Too young to get engaged? Been together 6 years

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
chocco :  You already know your partner, and have a good idea if you two would work in the long run. I am 24 and may get enagaged within the year and Ive only know my partner for 2 years. My younger sis is engaged to be married this year at 20. It’s about the couple. 

 

Now, did he just bring it up with his fam to let him know what he is thinking, or did he ask for advice/their input? Theres a difference. Maybe let him know that each relationship is different and you think that its time for yours. If being with you 6 years he cant decide if its too early or not, what would being together another few years do? You already went through the cutsie stages, and the arguments and are comfortable with each other. No point in waiting UNLESS you guys have big milestones planned where a wedding (not marriage) would get in the way.

 

Talk to your SO. Best of luck! 🙂

Post # 47
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

So I’m in a similar boat-ish! We met when we were 13, but didn’t start dating until we were 17. We both knew pretty early on in our relationship that marriage was in our future. Now we are 22, living in our own apartment (aka financially independent), starting our careers and getting married this summer (after 5 years together). Not to mention, our families are very supportive! (In fact, before we announced our plans to get married this summer, his grandmother had asked if we were considering marriage!)

Honestly, I think it is less about age more about 1. your own maturity 2. whether you/him and your relationship is ready for it and 3. where you guys are in life. If you guys were 24, both living with your parents and still trying to figure out what your path is in life (whether that’s what you want our of life, your career, or whatever it may be), then I would say you should probably hold off. But if you guys are both ready to start a life together and have the abilty to do so, why not? There’s no point in waiting JUST for the sake of waiting, if you guys are 110% ready.

Post # 48
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I wonder if his parents meant ‘young’ more in the context of life experience and possibly experiencing other people/travel/new things/other ways of living? You sound responsible and mature, but is it possible his parents are worried that you both have ‘limited’ yourselves to each other from a very young age?

Post # 51
Member
864 posts
Busy bee

I’m glad this worked out for you! 
I totally understand what happend with you saying “it’s fine” or not replying to the comment about elopement. I strugged too so much with the idea that so many people view women as “crazy” if they are wanting to be engaged/married soon, and that if you ask about it too much you’re “nagging”. I know it’s not true, but as someone who typically was very laid back about many issues, I actually found it extremely hard to deal with myself and had to admit that I am not laid back about this! So I was simultaneously upset that we weren’t engaged yet, but AT LEAST as upset with myself for being upset about it. Ahhh!
It takes courage and guts to go back and say “you know what, I know I said earlier “no rush” but I have been thinking about it a lot since and I think that first reaction wasn’t honest with how I really feel” so go you!

Post # 52
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: By the lake

I got married at 26 and he was 25 (passed away at 32) This was in the mid 90s.  I wasn’t fully independent neither was he.  But when we became a couple, we made it financially.  We were able to rent an apartment together and eventually later bought our first house and had 2 children.  Now,  if you have to ask about your situation,  maybe you guys are not quite ready.  We didn’t discuss our plan to our family.   We just did it.  And in happy we did.   Do what feels right for both of you.   Whatever will make both of you happy.   Just don’t depend on your parents with finances if any obstacles arises.   Good luck with your decisions. 

Post # 53
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

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twentytwentybride :  OP has recent updates answering her financial, and relationship situation. 

Post # 54
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

CONGRATULATIONS BEE! I am thrilled it’s working out so smoothly for you! I hope the engagement is a memorable one and a smooth marriage!  Not many men would have given those responses when you inquired about engagement and marriage, so yes, I am very happy for you!!

Post # 55
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

Our ages are pretty much identical (my fiancé is the same age as you, I’m a year younger) we get married in 45 days! After an 18 month engagement. It’s absolutely NOT too young, I’m actually the oldest person in my family to get married, nearly 3 years older than my mum was (there are ZERO divorces as well) so don’t listen to anyone who says you’re too young, it sounds like you guys are financially stable and independent and so I don’t see an issue at all, have another discussion and be honest with everything. If it feels right then it probably is!

Post # 56
Member
10989 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
chocco :  

Bee, his family told him you were too young and your response was ‘fine, no hurry’.  Does that sound like good, clear, adult communication to you? Now you have to try to walk that back.

If his family’s opinion has the power to influence your bf’s major life decisions, he definitely is not ready to get married.

Learning to communicate your feelings, wants and needs in a direct manner is mandatory if you want to have a happy healthy marriage. And, your bf needs to mature out of allowing his family to be in charge of his future.

Post # 57
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Age is just a number honey 🙂 

 

My hubcub and I were together two days short of six years when we got married and we started dating at 17/18. I agree with other bees here that it’s all about emotional maturity and if you can financially support yourself. Marriage is a LOT of work so adding money troubles on top doesn’t help at all!

I’d say he needs to get off his behind and get to it!

Post # 58
Member
9563 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

We got engaged around your age, after 7+ years together. We had a long engagement though since we couldn’t agree on what kind of wedding to have (I didn’t want one!). But now we’re 30 and married with a baby, so it all worked out somehow 😂

Post # 59
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2021

I got married when I was 21. My now-husband and I had known each other since we were 15, we were financially independent, and we knew we wanted to be together forever. 

“Too young” is very, very relative.

His family may not think it’s wise – and a family’s input about major life decisions is normal for him to seek if they are close and functional -but that is ultimately something you and your boyfriend have to talk about a bit more. Keep the communication open. 

 

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