Post # 1
Have any of your "friends" provided you with unsolicited and rude comments about your wedding choices?
I’ve gone to countless bridal stores and tried on countless dresses, and I’ve found a few that I like. The problem is that some "friends" (not really close friends, which is the problem) to whom I’ve showed pictures of possible contender dresses, and me in them, have been a little less than tactful in giving me their opinions. The first thing out of one "friend’s" mouth was that she "hated my choice" and it made me look "fat and disgusting." I’m not skinny, but I don’t think I’m overweight (I wear a size 2 in clothing). My other "friend" criticized my save the date card, insisting that our color choices were wrong, our wording was wrong and that we should have formatted it differently. Mind you, I didn’t ask this friend’s opinion.
Part of me wonders if there are other issues at play. One issue I can think of is that our wedding will be a higher-end wedding due to the generosity of my parents, and our own income, so I’m not really that concerned about costs, whereas my "friends" think it’s absolutely ridiculous we are spending "so much" on our wedding. I’m not really sure what it is, but I’m beginning to lose my patience and can’t think of non-confrontational, non-petty ways to respond to such comments.
Post # 3
Don’t show anyone any pictures or talk about ideas, I like to think of it as a "surprise." you’re always going to get unwarranted opinions, so just don’t even create the opportunity. I don’t share anything with anyone, except my fiance and my mom, sometimes! But if I like something and so does my fiance, that’s really all that matters. Bottom line, ignore everyone and everything and you’ll be just fine. If you really want some opinions, go to your BM’s and people you love a lot and trust… and that’s it!! Good luck!
Post # 4
Those comments are rude. Ignore them and planning the wedding that you and your fiance want. There’s not a good way to respond; the best thing to do is avoid such comments by not discussing the wedding around the people who make them.
Post # 5
That is pure rudeness right there! I suggest that you especially keep these friends out of the wedding planning loop because it seems like they are just trying to bring you down. Remember that this day is about you and your Fiance and if these "friends" don’t like it, that is their problem.
Post # 6
There are always some people who are going to be like that. Luckily, my friends were mostly supportive, but I did have a few who were really odd. (One girlfriend, whose current boyfriend won’t let her tell anyone they are dating (!!) told me my engagement ring was a vulgar display of wealth and she would never have anything like it. I bet you won’t honey, since he won’t even introduce you to his friends.) I think you probably understand the problem exactly – for people who are unhappy because they think you have something better than they do, sometimes their instinct is to cut down your situation, in order to make themselves feel better. It’s not a mature reaction, or one that your real friends should have.
Really, the best advice (as has already been said) is just don’t talk about your planning to these girls anymore. Anyone who is really happy for you will be supportive, not derogatory, even if they wouldn’t have made the same choices. I have one friend who got married two weeks before me – and our weddings were soooo different. She just has very different taste and priorities, and also had a completely different budget. Still, we had fun sharing our ideas and experiences – and just because I would never wear the dress she picked doesn’t mean that I can’t be excited when she found the right one for her, and find something pleasant to say about it! It’s fun to share your planning, but find some more supportive people to share it with.
Post # 7
Awww! I am sorry you have to hear this. Obviously, if you are a size 2 you are not even close to overweight; I would say these issues reflect some insecurities on the part of their messengers. As others said, it might be best to let these lovely ladies be "surprised" by your choices at the wedding. What a great idea and a non-confrontational, non-petty way to not involve them. Nice idea, LeahB:)
Post # 8
A real friend would support your choices and celebrate your decisions, even if those are not their own taste. Someone who tells you that you look fat and disgusting (regardless of whether you are a size 2 or a size 20) is not a friend – she’s another word that if I wrote would probably get my post erased ; )
If you ask friends for their opinion, such opinions should be given in a constructive manner, like "I’m not sure that style of dress is the most flattering on you. Maybe this other style would work better with your body shape." Or "Perhaps if you tried formatting your cards this way, you would have more room to add this design in another complimentary color."
Do the things you want your way. Listen to the tips of the real experts, not frenemies who are trying to derail you because of their envy and insecurity.
Post # 9
who cares what they think! it’s YOUR fab day and do what ya want! don’t mind them, i bet they’re just jealous!
i’m not sharing any details of my wedding with anyone. i tell my FH, DON"T TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY DIYs!!
Post # 10
i think you’re learning the "lesson" here. the less you share with others, the less comments you get negative or otherwise.
it might be better for you to select just 1 or 2 people to share the things you are excited about. people that get your sense of style or at least are supportive. this way you’ll have an outlet to share things but you wont be opening yourself up to the parade rainers.
let the wedding be a "surprise" as mentioned above. you may find this whole planning process more peaceful that way.
Post # 11
Hi there – thank you so much for all of your empathetic words. I agree – I will not share with others except for my mother and my trusted best friend. I’m really disheartened by the negativity.
Post # 12
Are they normally this rude? If not, it may just be jealousy. I agree to stay away from their opinions! You can always get some opinions on the hive, and most of us are about to get married, so we know how to be sensitive. Otherwise, just do what you & your FH want!
Post # 13
WOW! You’re a size 2 and they’re calling you fat????? Girl, drop that b*tch like a hot potato!!!! With a size 2 I would most likely try to feed you more!
Those are not friends don’t call them friends or any word related to friends. Those girls are jealous b*tches. Unless your whole family is going into debt for this wedding their concerns about how much you spend and what your choices are mean NOTHING!
If you love it and can afford it…THAT is all that matters.
Post # 14
I’m going to assume you dont look fat or disgusting, just maybe you need to look elsewhere for advice! Under what circumstance would you ever say that to anyone? The problem is all her and not you. I would have been tempted to answer her with something like.."Really? Fat and Disgusting? Just the look I was going for"
I do want to share a money issue with you–a friend of mine recently married someone with a large disposable income-he wanted to pay for their wedding-SHE on the other hand (had enough coming from her parents) and said My father has been waiting his whole life to pay for my wedding-I couldnt possibly take that away from him! I found it so touching, it brought tears to my eyes!