Post # 1
My boyfriend and I met at 18 just before we started university.
We’ve been living together since we were 19.
I’ve been talking about marriage since we were around 22, and he’s always said that we will get married.
Now we are both 24, so we’ve been together for 6 years.
When I asked him about future plans, for the first time he actually had a discussion with me and said marriage was something he wanted as well. I said that we’re in our mid 20s now so should consider an engagement and he agreed.
He discussed this with his family who advised him that we were too young and that he should wait longer. He said that we could still get engaged soon if that made me happy, which annoyed me and I said fine, no hurry.
Now I’m regretting saying this because I do want to get married soon and don’t want to wait for a long time.
Should I bring it to with him again? He said he’d love to elope somewhere while we were watching a TV show yesterday (somebody was getting married in the show). Now I don’t know if he said this because I was annoyed or he actually wants this.
Is 24 too young? Should I discuss this again and ask him about his elopement comment?
Post # 2
You’ve been living together since 19, but is that in one of your parents’ home? To me if the couple can financially support themselves, it’s not too young.
Post # 3
I’d say 24 is not too young, but if he is seeking outside opinions from his family and taking that to heart, it doesn’t sound like he is ready for marriage.
Post # 4
Every person and relationship is different.
There is no one magical age, i think it depends a lot on maturity and stability.
Was i thinking marriage at 24? Absolutely. Did i feel ready? Absolutely. Was i actually ready? Emotionally, yes. Financially, no.
You guys have been together for 6 years, that is fairly long. You guys are living together, as well. While 24 is young, I think you have to think about if you guys are stable (dont fight often, breaking up and making up etc.) and if you are supporting yourselves on your own.
If so, it is your choice. While his parents can have their opinion, it shouldnt affect your decision. Do you BOTH feel ready?
Post # 5
What life stages are you two in, Bee? Is one of you still in school? Are you both financially independent?
If you’re at a good place and feel ready, then go for it! Unless his family is financially supporting him or has some other, odd say in the matter, then get engaged!
Post # 6
I was married at 23. I can’t imagine being together for 6 years and finding 24 too young to get married.
Post # 7
I was expecting you to be a teenager at first bee! We got engaged at 23 after dating for 2.5 years, married at 24. We didn’t feel too young in the slightest and not one person mentioned our ages. And DH was still a student during our entire engagement too. So no, I definitely don’t think you are too young just based on your ages.
Post # 8
No, we’ve rented a place together. Not his parents’ place.
We don’t fight much and have healthy and happy relationship. We both graduated a couple of years ago. That was when I first discussed marriage with him. We are both working now and financially we are fine. In fact, he’s doing very well in his job so that’s not a concern for him fortunately.
We are both working and graduated two years ago. His family does not support us financially. I don’t know how to bring it up again. I don’t know if he was serious about his elopement comment or not.
I asked him the other day if there’s something that is stopping him, and he said no, he was sure he wanted to build his future with me, so I’m quite frustrated at the moment.
Post # 9
Age is less important than maturity, combatibility, personal independence, and financial security and independence. Are you living on your own or with one if your parents? Are both of you in stable full-time jobs? Are either of you financially dependent on your parents for any of your bills still? Do you have significant debt and how are you planning to pay it off? Do you have savings? Have the two of you discussed life goals and are you compatible in values? Those are all things that matter way more than your chronological age or how long you have been together.
Post # 10
Yes, we are in stable jobs and don’t live with or off our parents. We’ve rented a place together.
We both have student loans that is taken off our salaries before it’s paid to us (that’s how the system works here).
We’ve started saving this year as well.
We want similar things in life and have discussed where we want to be in the long term, and yes, we are compatible.
Post # 11
He said that we could still get engaged soon if that made me happy, which annoyed me and I said fine, no hurry
Why did this annoy you? Why did you say something you don’t feel? Why are you now frustrated?
I guess I’m not sure what the issue is. His family said you guys were too young, it doesnt sound like he agrees, you don’t. He mentioned eloping. It sounds like you need to have another conversation. I wouldn’t use his comment as the jumping off point, but something like “hey, I wanted to talk to you about what your family said about us being too young. I know I said no rush, but I’m starting to re-think that. I dont think we are too young, we’ve been together for 6 years, live together, and are building our life together. How do you feel? I’d rather not delay this because of what someone else thinks if we are on the same page.”
Post # 12
Well, then have another discussion. And this time stop playing “the cool girl” who says things she doesn’t mean to appease others and stop playing passive aggressive games saying things you don’t mean because you’re “annoyed”. Poor communication is going to be the death of your relationship eventually if you don’t knock that off. It’s just going to build resentment.
Post # 13
Well you guys sound you like two young responsible adults, I’d say go for it.
It sounds like his parents opinion may have a little weight with him? I would bring it up and let him know that you feel ready and ask what his concerns are. Discuss if you guys would like to have a long engagement or a short one and go from there to figure out a rough timeline
Post # 14
Sorry, I didn’t explain that too well.
I think I was annoyed because he said that we could do it if it made me happy. Well, I want him to look forward to it, too. It shouldn’t be something that he’s doing just to shut me up or because it’s something that I really want.
I also don’t understand why he felt the need to discuss it with his family at all.
I’m frustrated because by reacting the way I did, I shut down all communication that we’ve had so far about the topic. Now I want to bring it up again.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!
I felt too young at 23 and together for 6 years, but we weren’t financially independent and didn’t live together. In their case, their experiences make it okay (as long as they’re independent).