Post # 1
Me and my Boyfriend or Best Friend are ring shopping to get engaged soon. We are 22 and in university, he graduates this year but I still have 4 years left. My career is very long (7 years) and I have always known I was comfortable with getting married before graduating. We have been together for 5 years, survived 6 months of long distance, lived together for 1 year. We are truly best friends and I know he is Mr Right.
We agreed on him not doing the whole asking for my parents blessing so naturally they will find out after the proposal.
I casually mentioned to my mom we have talked about taking the next step soon, although she has known we are the one for each other for a long time. I didnt say anything about the ring or our timeline, but she was quite shocked and said we are too young to get married. Keep in mind she got married at 18 and it ended up on a messy divorce, so Im assuming those are her fears projected onto me.
Im worried about how she s going to react to the news. I ve thought about being more open with our timeline with her but I feel it would ruin the surprise/excitement of our engagement, and that she will try to talk me out of it. I just have this picture in my head of everyone being so happy and excited for us and now Im afraid that maybe that wont be the reaction we ll get, not just from her but from other people too.
She has made me doubt if we are in fact too young to be doing this?? We know this is what we want, but in our area the average age for marriage is 33, and although I hate it I am the type of person that cares about what people think.
Post # 2
I don’t think 22 is too young to get engaged, specially if you’ve already lived together for a year. You do you! I’m sure your mom is just scared because of what she went through but she’ll be trilled when you tell her you’re engaged
Post # 3
Engaged last month at 24 after dating for 7 years and 3 years bicoastal long distance, and I have to say a lot changes after graduating school. I’m not here to judge whether you’re too young to get married or not, since I will also be getting married relatively young at 25. However, I would say it is wise to go into this with the understanding that you will have a longer engagement (1.5-2 years). I think there is so much value in taking that little bit of extra time before you’re legally bound to each other, and in the grand scheme of things either way you’re together and doing life together. Whether you’re husband and wife at 23 versus 25 doesn’t matter much in terms of numbers, but it will matter a good deal in terms of where you are emotionally, financially, and in your relationship.
Post # 4
fiancetobee : I hope that’s the case, thank you for your comment
newbee5 : Yes we definitely want a long engagement (2 years or a bit less), thanks for your advice and congratulations on getting engaged!
Post # 5
Hey bee, just coming on here to share our brief story. My husband and I were high school sweethearts and after the year and a half mark I knew he was the one. He says he knew by 6 months and proposed just after our 3 year anniversary, we were both 21. We married a year and a month later, a couple months after graduating with our bachelor’s degrees, we were both 22. I continued on to pursue a Master’s degree the following year and he began working full time (I am finishing this spring and he will be starting his grad program in the fall).
This all goes to say that for some couples, it makes sense and it works. We haven’t regretted getting married so young, and the older we get, the more I realize just HOW young we were.
However, my parents were initially reserved when we told them we were engaged (they knew we were in it for the long run, but we also did not share our timeline with them prior). The four of us sat down together a week after the proposal to talk out the details and their main concern was that we knew what we were getting ourselves into so young. Their concerns about how we would pay for things, handle graduate school, wedding costs, living costs that change once you’re married etc. were valid and my partner and I respectfully listened to them and then communicated at length and in clear detail all of our plans and why we wanted to get married when we did. They were overjoyed and shared in our excitement fully after that.
Had that conversation not happened, I don’t think our relationship would be as good as it is now (and wedding planning would have been awful without my mom excited and by my side every step of the way).
My advice to you and your partner is to take the time to listen to the concerns your parents have, internalize them and realize they have valid reasons to be unsure of your age and the commitment you want to make so early. Be sure you both really do have a plan and have thought through all possible complications that come with marrying young, and be prepared to answer all their questions honestly and openly.
Post # 6
If one of my friends had gotten engaged junior year of college, I would have been really worried that they were too young.
But I don’t know you. You know you.
Post # 7
newbeegirl : I loved hearing your story! Thank you for your advice, I will definitely make sure to have a talk with my mom (when the time comes) and my boyfriends family as well. I was wondering what living costs change when married? We already live together independently
amongclouds : we are actually not from the US so we don’t have college, only university. My boyfriend is starting his 5th and last year & I’m starting my 4th year this March! So if I’m not mistaken junior year would have been our 3rd, now he’d already graduated & I’d be a senior
Post # 8
Statistically, getting married younger is less likely to last than getting married when you are older. I forget the age classed as ‘young’. I think it’s under 25. That’s not to say your specific relationship will not last, but that’s why there’s the stigma. It’s sort of just something you’ll have to contend with.
I got engaged at 23 and married at 24. No it didn’t last. The reason, you’ll hear time and time again is that 20-30 is the most rapid and significant time for change and growth and couples are therefore more likely to grow apart. I don’t regret getting married young or divorced, it’s part of who I am. I wouldn’t advise anyone against it (unless the circumstances sounded awful!) but nonetheless you have to go in accepting younger marriages are more likely to be problematic.
Post # 9
I don’t think 22 is too young. Everyone’s relationships mature at different rates and individuals mature at different rates too. So while the average may not be ready till their 30s, that doesn’t mean it’s “too early” for *everyone* younger.
It is true that sometimes young people get married and they’re not actually ready or their relationship isn’t actually mature enough (perhaps at a higher rate than those who wait till their 30s) but that’s not always the case. It’s about being honest and assessing your relationship and where it is. I also suggest premarital counseling just to bring in a qualified outsider.
I got married at 24 but I think that if I had started dating my husband sooner (I was 21 when we got together) I would have been ready for marriage even sooner than that.
Post # 10
It could be that because where I’m from college/university starting age and graduation duration is very fluid but I don’t necessarily consider graduation to be the measurement.
Yes, 22 is quite young but if you feel ready then why not. But if you are feeling a bit off then there is no harm waiting a while. If you are going to be together rest of your lives then doing it soon or alter with make a difference.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
I got married at 22 and divorced 9 years later. So yeah, I think its too young.
Post # 12
I got married at 23 and divorced 15 years later, but we would have stayed married the rest of our lives if not for a major incompatibility that had nothing to do with our youth at marriage. We were ready and mature enough then. Each couple is different.
Post # 13
I don’t think 22 is too young. Divorce can happen at any age and there is no guarantee waiting until you’re older to marry will make for a life-long marriage. It sounds like you found an amazing partner and relationship so congratulations! No sense in fearing the future just because it didn’t work out for someone else. Plenty of other people who married young and are still together decades later.
Post # 14
You know what’s right for you. No one else, even your family, can really know that. I’m sure your mom just wants you to be okay and happy, and that’s her job. It’s sweet that she is concerned. Carefully process with your intended what she’s said, make an informed decision together, and you’ll be fine. If it works out, wonderful. If it doesn’t, it’s part of life and it’s a lesson, just like anything else. But it also may fall apart because of your age, OR work beautifully absolutely regardless of your age. It may not be the good or bad thing about the marriage.
Post # 15
I don’t think you’re too young! My husband proposed during our last year of college when we were 21. We got married 1.5 years after that. We are now 25 and have been married almost 3 years and together for almost 7 years, we moved in together after 7 months lmao. Only you know if you’re ready, I think it all comes down to maturity. We were both independently living when we met, paid our own bills ect.