Post # 1
I am struck with terrible bridal party decisions…
I already have a bridal party of 6 BMs because I didn’t want to leave any of my “sisters” and any of my core friends out so here’s what I have:
3 BFFs – 1 blood sister – brother’s wife – FI’s sister
Now my ring bearer will be my 4yo nephew (brother’s son) and the only flower girl I was going to have is a GM’s 5yo daughter that I love… but my 8yo neice REALLY wants to be a flower girl so I was going to oblige but she’s EIGHT and nearly 5′ tall and idk is sort of past her flower girl prime if you ask me ((she was flower girl in a few weddings when she was younger so she loves it and will do a good job but still…))
SO I have a predicament.
a) let 8yo neice be a flower girl and ADD the 7yo girl I nanny to balance it out with heights and ages and give a little symmetry… even tho I WILL lose contact with this 7yo because I know I won’t be her nanny forever but I will have the pictures…
b) only have 1 Ring Bearer & 1 Flower Girl and make BOTH my 8yo niece & 14 yo niece Jr BMs to include everyone in my brother’s family (Both him & SIL are in our bridal party, his son is Ring Bearer & his daughters are the 8yo & 14yo… my 14yo niece thought she might get to be a bridesmaid initially but my bridal party was so big and she’s so young that I didn’t think that was applicable… until now I guess!). This scenario would set our bridal party at 6 BMs, 4 GMs, 2 Ushers, 2 JrBMs, 1 Flower Girl & 1 Ring Bearer… yikes!
c) only have 1Ring Bearer & 1Flower Girl and tell 8 yo neice that she can do something else in the wedding (14 yo was going to do the greeting guest table at the front so she could help with that?)
Please cast your vote.
What would you do?
Suggestions are welcome!
Post # 3
If you’re having a big wedding then I’d say make her a junior Bridesmaid or Best Man. If you’re having a small wedding and you’re beginning to have too many BMs etc I’d have her read a short reading or something.
Post # 4
Helping at the guest table, passing out programs… I think there are probably plenty of things she could do that wouldn’t result in you increasing your bridal party any more, which it sounds like you don’t want to do.
Can you get her and the 14 year old a wrist corsage or something just to make them feel special and included? We knew our 8 year-old niece didn’t want to be in the ceremony (and she is one of those 8 going on 25 year olds, so definitely not flower girl material), but we got her a small bouquet that looked like my MOH’s bouquet, which apparently she loved (not that she told her new auntie that, harrumph).
Post # 5
@ticatica: hmm well it just seems to be getting bigger and bigger… our guest count is 125 and we’re getting married on a yacht so its not a big venue but idk I never wanted a huge bridal party but I guess I feel like my 8yo is too old to be a flower girl so if I’m going to include her I should also include my 14yo niece because she’d be the only one left out of my brother’s family if I didn’t!
I think the 8yo is too young to do a reading… it might be cute tho I guess… that’s a good suggestion.. I’ll definitely think about it!
Post # 6
@Frog E.: True, true… I just feel bad I guess cuz she’s was so excited to again be a flower girl but she’s exactly what you describe: 8 going on 25! and the little girls I see as flower girls are exactly that: LITTLE! so hmmm… maybe I could giver her a title like “bride’s attendant” and that might help? I don’t know… the 8yo and the 14yo don’t exactly get along amazingly either so idk how they’d do working together… might have to get my 21yo cousin to help them… gosh this whole bridal party thing gets so out of hand QUICK!
Post # 7
OK…. in my opinion, you can’t have one neice in your party and one out…. so I think they either both need to be in, or both need new jobs (which at this point sounds like the best option since your bridal party is so big) but I personally would leave the child you nanny out, either way
Post # 8
@Sparkidoodle: Yeah exactly that’s how I feel as well that’s why I sort of asked my 14yo neice to head up the front table… it was the 8yo that assumed she was going to be Flower Girl and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I went along with it… but yes I see having the girl I nanny involved lacks timelessness and it’s probably a bad idea… but I just don’t want there to be such a wide gap in ages, heights, etc! Maybe Jr bridesmaids but have them all sit down…? I just don’t want it to look like we have a billion people up there with us…
Post # 9
When my aunt got married, I was a 9 year old, 5’1″ flower girl. I was taller than one of the BMs, and an inch shorter than my Mom, who was MoH. My brother, who was 7, was the Ring Bearer.
Post # 10
@HeathenSwan: That’s lovely & all but you see that both you AND your brother were older…? I’d have two little ones in their roles and then my neice… idk… maybe they could be Jr bridesmaids just because… they could be in little jr dresses that aren’t that expensive, hold some flowers and it saves hurt feelings… its just exhausting having so many people already!
Post # 11
@Sparkidoodle: exactly this. I totally agree. The two nieces would probably feel bad if one is in the bridal party and the other isn’t. They need to both be in the party, or not and doing some other job.
Post # 12
I voted for the first option before I read that the 14 yo niece would left out. I don’t think that’s a good idea either. I think you should just let them help out somewhere else.
Post # 13
I am having my FI’s neice who wil be 10 yo by the time of our wedding as a flower girl with my best friends LITTLE year and a half old. Our ring bearers will be 5 and 4 years old…I don’t really understand the age limit on a flower girl to be honest. I couldn’t imagine telling my Fi’s neice that she is too old/tall/etc to be a flower girl when her little heart is so set on it.
Post # 14
I would make the 8 yr old a flowergirl w/the 5 yr old. I would make the 14 yr old a jr bridesmaid.
Post # 15
@Dreamlover: agreed. 2 flower girls, and one Jr bridesmaid. Keep all the neices involves, if they want to be.
And let the 8-year-old be a flower girl if that’s what she wants to be. Girls grow up too fast: if she still sees herself as a flower girl, let her be… don’t go telling her she’s “too old” no matter how tall she is.
Post # 16
Could you have her do something like play a song on the piano at the reception?
If she wants to be a flower girl, she isn’t too old. You could also have her hold your bouquet opposed to having your Maid/Matron of Honor do it.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is going to be 10, she is my sister, with my bridesmaid being 12, my FI’s sister.