(Closed) TOP HAT, tails, and cane??? Inspiration, please!

posted 11 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
8247 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Could you compromise and get him to wear tails without the top hat and cane?  Tails would still not really fit with shabby chic but then he could feel like you aren’t completely shunning his idea and are instead letting him have some fun with his outfit.

If you are getting married in a church, you could point out that people don’t typically wear hats in church (so what’s the point of the top hat).  Plus, what is he going to do with a cane during the ceremony?

If he still won’t give it up, maybe let him take some fun pictures with the top hat and cane and take them to the reception but not wear them for the ceremony / majority of your pictures.

Hopefully one of these compromises will work!

Post # 5
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My Fi is the same way! He wore a top hat & tails to prom in high school (his date was not happy when he showed up!) and had really been hoping to have a top hat and tails for our wedding, but it really didnt fit the formality of our wedding (which is not so formal) so I found a grey pin stripe suit he likes and told him that I have no problem with a coordinating hat (which I think he may have forgot about, but we’ll see) with the condition that we take some pictures before the hat goes on, so his hair isnt all messed up. 🙂

Have you tried talking to him about the style/formality of the wedding? Show him examples of the dresses/suits/tuxes you are imagining and explain how they might “fit” your wedding better. Maybe you two could have some formal e-pics taken with him wearing his chosen outfit and you in a formal gown (I’m picturing it with a horse carriage ride!) Or like others have suggested, maybe talk him down to just a hat or just tails, etc. 

The link to the picture you posted actually is a great example of pulling off this style (though I dont think they had tails or canes). If it’s specifically top hats you dont love, maybe the two of you could find a store specializing in fine hats and have him try on several styles (if you compliment and act excited about a different hat, maybe he will change his style “vision” to look good for you!)

I would probably veto the cane (although he may just realize its awkward and put it down somewhere) and try to reason with him on the other two points (but it might be worth a compromise – how would you feel if he started telling you what kind of wedding dress you can or cant wear? Or use that and show him the most hideous dress you can find so that you both want to change the others style and can negotiate from there 🙂

Post # 6
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

i think its really cute that your Fiance has dreamt about what he will wear on his wedding day!  As FutureKMM said, he won’t be able to do the top hat and cane in church and he’ll probably get tired of them at the reception.  tails aren’t all that bad.  maybe just let him have this one?  I hear what your saying though.. my Fiance wanted to wear a bow tie and tux but we’re having more of a casual wedding, so i described what i had in mind–slick grey suits with skinny ties and aviators, now he’s excited about that instead.

Post # 8
7086 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Google – top hat wedding.  LOL

Post # 10
7086 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Show the Fiance this, maybe it will help.

No matter how you refer to them (tailcoats, tuxedo tails or full dress tails), they are still the most formal and most elegant option for any formal affair. However, tailcoats should only be worn to formal affairs that are specifically “white tie” invitation. It would not be appropriate to wear tails to an invitation that calls for “black tie”, as only a tuxedo should be worn to these types of affairs. The only exception are white tuxedo tails, which are a very popular style for the groom in many cultures.

Ralph Lauren Tailcoat & Trousers - Super 100's Wool Tails


Post # 11
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Top hats can be rather expensive for ones that are well constructedvictorian vintagelook good (and not cheap).

just a thought.

Post # 12
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Check out this link- third picture down


I think it looks really smart. You might try loking up suits or photographer in England, here it is quite normal (although formal) to wear top and tails, and a waistcost etc.

In fact, Its so noraml, im having a hard time finding a nice, fitted modern suit for my groom to rent!


I tihknk it could work with the theme, butit will certainly make your wedding a bit more formal (and possibly expensive!)


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