(Closed) Too soon after the wedding to try to mend friendship with bride?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Too soon to try and sit down with bride?
    It's too soon, wait a while. : (2 votes)
    5 %
    No, it's time to get this out in the open. : (38 votes)
    93 %
    Yes, you should just avoid this conversation at all costs. : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    3051 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    You’re a better person than me. If my best friend did that I would have told her she was being a bitch & I wasn’t going to be a part of her wedding if it was more important than our friendship. I think if you want to fix the friendship (which it seems you do) than talk to her as calmly as possible with plenty of examples in your back pocket in case she gets defensive and says “I never did that!”…she SHOULD feel bad about her behaviour, it was UNACCEPTABLE. If she doesn’t apologize, I think you need to let this friendship go.

    Post # 18
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    If I were you I would tell her exactly what you have written here. OR show her the thread see how she reacts… if she says thats awful and cant believe someone would do that then you know its not intentional and explain its your post and you want to make things right, if she sees whats coming you know she is fully aware and that shes been bang out of order… best off out of it.. hope all goes well

    Post # 19
    Member
    7199 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Listen, I’ve been there. Sometimes when you’re the nice one and you’re trying to accomodate your friend, you get taken advantage of. Some people see you bending over backwards so often that they just expect it from you. You let her and her mom walk all over you because you are nice and wanted to keep everyone happy. You don’t have to do that anymore. She treated you REALLY badly. These were not the actions of a good friend. You should try to talk to her about it, but unless you get a real apology and she at least attempts to get her mother to apologize, cut this woman loose. You are too good a friend to have bad friends in your life. Be friends with people who deserve you.

    And then think about counseling. I say this only because I broke off a decade long friendship with a toxic friend and it was worse than any romantic breakup I’ve ever had. I had to deal with those emotions and figure out why I let someone use me like that for so long. We’re all on the look out for bad men… but there are bad women out there, too, and we don’t deserve their emotional abuse either!

    Post # 20
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I just read tHis. Any updates, OP?

    Post # 21
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @ExcitedHooper:  I think you have license to say whatever you want to her after that. What a HORRIBLE friend. She treated you terribly. I can’t believe she didn’t support you through your accident, rehabilitation, and your mother’s illness. I’m planning a wedding right now and I still have plenty of time to support my friends who are helping me with the wedding. Shame on her for being so self-absorbed. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee

    Thank you for this post. I just had a very similar situation with a bride whose mom, dad AND mother-in-law were constantly harassing me and being so mean and abusive towards me about the shower, bachelorette and wedding. Constantly questioning how much I was spending. well since there was only one other bm that was a friend, the others were his sisters, I was expected to throw everything myself (it should have been a clue that she has no other friends). But I kept all of this drama and issues from her to keep her from stressing. Then the weekend of the (destination) wedding she was rude and left me alone the entire first day and when I told her that hurt my feelings she lost it. Now it’s been a few weeks and despite my apologizing excessively (to keep peace at wedding) but she’s still accusing me of being a horrible friend and never admitting that maybe she owes me an apology. All totaled up I spent over $4000 on this wedding and she KNEW I couldn’t afford it. I’m in debt because of this and yet, I’m a horrible friend. And she had initially said my gift would be paying for my hotel. She didn’t and never gave an actual gift. Weddings ruin friendships and I dont know what to do. 

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