(Closed) Too young? What’s your opinion?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: What age is too young to get married?
    Anything younger then 25. : (61 votes)
    22 %
    Anything younger then 20. : (116 votes)
    42 %
    You're too young. Period. : (31 votes)
    11 %
    It doesn't matter as long as you both have college educations and good careers. : (41 votes)
    15 %
    Other, explained below. : (30 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My rule of thumb was “I want to be old enough to participate in my own champagne toast”.  That being said, I don’t think it’s about age so much as it is life experience.  Even though I started dating Fiance when we were 17/18, we waited until I’d graduated college, gotten a job, and lived on my own (I’ll actually be 24 when we marry).  In my opinion, you should be independent and self-sufficient before getting married.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2548 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Well I guess I would say any age where you still need a parents consent would perhaps be too young. I don’t think under 20 is too young. My bf’s grandparents who are now 85, and 93, are still married,and his grandmother was 19 at the time. It depends on your religion, culture, and love and devotion for one another. However, if you still need your parents permission, then I think that might be too young, because you should at least be an adult before making a decision like marriage.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1020 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    under the age of 18 is too young, no exceptions.

    after that, i think if you have to ask “am i too young?”, you’re too young to get married.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3295 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    i think age is not a huge issue, although i do think 21 plus is appropriate, i wouldnt go any younger than that. i think the length of time you have been dating is also significant… if youve only been dating since april of this year, i would be weary (i know i know alot of people just know, but i like to think that in the 4 years i have spent with my fi, i have learned alot about him that im glad i found out before we are married). college and careers are important too… keep that in mind 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    5670 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think two people need to be at an age in which they can fully support themselves after they get married. I think getting married in a definete step into adult hood and you need to be mature enough to be able to play the game.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    HelloRaeven, this is a pretty contentious topic on the Bee.

    My personal feeling is that a woman should not get married until she is independent. She should have a good education and her own means of financial support. She should have at least a few years of solid work experience under her belt. I think it’s foolish for a woman to go into a marriage without considering the risk that it will fail and having no means to fend for herself. The divorce rates are currently around 50%, and they are even higher for young couples.

    I also believe that a woman should not be making a lifetime commitment to someone else before she even knows herself. It takes some time to discover who you are, to learn and grow from life’s challenges. Most people are pretty sheltered from adult challenges until they’ve lived on their own for some time. And then it takes even more time to consider all your options and figure out what you want from life.

    Obviously some women will have gained these experiences sooner than others, but generally, I don’t think most women are truly read for marriage until about their mid-20’s.

    Post # 9
    Member
    165 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I have to say I was freaked out at age 23 about getting married when an ex-boyfriend proposed. I freaked since I just got out of college and wanted to experience life a little. See, I was a very different person at age 18 than now at age 28. I met my now fiance when I was 25, and we are getting married in 49 days, I’ll be 28.

    You are learning to be an adult and learn about taking care of yourself, what you like, what you dont like. I’ve had several friends that got married right out of high school and they wish they had taken time to get to know themselves as independent adults for a little while before making such a huge decision such as marrying at a young age.

    I’ve also realized that when I was younger, it was about how hot the guy was, how much money he made, if he spoiled me or whatever. I was immature back then. I feel as a woman now, I focus on the important things, like how he treats me day to day, his personality, if he is responsible and dependable, etc. I waited 10 years to find the right guy, and I am so happy!

    But you are an adult now and you can make your own decisions, that’s the beauty of being on your own. Just realize this is a decision that you shouldn’t take lightly, that you definitely shouldn’t treat this as a marriage that can be easily solved with divorce if things go bad. Travel, go to school, do some things on your own. You will be better for it, I promise.

    Marry for all the right reasons, with the right intentions and the right attitude. Most of all, it’s about you two, your new lives together and your commitment to one another. Good luck to you and if there are people that say you are too young just say you understand their point of view but you personally know you are ready and so is your fiance. It’s no one’s business to tell you what to do.

    Post # 10
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    First off – you’re 18 and have been dating someone for 7 months.  Marriage really shouldn’t be on your mind yet, IMO.

    Personally, I think that you should be able to participate in your own champange toast at your wedding (i.e. be at least 21 when you get married).  I also think that you should have spent some time living fully on your own and supporting yourself 100% (i.e. full-time job, paying for rent, tuition (if still in school), food, insurance, bills, etc).

    Lastly, if you have to question whether you are too young to get married ….. you are 100% too young to get married.

    Post # 11
    Member
    14403 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I do think that 21 and getting married before even getting out of college (when taking the ‘usual’ steps in life, highschool, 4 yr college, finishing about 21 yrs old) is too young.  Some exceptions maybe would be if you have been completely out on your own since like 18 and completely supported your way through school with a full time job.  For myself, 21 was definitely too young.  I didn’t work full time during college and just lived the “normal” college life – full time classes, on campus side job.  That’s not really what life is truely like, so I felt/feel that if you have never really supported yourself (or could) then you’ve barely entered “real life” and should not be deciding to commit your life to someone just yet. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I don’t think that your age is relevant as much as your maturity levels.  I know that I was not ready to get married in my 20s at all.  I’ll be 32 on my wedding day and I still feel like a kid a lot of times. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Mrs.KMM: I was basically going to say the exact same thing.

    Post # 14
    Member
    176 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I agree with FutureKMM.

    And really, you’re 18. Enjoy being young and in love. Don’t worry about getting a ring right now, it’ll just add stress to the relationship.

    Post # 15
    Member
    165 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Very good advice… I was a little different in that I supported myself through college, had to pay my own rent, work, etc. I guess it does depend on if you learned to be an adult or not. I just feel for these girls that think marriage is like a fairy tale and everything is wonderful and they will be taken care of. Marriage takes work and being immature and naive is just a disaster waiting to happen.

    Post # 16
    Member
    362 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I voted the “other” vote, because in my personal experience I got married at 19yrs old. We had been together for 3yrs at that point. Well long story short we were married a whole 2yrs and he cheated and we got divorced. Once we got into the “real world” , away from high school and parents and met new ppl it wasn’t right.

    Now, my little sister got married at 23yrs old and they are just happy as can be with a house and a baby. So, IMO it depends on the ppl.

     

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