- 3 years ago
Hello everyone. I guess I want some perspective from you all. I have a great guy who I’ve known I want to marry for a long time. We’ve been dating for two years and he’s absolutely wonderful. He’s been talking about getting married for about a year and there have been some disagreements because I kept feeling let down he hadn’t proposed yet based on the things he had said. I wanted to get engaged before moving in together too. He’s moving far far away with me—packing up his whole life and starting over just to be with me and help me live out my dreams (see? Amazing right?!). I know he wants to propose before we move (in 3 weeks) and he wants to use a family heirloom ring. Here’s where I’m torn—he has done zero planning in terms of the ring. He hasn’t even had it resized and he knows it’s the one shape I dislike and hasn’t had it recut or anything (the original “owner” of the ring doesn’t care if he alters it). Also he hasn’t involved my aunt who’s a jeweler in the ring process which is important to me. So in a way I feel he hasn’t put any effort into the ring. Like he has spent zero money or time on something I have to wear every day for the rest of my life. Part of me wants to think rings are silly and just a dumb superficial thing and I realize all of the work he has done in every other arena besides the ring. On the other hand, I like the symbolism of him giving me soemthing that shows how well he knows me and makes me feel special. He says I can do stuff to the ring after he proposes but that’s way less fun and takes the meaning out of it for me. Also what if he proposes and it doesn’t even fit?! Talk about awkward. And I feel like that’s kind of lazy and like he’s only proposing now because he knows I want to be engaged before living together but I want his heart to be in it (aka he’s taken time to plan with getting a perfect ring, etc). Help me reframe my thinking here! I’m so lucky to have him but can’t shake these feelings about the ring and rushed proposal!