Post # 1
Hi Bees! Well, I got married last year and have faced the inevitable question of “when are you having kids?” I never really thought about wanting kids, but as a result of people inquiring, I began to think about it more seriously these past couple of months. My husband has always gone back and forth between wanting and not wanting children, so I always said I’d go with whatever he wanted. Well, we recently spoke about it and in the end we realized that we’d actually like to have a child…if we were younger. I’m 31, he’s 38. The truth is that I’m working on a master’s program and I have that commitment for the next 2 years. Therefore, even if I wanted to have a child, it wouldn’t be possible until after I’m finished. At that point I’d be 33 and he’d be 40. I know some people would argue that 33 is still a good age to become a mother, but I can’t ignore the fact that my husband would be 40. Did we really miss the boat? Are there any “older” parent Bees that can offer some insight. Thank you!
Post # 2
I completely disagree that 33 and 40 is “missing the boat” for children. If you want children you will absolutely not be too old.
Post # 3
My uncle married his wife when she was 36 or 37. They didn’t have their first daughter until she was 38. Now they’re pregnant again with their second.
My ex’s mom remarried a much younger man who wanted children. She had her tubal ligation reversed and gave birth to twins at 50!!!! You will certainly not be too old!
Post # 4
Uhh we plan to TTC again in a few months and DH would be 40 when the kid is born if we conceive pretty quickly. Definitely not too old IMO.
Post # 5
Hi, I am turning 34 next month and I am currently 12 weeks pregnant. This is our first child, possibly only child. Everyone has a different experience but we conceived on the fourth cycle of trying. All my blood tests have come back normal with no concerns.
I personally don’t think either of you will be missing the boat at age 33/40. If you are concerned about potential risks you could take a proactive approach and see a genetic counselor ahead of time for testing for both you and your husband.
Post # 6
Most of my friends are nearing or already 40 and 3 of them just had their first children.
33 and 40 is definitely not too old.
Post # 7
Definitely not too old! My parents were 35 & 37 when I was born and I loved having mature parents. They were financially stable and secure in their relationship when I came around and that stability is really beneficial to a child in my opinion.
Post # 8
I guess for ME I, I would like all child bearing years to be done by 35… told SO that… That is just because I dont personally want to still have dependent kids in my 50s (besides college if they choose to go).
But I dont think its too old for anyone else…
Post # 9
40+ fathers are becoming more common for sure. As long as both your sets of bits are working fine there’s no reason you can’t wait a few more years
Post # 10
I’m 35.5 and my guy is newly 45, and I am pregnant with our first kid. Yeah it’d be ideal if we were both a little younger. But we are both youthful and healthy (I get carded 100% of the time, he has more energy than any guy friend my age), so I think we’re gonna be ok. And because we are older, we are more established in our careers and finances and our approach to life. It is what it is. Definitely better this than never have a family!
Oh and I got pregnant our very first cycle trying, so while age does have some effect on fertility, it’s not all automatic doom and gloom.
Post # 11
I had my first at 36 and he’s totally fine (except today when he’s miserable). My mother in law had her last two after 40. Both are fine. It’s a risk, I was nervous about it but unless your family has a risky history, there is probably nothing to worry about at 33.
Post # 12
My DH is 45 and I’m 40. I can’t image having kids at our ages. I’d be 60 by the time the kid would graduate high school, no thanks!
Post # 13
I had a baby last year at 40. So I don’t think you are too old at all.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
This is such a super personal decision, but here’s what I can say about my own experience.
I had my daughter when I was 21. I got married young ; my mom had me at 20 and was always vocal about her belief that everyone was better off if they had their children young and got on with their lives. This position, like many of her beliefs about parenting, was a bunch of crap.
When my ex and I split up, it was always my intention to have more kids. This continued to be true right up until they took out my uterus when I was 38.
While it’s true that I don’t have the same energy I did at 21, I have a much MUCH greater store of patience, maturity, and wisdom to bring to parenting. If FH and I had met a year earlier than we did, we might still have had a baby together.
As it is, my daughter is 18 and in no hurry to have kids, so I’m just going to hunker down and wait for grandkids.
If your concerns are biological, the standard line about fertility and the possibility of birth defects rising dramatically after 30 are based on outdated data and largely debunked. People generally take much better care of themselves than they used to and with proper prenatal care you can have a healthy baby well into your 40’s and beyond.
No one can tell you what amounts to “too old” for you. Lifestyle, finances, and personal values all play into the picture. You still have time to mull things over, and make a choice in either direction. Whichever you choose, it will be fine.
Post # 15
I personally don’t think you have & know lots of ppl having their 1st child in their mid to late 30’s, including me if I’m lucky enough to have children. But if you feel too old now that’s not going to change as you get older. only you know your health, financial & life circumstances & to me they are bigger considerations when it comes to having children than age.