(Closed) Too Young For Marriage

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Be firm with no explanations. “I’m getting married June 2012” That’s it. Don’t argue or defend yourself, it only makes them feel like they have a chance at convincing you otherwise. If it’s what you want stand tall and if they truly love you and support you they will show.

Post # 5
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You cant really change peoples ideas and perceptions, you can only ignore them and go forward with your plans. In my area anyone getting married under 24 is considered young, but that never stopped the 18-23 yr olds from getting married. People will eventually get used to the idea that you are getting married and hopefully stop talkin about the age thing.

Post # 6
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@mwitter80: <– What she said.

It doesn’t actually matter if they think you’re old enough. We’ll be really similar in age on our wedding days and while I haven’t had family say anything about it, I can imagine it’s really hurtful. Stand your ground. It’s not a conversation, it’s an exchange of information. We ARE getting married in June as opposed to “Well, we are thinking about getting married in June” or something to that effect come of VERY differently.

Post # 7
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m sure that your family knows you well enough that you can always bring up your “track” record of making mature decisions. I’m 25 but Darling Husband just turned 21 so we got a little bit of that from his family.

He just talked to them about it let them know that this wasn’t a whim decision that was made and that they needed to trust him on it.

I would also suggest pre-marital counseling (as I think EVERYONE should do it). Darling Husband and I used the book Preparing for Marriage.

Letting your family understand that this is a well thought desire and that you plan on doing everything you can to make a successful foundation will definitely help. I’d also explain how your Fiance helps and supports you and how really to make it to all you want to have in your education & career & life you need him!

They should be understanding and see that in the delivery and attitude surrounding the conversation that you can be trusted.

If they haven’t met your Fiance that may help too hehe

Post # 9
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry but I’m 19 and I’ll be 20 on my wedding day

Post # 10
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Youngin’s will ALWAYS get this flack… and there’s an extremely good reason for it. The reason is statistics sorry, I know you don’t want to hear it but statistics are your chances of making it. Divorce drastically decreases with age on wedding day.

That said, everyone makes their choices, good and bad. This is yours. Say nothing. You send out your invites STD’s without explanation. Period.

Post # 11
Member
14658 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Agree with PP.  You don’t owe anyone an explaination.  If you feel you can make this decision then its yours to make and just march forward.  But I agree with vmec, youngins will always get the you’re too young book tossed at them… cause… statistics just arent on your side.  All those people who got married young, I’m sure they thought they knew it was the *right* decision too.  Not to say theres no chance it will last.. most people I know have been together since high school (though they dated 10 years and marreed at 26-30).

Edit (please dont take offense to any of this – but this was my view): I remeber when a coworker was getting married and his Fiance was i think 21 or 22 at the time and i definitely thought, OMG she is SO young!  She just graduated college and was getting married a month later.  I thought she (and anyone getting married right out of college) probably didnt really have enough life experience yet, especially if she was still living at home while going to college.  I mean, school is far from real life.  I thought, how could someone who hasnt even really “lived real life” be getting married?!   5 or 6 years later the are still happy as can be and have a baby boy now.  So I know it can work, but… I will still have the same thoughts when I hear someone getting married young.

Post # 12
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have to slightly disagree with some of the pp b/c I’m not one to just screw off family. Family stands where they do b/c they care about you…. not like other outsiders that just give the “IMO” b/c they feel the need.

I would still make effort to talk to your family before just sending out the Save the Dates.

I’m definitely not one to completely stray from confrontation BUT there is still something to be said to try and keep peace with the ones you love and that care about you. Which I think in this case would be by talking it out with them.

Just sending them the Save the Dates without EVER talking to them could/would definitely be seen as a slap in the face and is liking to REALLY hurt some of them… <— this is more likely to result in someone not coming than them just not agreeing with you.

Like I said in my pp I would try and talk to them… definitley not all together, and not with you Fiance. Have a heart to heart FIRST and then see where it goes from there.

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