Post # 16
I think that “too young” is subjective. My personal thoughts are that yes, I do think 24 is very young. Different families have different norms. In my family, marriage in your twenties isn’t really viewed in a positive light. Maybe his feels the same way?
In any case, talk to him and try to figure out where the two of you stand. He’s not a mind reader, nor are you.
Post # 17
Yes, it’s true I have a problem with saying things like that and end up playing the “cool girl”. Then I keep thinking about it and now I’m trying not to let resentment build up.
Yes, I think that a major reason for why I feel this way is because he chose to discuss it with his family. Not just his parents, but his sister as well (she wasn’t the one who said he was too young though).
Post # 18
Everyone in his family married after 30. In fact, his parents married in their mid 30s and his elder sister is single.
I believe they said to him that he should consider marriage when he wants to have kids and they didn’t see why we wanted to go ahead with it soon.
We both agree that we don’t want children until we are 28-30, so if we go by his parents’ advice, we will not be getting married anytime soon.
Post # 19
Bee, you can’t blame HIM for what YOU said. You shouldn’t resent him for your communication issues. It’s also pretty common for people to discuss their plans of proposal/marriage with their family. If they were jumping for joy would you still be upset that he chatted with them about it?
At this point it sounds like you want to continue the conversation. SO DO IT. I still like my wording in my last post. I think this is a good lesson for you though. You were unhappy, said something you didnt mean, and now regret it. In the future, say what you mean. You would appreciate him being honest with you I’m sure, he deserves the same! First step is awareness, which you already have. Good luck!
Post # 20
I had the exact same timeline. Started going out at 18, engaged at 24, married at 25.
I understand why the ‘if it makes you happy’ comment bothered you. You want it to be something he wants as well.
You should talk to him. Don’t be angry or accusatory. Maybe say ‘hey, I wanted to talk again about getting engaged. I felt like something changed after you talked to your parents. When you said we could still get engaged if it made me happy I got a little upset because I want it to be something that makes you happy too. Can I check in with how you feel about it?”
Maybe you’ll find out that he’s perfectly happy either way. Sometimes that’s just how it’s going to be. When my husband proposed I was happy and knew 100% I wanted to say yes, but if he had waited a bit longer I was fine with that too. Like I knew I would marry him at some point, but I wasn’t particularly concerned about it happening right away. So if your boyfriend has an attitude like that it doesn’t necessarily mean he wouldn’t be happy proposing.
Post # 21
Yes, I feel quite foolish now, and I don’t want him to feel like I’m nagging him.
Especially after he commented on marriage yesterday, and I just ignored him.
We were watching a TV show in which a couple eloped and married on a beach, and he sort of smiled and said that it was more his thing and “maybe we could do something like that.” I assumed he was joking and didn’t comment.
Perhaps I’m just being oversensitive, but his comment about us getting engaged “if I want it” and him discussing it with his parents and sister has put me off from bringing it up again.
Post # 22
If you can straighten this out and let him know that you would like to get engaged soon but his phrasing bothered you and made you feel like it was something he was doing for you rather than with you as an eually excited partner, then I think you’re probably ready to get married. If you can’t, I don’t think you’re quite there yet. Also, you could bring up that you want a few years to enjoy your marriage before bringing kids into the equation. But definitely talk to him.
Post # 23
I don’t think that is too young at all. You’ve been together for quite a long time. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years now and I’m 24. So I understand why he’d ask for family opinions, but as far as being too young I don’t think so at all. You both sound like you are mature enough to make that decision regardless of age.
Post # 24
my husband is a year older than me and we dated 5 years before decided to marry. we didnt live togther thoough so that was an upside. my dad was cool with it so it didnt matter (although he did have the blessing) from his family. maybe a long engagment?
Post # 25
keep that up and you’re going to sabotage your relationship, let alone a marriage. You just described two different scenarios where he brought up eloping and you either said something you didn’t mean or you shut down the conversation.
Dont resent the guy because you aren’t communicating. That’s on you.
Youve received good advice here. Talk to him and stop assuming what he means next time. He’s not going to wilt like a fragile flower because you brought up something you both want.
If you seriously feel like you can’t talk to him about this, then you’re not ready to get married chocco :
Post # 26
Another thing that’s been playing on my mind is whether his parents have an issue with me? But I don’t see why they would, because they’ve always been very warm towards me and treat me like family. I really do hope that it wasn’t why they advised him to wait until later. He said that they feel we should marry when we’re planning to have a family, etc.
Post # 27
Sounds like you’re on the right track financially, and personally, I don’t think you’re too young. Marriage seems like the next natural step. I’m curious about his suggesting elopement, though. Does he want to elope because his parents are likely to try and talk him out of marriage again? I believe he would demonstrate more maturity on his part by announcing his decision to marry you, and let family know that while he appreciates their concern, he’s absolutely certain about his decision, and is not looking for opinions on the matter.
Post # 28
I’m not sure why he brought up elopement as we didn’t discuss it. I don’t even know if he was being serious. However, I think it’s the sort of wedding that would appeal to him the most, because the intimate, quiet setting on the beach (on TV, which he saw and said he liked) really does seem like his thing. That, or a small wedding, but that’s just a guess.
I don’t think it’s to avoid his parents or to keep them out of it. He sometimes does take their opinion on issues, but doesn’t always go by their advice.
Post # 29
24 is not too young. I was that age when I married. Some people don’t consider themselves old enough/adult until they’ve hit middle age. It seems to be a trend. Lifespans have not increased at the same rate unfortunately.
Post # 30
I was married and had a baby at 24. So no, I don’t think your too young.