Post # 1
Luckily, I actually really like my in-laws. But still! My family lives several states away so we don’t see my family all that often. But his family is in town so we generally go over to their house for Sunday night dinner. They are pretty casual about it and understand if we can’t come, but I do feel like I have to have some sort of “excuse” to get out of going. Also, they get together with the extended family for all (even the minor) holidays and birthdays. It just gets to be a lot! I just didn’t grow up in a family like this so it gets excessive for me. And poor Darling Husband has learned to be nervous when telling me about some family event, but I just resent having to spend so much time with them! This weekend, we are going to his Aunt’s for Easter. But his grandparents on the opposite side want to “see me” (because I am pregnant, I suppose) so on Saturday we are going to do brunch with them. Last weekend, was his cousin’s bridal shower so I spent Saturday doing that. It doesn’t help that I work out of town during the week so only see Darling Husband on weekends and feel this constant pressure to be with the whole family. Not to mention the fact that we are often the “token young people” at family events as his sister is out of the country most of the time and his brother just doesn’t come. I do feel really guilty about feeling this way. His parents are awesome and do a lot for us. They keep our dog at the drop of a hat. Mostly I just wanted to vent! Anyone else feel this way and feel guilty for being such a grumpy wife??
Post # 3
Coming from one of those families who doesn’t need a reason to get together, I get how someone who didn’t grow up with that could think it is a bit excessive. Especially if you are the only one in your “generation” who bothers to come. I think that there is nothing wrong with saying that you dont want to spend every Arbor, Presidents and Grandparents day with his family. Major events like the shower, or Easter, yeah. But if his family is as awesome as you say, then there hopefully won’t be any reason they won’t get it when you (or your DH) say “We just want to spend this weekend alone, its been a long week and we just want to relax at home”. I mean, as long as you aren’t blowing off some major event, just random weekened get togethers for minor holidays or whateverr shouldn’t be a big deal.
Post # 4
@chasesgirl: I agree. Hopefully they’ll understand that you guys need time as a couple to build up your own family (not kids, I mean just solidifying you two as a family, getting your own routine down, etc). As long as Fiance is on board with the plan of sort of easing off a few activities each year (or month – sound like they’re busy!), you should be ok. I’ve learned the best way to do this is to have an agreed plan/line/reason that you and Fiance have discussed, so it’s a united front. Not that I think they’ll be rude or mean, but it helps to be together when when making changes.
Post # 5
I am in the same boat as you with my Fiance and his family.
I see them more than my family and my parents live 15 minutes away :(.
The in-laws have a pretty much mandatory Shabbat dinner. Usually, I dread going these days because although they are cool, we are both in the same business, so sometimes it veers into shop talk, which I don’t want to engage in after work. It’s very frustrating.
My family, on the other hand, never had dinner together when I lived there, but now they see that I go to the in-laws every Friday and my mom kind of gets a little jealous, I think.
I try and do some kind of activity with her once a week but its hard when I work six days a week, get home at 7:30, and she won’t drive to my house. It’s a constant struggle, I guess.
I try to be as laid back about it as I can but I think at some point in the future, somethign will have to give and we’ll have to cut back to every other Friday or something. For now, I don’t want to cause any kind of drama (which may or may not happen).
Post # 6
@amelieisme: Our story is a little bit different, but I do understand how you feel. We live really far away from both families (they live about 4 hrs driving apart from each other), but when we visit we have to spend like a week with each family. We are so used to not having family around and then being with them 24 hrs a day is a lot! We’ve started letting the spouse have a no questions asked “time out” where we basically disappear on our own (off the grid) for a few hours. Lunch or a movie or something. It really helps, even though I love my inlaws.
Can you talk to your Darling Husband about it? Maybe agree to go to one thing every two weeks, or if you can bear it once a weekend? Maybe he can go to some things alone? You shouldn’t need to have an excuse other than “I just need to rest.” Also, maybe you could comprimise and have a weeknight dinner here and there to get out of things like “bunches” on your precious week end time. (I totally do this with friends in our town. I love them, but I don’t want to hang out with them on my only afternoon off. But can I stay awake through a Wed. night dinner? Sure.)