Too young to get engaged? Been together 6 years

posted 8 months ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Statistics say that women who get married after the age of 24 are more likely to stay married.  I’d bring that out to his parents (the man’s age doesn’t seem to matter per the studies)

Post # 33
Member
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

chocco :  

 We both agree that we don’t want children until we are 28-30, so if we go by his parents’ advice, we will not be getting married anytime soon.

Well, I think it is time  you (he?) stopped asking his parents about  such things . 24 is not particularly young  nor do you sound immature in other practical  ways , though if I may  so,  your communications do sound  as if  you  incline to petulant silences when upset. 

Basically when to get engaged, married and have children  is – or certainly should be – your own  adult  business. 

  

Post # 34
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well if his parents are married at 30 something, then I could see where that “young” comment is coming from, don’t you? It will be different if you decided to get married and they are angry or disapprove. And I really think it’s pretty normal to talk about engagement to family.

Talk again with your bf.

 

Post # 35
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

You might not be too young, but your boy is. Any guy who holds his family’s opinion higher than is partner’s is too young for marriage. Have a conversation about your expectations and be willing to follow through with breaking up if he isn’t willing to do some growing up.

Post # 36
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

chocco :  I think the only people who know if you’re too young for engagement/marriage is you and you Boyfriend or Best Friend, if you guys feel ready and you’ve had all the big chats ie. children, religion, politics, what kind of lifestyle you want to lead, your life goals ect. then I see no reason why you shouldnt get engaged. Only you guys know if you’re ready, but you sound independent and level headed enough by vertue of questioning whether or not you are ready, that in itself shows maturity. 

Post # 37
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Opinion on this completely depends on where you live and what is “normal” in your area and family.

He should be able to talk to his family about things like this. That’s what they are for. Given how old his parents were when they got married their answer isn’t surprising. Keep in mind that was just their advice based on their experience, and not a judgement on you. PLenty of people agree with the get married when you want kids, if you want to marry them now you have your whole lives, no rush, you live together, philosophy.

Just because his parents said they thought it was to young doesn’t mean you both have to take said advice. He discussed it with you. You said waiting was fine. If he sees himself spending the rest of his life with you he likely doesn’t care if you get engaged this minute or 3 years from now.

I had a teacher who was with her SO for 18 years before they got married! 

 

Post # 38
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

chocco :  24 is not too young at all. I got married at 24 after being with my significant other for 8 years. My mom was 20 and my dad was 25 when they got married, and actually, my dad’s parents told him that my mom was too young and they should wait to get married, but he didn’t listen and my grandparents came around to the idea really quickly when my dad showed them the ring he saved up to buy and my mom said yes. Now 26 years later they are still together and happy! Also keep in mind most parents will always think their kids are too young because they still picture you that way.

Post # 39
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

chocco :  Ah, so that makes a lot more sense. You should definitely talk to him about that/see if that’s where the elopement ideas are coming from. My family tends to discourage young(er) marriage. FI’s family is super “don’t have kids before you’re in your thirties”, which is a similar sort of view. You have to do what’s right for you, but recognizing where his ideas/his family’s hesitation comes from might help you navigate that.

Post # 40
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I got engaged at 23 and married at 24, so no, I don’t think it’s too young. You seem mature enough just from reading your comments.

 

I would be bothered by the fact that he’s basing his relationship decisions on his family’s opinion. Is that what you’re upset about? 

Post # 42
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

If you want to be with this man, you need to be able to communicate with him. Just talk to him! You’re making this more complicated than it needs to be.

You can just say “I know you said that we could get married sooner than later if I wanted it but that made me feel etc etc”.

I’m not clear what is stopping you just saying what you’ve said on here about how you feel to him?

Post # 43
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

chocco :  You are not too young. 24, after the years you’ve been together is plenty old enough for both engagement and marriage. You and your boyfriend are also both out of school and have some financial and job security and a place to live outside of your parents’ homes. 

I would just start a new conversation with yor boyfriend. You can say, “I know the last time we talked about engagement after you talked to your parents I said I’m fine with waiting, but the truth is that I would love to get engaged now. I don’t want to wait, and I feel that we’re old enough and mature enough to make this decision on our own. How would you feel about getting engaged soon? Perhaps this year? Also, were you serious when you talked about eloping? Would you actually be interested in that?”

From there you can naturally transition the conversation to more concrete timeline discussions and thoughts about the type of wedding or elopement you’d want. 

Post # 45
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I think how you both manage this discussion says a lot about your readiness to get married.  I will admit I haven’t read this thread very closely but I think somewhere to start is to think about why you want to get married to your boyfriend and any pros & cons in your mind of doing it soon vs. in a few years.  Then I’d use that for the basis of your conversation with him.  I feel like how that conversation goes says a lot.  I also agree with you that proposing to someone to make them happy aren’t great reasons.

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