- 10 months ago
Hello girls! I am back :)) I took a much needed weddingbee break and I have a small update. Need your advice as it was very helpful last time.
A little bit of background:
I’ve known my SO since 2015, together as a couple since 2016, have been living together since 2017, have pets together.
SO is 8 years older than me. (I am in my late 20s, he is in his late 30s) He has a great career, a business, is a tall handsome guy. He is very respected among his family, friends, colleagues. He never once did anything wrong. I have a difficult personality (I suspect undiagnosed bipolar) and he is very patient with me. He is loyal and the main breadwinner (I contribute as well but I don’t have a career, just a job and also assist him with our business).
When we met I was still in love (or so I thought) with my ex (not a bad breakup, we just couldn’t make it work as he was moving back to his home country) and I missed him deeply. SO put up with months of me moaning and grieving about my past love. Not sure why he stayed, he said his feelings grew very fast and half a year later I developed feelings for him as well (for me it takes a while to like and love someone). From the getgo he was very serious. He wanted to move in, introduced me to his family and friends. He made it clear to them that I will be his future wife (everyone treats me like I am his wife) They are very welcoming, warm and friendly and I absolutely adore them. He was never a guy to avoid wedding talk or kids talk (like so many of my friends’ SOs) and I couldn’t believe that after not dating for that long we developed such a great bond and we going strong. I never had any bad breakups before and I was just thinking it’s going way too smooth. I was scared to get married quickly as I know a lot of people (including my family members) who got divorced so I told him I wasn’t ready to get married. He would bring it up pretty often (us getting married, possible dates). I also had other personal reasons why I didn’t want to get married just after a year of dating which I don’t want to mention them to remain anonymous. Where I am from people get married very fast (waiting a year is considered to be weird and common law is frowned upon). In North America I noticed that people wait longer which I prefer. I also love the idea of proposals, wedding showers and all that. It all sounds very romantic to me. We spoke about proposals a lot too (He always initiated it)
HOWEVER… end of 2018 / beginning of 2019 I started wondering when is it going to happen? I am an impatient and anxious person…I stumbled on this forum (thank god!) and shared my story. Most bees said that I should be more open and tell him that I am finally ready, have a serious conversation. It was really hard for me… (I don’t know why but so many girls feels the same way too!) I avoided it for a while. There were a lot of opportunities for him to propose, he missed a lot of them and it is quite upsetting. I am pretty sure he knows that I want a proposal on the beach (we travel a lot and I love the ocean) Anyways, right before we left on another trip 3 months ago we were slightly tipsy after a night out and I just bluntly asked him (alcohol gave me courage) – why are we still not married. This question didn’t faze him. He said that he thought I was in no rush and that I told him many times in the past that I wasn’t ready. So I explained to him that I am finally ready but I messed up a little but as I was drunk and I started talking about the rings right away. I was offended that he never really asked me what type of rings I like and a lot of guys do this (so I heard). He then asked me what I want – I described him the ring of my dreams. We talked about the budget and then finally he said – Baby, let’s do it next year. We had too much excitement this year (true but so what??) and I want it to be a surprise…Then he proceeds onto saying that we will go to another country and he will propose to me (how is this a surprise???) I guess he remembered that I wanted an exotic proposal (not anymore, at this point I don’t mind him proposing at home!!) Anyways…I forgot to tell him (as I wasn’t sober) that I might not be able to travel next year and also,… 2020 is so freaking far away!! Are you kidding me? ….So yes, thanks to some bees on this forum I did move onto the next step and had a conversation with him but do you guys think that what he said doesn’t make much sense. Why wait till spring 2020?
*I want to point out he was slightly tipsy, I was borderline drunk and I fear that I can start this conversation only under similar circumstances. It’s really frustrating. I always thought it would be a nice surprise and not me interviewing him.
* I’ve read a lot of posts on here and I’ve noticed that most bees who are waiting for a LONG time (to me it’s more than 4 years depending on your age of course – I am talking late 20s-30s). Their SOs all had red flags such as avoiding wedding talk, avoiding talking about proposals, kids etc… In my case he loves it and he brings it up all the time (his friends’ proposals and all that). He talks about it passaionately (our dream destintation wedding etc) Talking about kids also makes him happy. He is also planning a lot of things for us in the future. 99% he keeps his word. He never disappointed me in the past. However, I feel like the resentment started to grow…Not sure what to do next? Just wait??
*I changed some little details because I might have people I know on here and I want to stay anonymous