Post # 1
This is my first post on Wedding Bee. I was recently asked to be the Maid of Honor at my best friend’s wedding and I’m super excited! She just finished asking the rest of her bridesmaids to be in the wedding this week and now I want to get things kicked off by sending a quick e-mail to all of the girls introducing myself and asking for their contact information. The wedding is in 8 months so I don’t want to push them to start planning just yet but I wanted to at least get the introductions out of the way for when the planning starts.
One question I have… because I do tend to plan things way in advance and am trying to avoid “MOH-zilla” status…. is in regards to the wedding shower. Who hosts this? I’ve read that either I can host it along with the BM’s or by myself or sometimes the Future Mother-In-Law or MOB will host. Fortunately I know both the Future Mother-In-Law and MOB pretty well so I feel comfortable contacting them with questions…. but how would you suggest I approach this issue? I just want to find out if they are planning on hosting anything or not but don’t want to come off as if I’m asking them to host or trying to step on their toes. Also, is it too soon to be asking about this? I figured we could have her shower in September, bachelorette party in late October and then the wedding is scheduled for the second Saturday in November.
I was thinking about sending both of the Mom’s a joint message on Facebook (they are both my FB friends) and saying something like …
“Hi S and D!! I’m so excited to be the Maid/Matron of Honor at N & C’s wedding! I know this is a few months early but I was wondering if either of you were planning on hosting a shower with your family or if you would like me to take the reins? I would be happy hosting or helping in any way possible if you were planning on hosting your own event. Let me know what your thoughts are! Hope you’re both having a good day.”
What do you guys think?
Post # 3
First, I never do this kind of stuff through facebook. It’s too impersonal and it’s alwasy way to easy to take things the wrong way.
Second, I would simply let people know that you are planning to host a shower and see what they say. You could ask if they want to be involved. But I wouldn’t ask if they are planning to host because that puts them in an awkard situation if the answer is no.
Post # 4
Welcome to the Hive! I am glad you found us!
I don’t think your approach is wrong, I would however take @JenGirl:‘s advise and just throw it out there over the phone or in person saying that you are planning on hosting. They will come forward with “oh that’s great, I will help with anything you need” or “Aunt so and so, and I were planning on throwing a shower, but would LOVE your help”
Post # 5
I think what you said sounds great. You aren’t putting them in the situation of hosting, but aren’t stepping on any toes.
Post # 6
First and foremost… Welcome to “the Hive”
It will prove out to be a great spot to learn all about Weddings and hone your skills as a Maid/Matron of Honor (I think you’ll be awesome… the Bride has chosen well)
September sounds like a great time to have a Bridal Shower…
And altho I do hear your concerns (and I may come back to comment some more on them / this topic again in the future)
I have to say that I think that with 8 months into the future… it is too early to be talking Bridal Shower
It is something I’d broach only come Spring / Early Summer (May or June)
For now, I think it would be most appropriate if you sent them a quick facebook / email note saying how happy you are to have been chosen as the Maid/Matron of Honor… and that you look forward to the Wedding and working alongside both of these lovely ladies.
Very gracious… and kind. Will open up the lines of future communications and getting along thru the whole process in the months to come.
Hope this helps,
Post # 7
I agree with the first poster. Sometimes there can be more than one shower, also. If you want to host a shower for her close friends, then you should just do that. The Future Mother-In-Law or MOB might want to host a shower for their family friends or something. Just plan to host one yourself, and ask if they want to be involved, but asking them if they are planning on hosting one might 1) seem like your trying to horn in on a shower they are having for family or something, or 2) put them in an awkward position if they weren’t planning on hosting a shower at all.
I also agree about Facebook. Maybe you should send them an email or call them. I’m not sure why I feel like there’s a difference between email and facebook, but for some reason I feel like there is.
ETA: the Facebook comment was in regard to sending the MOB and Future Mother-In-Law a message about the shower. If you want to send all the BMs a facebook message just introducing yourself, I think that would be fine
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@Daisy726: I actually think the way you suggested that fb message is perfect.
First off, I don’t think it’s rude to ask through fb if that’s the only way you presently have communication with the moms.
Secondly, it’s true that sometimes bridal showers are thrown by family, so I think the way you phrased it makes it clear that you’re enthusiastic and would love to do it, but you’re leaving them room to do it if they want to.
Maybe add a sentence saying that you would love to host the event, but you’re also super excited to just help them in whatever way you can if they’d like to. (Instead of the “I would be happy hosting or helping in any way possible if you were planning on hosting your own event” phrase.)
Post # 9
Wow! Thank you all so much for your responses. I think I’m going to use bits and pieces from all of the advice you gave…..
I’m going forward with the FB message to the BM’s. Actually I think I’m going to set up a private group for the six of us so we can communicate amongst each other over the next few months. A little side note, I am in Chicago with one other bridesmaid but the others are either 2+ hours away in Illinois, one is in Kentucky and the other lives in Boston so we are spread all over.
I’ll go ahead and plan on hosting a shower and will call the Mom’s sometime around April to fill them in on my plans…. if they offer to help, I’ll graciously accept and if they mention hosting their own shower I’ll offer my assistance. In the meantime I will send them a quick FB message just telling them I’m looking forward to future planning & celebrating with them. I’m going to see the MOB in a couple of weeks when we go wedding dress shopping so if we get a quick minute alone I may just mention that I am going to host a shower.
I think when I set up the group for the BM’s on FB asking for their contact info. I’ll quickly mentioned how excited I am to start planning and that I will host the shower but would love their help with the bachelorette party and tell them to start thinking about ideas for future planning…. not pushing to plan anytime soon but to set the seed of my wishes for their involvement.
How does that sound to you girls? Thanks again for your help, I think I’m going to LOVE this website 🙂
Post # 10
I think that all sounds great!!!!
Post # 11
@Daisy726: Sounds great !!
As others have said, one shower is sort of the norm… but having more than one is also not uncommon… in that in some cases the Bride has a lot of friends / relatives.
So in the end, maybe you could host one for her peer group … and a relative might host one for her family members.
In both cases tho there is sometimes some overlap… in that the Bridal Party (MOH and BMs) as well as the MOB and/or MOG are usually invited to both.
Just realize that altho bringing a gift is the norm for a shower, if you are invited / involved with more than one, it can be just as ok for a group gift to be done from the Bridal Party (ie one shower you buy her an individual gift… at the other, you and the girls go in on something as a group… so it costs less per person than a seperate present each). Also, bear in mind, that your “gift” could just as easily be the shower itself if you are the Host (folks understand that the host will incur costs).
Likewise when it comes to a Wedding Present, as a member of the Bridal Party you have similar options… buy the couple a gift on your own, or pool resources with the rest of the Bridal Party and get them something more substantial.
Hope this helps,