Too young to get engaged? Been together 6 years

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
2162 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I think that “too young” is subjective. My personal thoughts are that yes, I do think 24 is very young. Different families have different norms. In my family, marriage in your twenties isn’t really viewed in a positive light. Maybe his feels the same way? 

In any case, talk to him and try to figure out where the two of you stand. He’s not a mind reader, nor are you.

Post # 19
Member
8097 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Bee, you can’t blame HIM for what YOU said. You shouldn’t resent him for your communication issues. It’s also pretty common for people to discuss their plans of proposal/marriage with their family. If they were jumping for joy would you still be upset that he chatted with them about it?

At this point it sounds like you want to continue the conversation. SO DO IT. I still like my wording in my last post. I think this is a good lesson for you though. You were unhappy, said something you didnt mean, and now regret it. In the future, say what you mean. You would appreciate him being honest with you I’m sure, he deserves the same! First step is awareness, which you already have. Good luck! 

Post # 20
Member
3804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I had the exact same timeline. Started going out at 18, engaged at 24, married at 25. 

I understand why the ‘if it makes you happy’ comment bothered you. You want it to be something he wants as well. 

You should talk to him. Don’t be angry or accusatory. Maybe say ‘hey, I wanted to talk again about getting engaged. I felt like something changed after you talked to your parents. When you said we could still get engaged if it made me happy I got a little upset because I want it to be something that makes you happy too. Can I check in with how you feel about it?”

Maybe you’ll find out that he’s perfectly happy either way. Sometimes that’s just how it’s going to be. When my husband proposed I was happy and knew 100% I wanted to say yes, but if he had waited a bit longer I was fine with that too. Like I knew I would marry him at some point, but I wasn’t particularly concerned about it happening right away. So if your boyfriend has an attitude like that it doesn’t necessarily mean he wouldn’t be happy proposing. 

Post # 22
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

If you can straighten this out and let him know that you would like to get engaged soon but his phrasing bothered you and made you feel like it was something he was doing for you rather than with you as an eually excited partner, then I think you’re probably ready to get married. If you can’t, I don’t think you’re quite there yet. Also, you could bring up that you want a few years to enjoy your marriage before bringing kids into the equation. But definitely talk to him.

Post # 23
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

I don’t think that is too young at all. You’ve been together for quite a long time. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years now and I’m 24. So I understand why he’d ask for family opinions, but as far as being too young I don’t think so at all. You both sound like you are mature enough to make that decision regardless of age. 

Post # 24
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

my husband is a year older than me and we dated 5 years before decided to marry. we didnt live togther thoough so that was an upside. my dad was cool with it so it didnt matter (although he did have the blessing) from his family. maybe a long engagment?

Post # 25
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

keep that up and you’re going to sabotage your relationship, let alone a marriage. You just described two different scenarios where he brought up eloping and you either said something you didn’t mean or you shut down the conversation.

Dont resent the guy because you aren’t communicating. That’s on you.

Youve received good advice here. Talk to him and stop assuming what he means next time. He’s not going to wilt like a fragile flower because you brought up something you both want.

If you seriously feel like you can’t talk to him about this, then you’re not ready to get married 

View original reply
chocco :  

Post # 27
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
chocco : Sounds like you’re on the right track financially, and personally, I don’t think you’re too young. Marriage seems like the next natural step. I’m curious about his suggesting elopement, though. Does he want to elope because his parents are likely to try and talk him out of marriage again? I believe he would demonstrate more maturity on his part by announcing his decision to marry you, and let family know that while he appreciates their concern, he’s absolutely certain about his decision, and is not looking for opinions on the matter. 

Post # 29
Member
5197 posts
Bee Keeper

24 is not too young. I was that age when I married. Some people don’t consider themselves old enough/adult until they’ve hit middle age. It seems to be a trend. Lifespans have not increased at the same rate unfortunately.

Post # 30
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

I was married and had a baby at 24. So no, I don’t think your too young. 

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