(Closed) Too much time with the in-laws!

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Coming from one of those families who doesn’t need a reason to get together, I get how someone who didn’t grow up with that could think it is a bit excessive. Especially if you are the only one in your “generation” who bothers to come. I think that there is nothing wrong with saying that you dont want to spend every Arbor, Presidents and Grandparents day with his family. Major events like the shower, or Easter, yeah. But if his family is as awesome as you say, then there hopefully won’t be any reason they won’t get it when you (or your DH) say “We just want to spend this weekend alone, its been a long week and we just want to relax at home”. I mean, as long as you aren’t blowing off some major event, just random weekened get togethers for minor holidays or whateverr shouldn’t be a big deal. 

Post # 4
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@chasesgirl: I agree. Hopefully they’ll understand that you guys need time as a couple to build up your own family (not kids, I mean just solidifying you two as a family, getting your own routine down, etc). As long as Fiance is on board with the plan of sort of easing off a few activities each year (or month – sound like they’re busy!), you should be ok. I’ve learned the best way to do this is to have an agreed plan/line/reason that you and Fiance have discussed, so it’s a united front. Not that I think they’ll be rude or mean, but it helps to be together when when making changes.

Post # 5
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am in the same boat as you with my Fiance and his family.

I see them more than my family and my parents live 15 minutes away :(.

The in-laws have a pretty much mandatory Shabbat dinner. Usually, I dread going these days because although they are cool, we are both in the same business, so sometimes it veers into shop talk, which I don’t want to engage in after work. It’s very frustrating.

My family, on the other hand, never had dinner together when I lived there, but now they see that I go to the in-laws every Friday and my mom kind of gets a little jealous, I think. 

I try and do some kind of activity with her once a week but its hard when I work six days a week, get home at 7:30, and she won’t drive to my house. It’s a constant struggle, I guess.

I try to be as laid back about it as I can but I think at some point in the future, somethign will have to give and we’ll have to cut back to every other Friday or something. For now, I don’t want to cause any kind of drama (which may or may not happen).


Post # 6
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@amelieisme:  Our story is a little bit different, but I do understand how you feel. We live really far away from both families (they live about 4 hrs driving apart from each other), but when we visit we have to spend like a week with each family. We are so used to not having family around and then being with them 24 hrs a day is a lot! We’ve started letting the spouse have a no questions asked “time out” where we basically disappear on our own (off the grid) for a few hours. Lunch or a movie or something. It really helps, even though I love my inlaws.

Can you talk to your Darling Husband about it? Maybe agree to go to one thing every two weeks, or if you can bear it once a weekend? Maybe he can go to some things alone? You shouldn’t need to have an excuse other than “I just need to rest.” Also, maybe you could comprimise and have a weeknight dinner here and there to get out of things like “bunches” on your precious week end time. (I totally do this with friends in our town. I love them, but I don’t want to hang out with them on my only afternoon off. But can I stay awake through a Wed. night dinner? Sure.)

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