picnics in the park they are having, or the concert they enjoyed together. That being said, if these are the types of gifts they are hoping for I’m not sure why they registered at some many place- but to each their own!
Post # 14
Being of a stiff-necked old-fashionedly-independent nature, I think ANY registering “for gifts” is excessive. It may well be that recent innovations in manners make it “rude” to appear at a wedding “empty-handed” — not an argument that I buy, myself, but apparently a common opinion; but that is an obligation laid on the guest that does NOT lay a corresponding obligation on the bride to advertise her neediness and insolvency.
Now, registering for household goods (and even for couple-experiences, I can grudgingly suppose) as opposed to for gifts, I can countenance. I have seen the benefits over many years of good structured record keeping, capital-expenditure planning, and applied information management. If a bride steps back for a moment, and considers all the heirloom-quality housewares she is likely to need in order to fulfill her duties as mother-wife-and-hostess over the next two generations (and, again grudgingly acknowledged, considers all the memoire-quality experiences she should share with her spouse in order to provide mentoring and advice and good stories to those generations-to-be), and engages some department stores and travel agencies to help her keep track of those plans — while taking upon HERSELF the responsibility to actualize those plans over the coming decades), I can only applaud her forethought and good planning.
That doesn’t justify, to me, running all over Target with a hand-held scanner in a frenzy of consumerism listing ordinary expendables in all the trendy current and disposable fashions. It certainly doesn’t justify registering for money! But it may very well mean registering at multiple places if your sterling flatware is Birks, and your china is Doulton, and your linens are only available from an online store in Ireland.
If a bride takes that attitude toward registering — that these are HER personal plans and he lays no obligation or even hinting of expectation upon her honoured guests — then we guests have no business passing judgement on her registries. If we don’t care to give what she has registered for, we can always give something else. And if we DO find and peruse all her registries, we get to enjoy that guilty pleasure of snooping into someone elses private plans, in a socially-accepted manner! So provided the bride — or couple; I suppose the groom’s must be allowed some say in this planning of a married life — DOES undertake final responsibility for all these planned acquisition (and experiences, 🙁 hmph! ) then I say, let her register away!
Post # 15
@Meowkers: agreed with that. We have three but we only have about 30 items in each one (which is way less than the number of people going to our wedding).
I completely agree with the previous commenter on the display of consumerism. Three registries is fine because guests get to pick and choose — plus, they don’t HAVE to buy any of it (which people do forget). I would not go to a date-money shower because it sounds ridiculously tacky no matter how rich or poor you are.
Post # 16
my friends had 6 registries when they got married. i was like WHOA WHOA WHOA.