I spoke to my boyfriend and, thankfully, turns out that perhaps I really was overreacting.
I told my boyfriend that I had said that I didn’t mind waiting out of frustration, and that I would actually prefer to be married sooner rather than later. I didn’t want to wait for years.
I explained that I was annoyed that he said it in a way that made me feel that our engagement was about only my happiness and that he didn’t care. I also said that I felt a little hurt that he took his family’s opinion about whether he should marry me.
To this he said that he certainly spoke about it to his family, but not to get their opinion. After a bit of pushing he told me that he wanted to ask them about whether he could have his late grandmother’s ring to propose to me, as he was very close to her. This was the primary reason that this came up and he was surprised that I just assumed that he was asking them for their opinion. When he first told me that he’d spoken to them, he only told me that he’d mentioned that we were considering getting married to them and they said what they did, so I assumed he asked them for advice. Looks like they offered it without him asking.
Also, he clarified that he didn’t mean that he didn’t want to marry me when he said we can get engaged sooner if I wanted. He said that he just felt that he saw the point of marrying before having kids because he didn’t want kids out of wedlock, but that other than that, getting married would change nothing. When I questioned him further, he said that we already live like a married couple (referring to the fact that we’ve lived together for years, have a joint account for our salaries, make long term plans together, etc).
I told him that it mattered to me, and asked whether he could see us getting engaged this year.
I was expecting him to say that he’ll propose in a few months or towards the end of the year near our birthdays, but he said that he had considered proposing within the next couple of months. I was surprised at this but I’m thrilled! I asked him again because I was surprised that he’d actually been thinking about it, and he said that spring would be a good time.
So yes, I’m very happy and can’t wait to be engaged!
I asked him about his elopement comments, and he said that he meant what he said. That he found the setting that we’d watched on TV (on the beach) very romantic and it was his kind of thing.