Too young to get engaged? Been together 6 years

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

You’ve been living together since 19, but is that in one of your parents’ home? To me if the couple can financially support themselves, it’s not too young.

Post # 3
Member
2175 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’d say 24 is not too young, but if he is seeking outside opinions from his family and taking that to heart, it doesn’t sound like he is ready for marriage. 

Post # 4
Member
3083 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
chocco :  Every person and relationship is different.

There is no one magical age, i think it depends a lot on maturity and stability. 

Was i thinking marriage at 24? Absolutely. Did i feel ready? Absolutely. Was i actually ready? Emotionally, yes. Financially, no. 

You guys have been together for 6 years, that is fairly long. You guys are living together, as well. While 24 is young, I think you have to think about if you guys are stable (dont fight often, breaking up and making up etc.) and if you are supporting yourselves on your own. 

If so, it is your choice. While his parents can have their opinion, it shouldnt affect your decision. Do you BOTH feel ready? 

Post # 5
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

What life stages are you two in, Bee? Is one of you still in school? Are you both financially independent? 

If you’re at a good place and feel ready, then go for it! Unless his family is financially supporting him or has some other, odd say in the matter, then get engaged! 

Post # 6
Member
1196 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

I was married at 23.  I can’t imagine being together for 6 years and finding 24 too young to get married. 

Post # 7
Member
3480 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I was expecting you to be a teenager at first bee! We got engaged at 23 after dating for 2.5 years, married at 24. We didn’t feel too young in the slightest and not one person mentioned our ages. And DH was still a student during our entire engagement too. So no, I definitely don’t think you are too young just based on your ages.

Post # 9
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee

Age is less important than maturity, combatibility, personal independence, and financial security and independence.  Are you living on your own or with one if your parents?  Are both of you in stable full-time jobs?  Are either of you financially dependent on your parents for any of your bills still?  Do you have significant debt and how are you planning to pay it off?  Do you have savings?  Have the two of you discussed life goals and are you compatible in values?  Those are all things that matter way more than your chronological age or how long you have been together.  

Post # 11
Member
8097 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

He said that we could still get engaged soon if that made me happy, which annoyed me and I said fine, no hurry

Why did this annoy you? Why did you say something you don’t feel? Why are you now frustrated? 

I guess I’m not sure what the issue is. His family said you guys were too young, it doesnt sound like he agrees, you don’t. He mentioned eloping. It sounds like you need to have another conversation. I wouldn’t use his comment as the jumping off point, but something like “hey, I wanted to talk to you about what your family said about us being too young. I know I said no rush, but I’m starting to re-think that. I dont think we are too young, we’ve been together for 6 years, live together, and are building our life together. How do you feel? I’d rather not delay this because of what someone else thinks if we are on the same page.” 

Post # 12
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee

Well, then have another discussion.  And this time stop playing “the cool girl” who says things she doesn’t mean to appease others and stop playing passive aggressive games saying things you don’t mean because you’re “annoyed”.  Poor communication is going to be the death of your relationship eventually if you don’t knock that off.  It’s just going to build resentment.

Post # 13
Member
3083 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
chocco :  Well you guys sound you like two young responsible adults, I’d say go for it.

It sounds like his parents opinion may have a little weight with him? I would bring it up and let him know that you feel ready and ask what his concerns are. Discuss if you guys would like to have a long engagement or a short one and go from there to figure out a rough timeline 

Post # 15
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

View original reply
PaperQueen :  I felt too young at 23 and together for 6 years, but we weren’t financially independent and didn’t live together. In their case, their experiences make it okay (as long as they’re independent). 

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