(Closed) Too soon?

posted 11 months ago in Waiting
Post # 46
257 posts
Helper bee

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@hopelesslyromantic:  I really hate seeing these guys on here that have women purchase homes and even have kids all while hanging the possibility of getting married over their heads. In my view, if it’s too soon or you don’t want to get married just yet, that’s fine. I mean, under 2 years isn’t super long. But. Why was he willing to entangle himself with you financially if he is saying “IF we’re together”? Do not have kids with this man or get any pets until you have a commitment in the form of a wedding band. I’d go so far as to protect myself legally from the house issue in the likely scenario you break up. You have to ask yourself… why was buying a house together completely fine but discussing marriage not? Was he using you financially for the extra income and savings? I’d really harp on why he was ready for that and not marriage. On an anecdotal note, My husband and I got engaged after 1 year together because we were sure. Married 1.5 years after that. It’ll be 4 years together in December and married 1 in September. Oh and he and I met when we were 23. Men who want to get married don’t feel pressured.

Post # 47
8 posts

Having read the majority of the comments, don’t know if someone mentioned it, first of all being able to buy a house at 24, congrats!

To the topic now; so he is not “there” yet to propose but he is “there” to bying a house with you? Sounds like convenience to me.

Also, basically OP you willingly extended the timeline to 4 years? Nice.. (not).

Generally, my perspective is that if you have to talk things so much and put timelines etc etc, in my humble opinion, something is off. Things should be simpler aka. I want, do you want? end of story.

All the replies like “yes maybe.. most likely.. blah blah” is simply sugaring to keep you around.

Post # 48
634 posts
Busy bee

He might not want to get married, and that’s fine.

Now you need to decide if you’re ok with a life partner and no marriage aspect. And how you feel about kids / no kids without being married.

Also, most men who date women 10 years younger than themselves are actively looking for less responsibility and pressure. Keep that in mind.

Post # 49
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Not to beat a dead horse here, but for me, reading your original post and response, it is clear you don’t have the same values.  Why wouldn’t you want to be with someone who values marriage and children the same way you do? If he doesn’t value marriage, will he fight to keep your marriage going when you hit rough times?  I personally think that you have to be absolutely ok with him never being ready for marriage, or you won’t be completely happy.  If you can’t say that, then you deserve to find someone who (as others have said) will be all in.  



Post # 50
3 posts

I’m older here and was older when I met my husband but I think that anyone should be in agreement up front almost from day one at where they both see any relationship headed. I think I was lucky in meeting my husband as a person living in another country in one regard; we both had to be sure to be on the same page from day one. I mean it was an early discussion and had to be serious. I can honestly say that I could never be in a relationship to begin with where I couldn’t discuss early on what is expected from the relationship.

I know you think you can put this aside for the next year or so but it sounds to me like you have the expectation to be engaged after being in a two year relationship; and you have every right to have that expectation. I met my husband when he was 32, he was in it for marriage. Hopefully to me but certainly knew it’s what he was wanting and not wanting to just find someone without that comittment. I think at that age, this man really should be to that point and if he isn’t, especially after the comittment you both already have in living together, then it probably won’t happen. 


What you have the option of now is rethinking how you want to live and losing the vision of marriage period. It may happen but the probability is smaller on that end. You either love someone and put them as important enough to match your expectations to some degree with them or you don’t. It just feels to me like this is too important to you to be able to let go and leave to his decision. 


Post # 51
30 posts

If after two years of dating, and a year of living together my partner was saying “IF” we stay together then “MAYBE” we will get married, I would be out of there so quick. Also if eh dragging his feet this much on getting married, how will he react when it comes time to have kids? I would end in NOW bee. Im so sorry but he is not going to marry you. And you deserve to be with someone who cant wait to marry you!! Not someone that needs up to 7 years to decide if they even want to be with you!

Post # 52
199 posts
Blushing bee

I’m sorry op this is just my two cents but if after purchasing a home together and being in a serious committed relationship for almost two years and he’s still saying things like if and maybe about your future I would be very concerned. At that point you know each other well enough to know if you want a future with them, especially if you’ve made the conscious decision to buy a home together! It sounds to me like he’s comfortable the way your life is now and he might not want anymore. You need to decide if that’s a life you’ll be happy living. 

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