(Closed) Too soon to plan? How to approach shower hostess?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9551 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

First, I never do this kind of stuff through facebook. It’s too impersonal and it’s alwasy way to easy to take things the wrong way.

Second, I would simply let people know that you are planning to host a shower and see what they say. You could ask if they want to be involved. But I wouldn’t ask if they are planning to host because that puts them in an awkard situation if the answer is no.

Post # 4
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Welcome to the Hive! I am glad you found us!

I don’t think your approach is wrong, I would however take @JenGirl:‘s advise and just throw it out there over the phone or in person saying that you are planning on hosting. They will come forward with “oh that’s great, I will help with anything you need” or “Aunt so and so, and I were planning on throwing a shower, but would LOVE your help” 

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
4676 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think what you said sounds great.  You aren’t putting them in the situation of hosting, but aren’t stepping on any toes.  

Post # 6
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First and foremost… Welcome to “the Hive”

It will prove out to be a great spot to learn all about Weddings and hone your skills as a Maid/Matron of Honor (I think you’ll be awesome… the Bride has chosen well)

September sounds like a great time to have a Bridal Shower…

And altho I do hear your concerns (and I may come back to comment some more on them / this topic again in the future)

I have to say that I think that with 8 months into the future… it is too early to be talking Bridal Shower

It is something I’d broach only come Spring / Early Summer (May or June)

For now, I think it would be most appropriate if you sent them a quick facebook / email note saying how happy you are to have been chosen as the Maid/Matron of Honor… and that you look forward to the Wedding and working alongside both of these lovely ladies.

Very gracious… and kind.  Will open up the lines of future communications and getting along thru the whole process in the months to come.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 7
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with the first poster. Sometimes there can be more than one shower, also. If you want to host a shower for her close friends, then you should just do that. The Future Mother-In-Law or MOB might want to host a shower for their family friends or something. Just plan to host one yourself, and ask if they want to be involved, but asking them if they are planning on hosting one might 1) seem like your trying to horn in on a shower they are having for family or something, or 2) put them in an awkward position if they weren’t planning on hosting a shower at all.

I also agree about Facebook. Maybe you should send them an email or call them. I’m not sure why I feel like there’s a difference between email and facebook, but for some reason I feel like there is.

ETA: the Facebook comment was in regard to sending the MOB and Future Mother-In-Law a message about the shower. If you want to send all the BMs a facebook message just introducing yourself, I think that would be fine

Post # 8
Member
9205 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@Daisy726:  I actually think the way you suggested that fb message is perfect.  

First off, I don’t think it’s rude to ask through fb if that’s the only way you presently have communication with the moms.  

Secondly, it’s true that sometimes bridal showers are thrown by family, so I think the way you phrased it makes it clear that you’re enthusiastic and would love to do it, but you’re leaving them room to do it if they want to.  

Maybe add a sentence saying that you would love to host the event, but you’re also super excited to just help them in whatever way you can if they’d like to.  (Instead of the “I would be happy hosting or helping in any way possible if you were planning on hosting your own event” phrase.)

Post # 10
Member
9551 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think that all sounds great!!!!

Post # 11
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Daisy726:  Sounds great !!

As others have said, one shower is sort of the norm… but having more than one is also not uncommon… in that in some cases the Bride has a lot of friends / relatives.

So in the end, maybe you could host one for her peer group … and a relative might host one for her family members.

In both cases tho there is sometimes some overlap… in that the Bridal Party (MOH and BMs) as well as the MOB and/or MOG are usually invited to both.

Just realize that altho bringing a gift is the norm for a shower, if you are invited / involved with more than one, it can be just as ok for a group gift to be done from the Bridal Party (ie one shower you buy her an individual gift… at the other, you and the girls go in on something as a group… so it costs less per person than a seperate present each).  Also, bear in mind, that your “gift” could just as easily be the shower itself if you are the Host (folks understand that the host will incur costs). 

Likewise when it comes to a Wedding Present, as a member of the Bridal Party you have similar options… buy the couple a gift on your own, or pool resources with the rest of the Bridal Party and get them something more substantial.

Hope this helps,

 

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