(Closed) Torn about proposal and meaning of ring

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should take him up on altering the rign AFTER he’s proposed.  I know exactly what I want and I annoyed the life out of my poor Fiance because i sent him the same exact picture every single day for at least a month.  I even picked out the stone.  I think for you to get exactly what you want, you need to be involved.  You shouldn’t expect him to do everything just because you feel it should be that way.  Just like marriage, the act of becoming engaged takes hard work on both ends.  It should just fall on him.

Post # 17
Member
10313 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

What does the ring look like now OP? Is it a princess cut and you prefer round? 

Post # 18
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

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Horseradish :  i didnt know the history/meaning of that term – thank you for letting us know!

Post # 19
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

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docinlove484 :  hes an adult – no one is “forcing” him to use their ring. I assume he has his own bank account and can go buy his own ring for you if he REALLY wanted to.  Just my two cents. 

Im a firm believer in – if you are very specific about the ring (like i was – i picked my ring out) pick it out so you don’t have to worry. there’s nothing wrong with that.

but my problem with your story is that it seems like hes using his family pressure as an excuse…. 

if you’re adult enough to get engaged and get married – you’re adult enough to have tough conversations. tell him how you feel – th meaning you’re attaching to the ring/his actions or lack thereof and let him know you’re seriously worried about resenting him for be lazy/cheap. 

Post # 22
Member
1429 posts
Bumble bee

I haven’t read through the comments here so maybe it’s been addressed, but this is something that bothers me pretty often.

You guys both want to get married, right? It’s 2018, right? You’re in a partnership, right? He’s not the “head” of your household and in charge of all your decisions, right?

Why does *he* have to be the one to show that he’s willing to put work into a proposal? Why does *he* have to show how well he knows you and pick out a perfect ring before proposing so it’s fun for *you* and you don’t have have to do any work?

He’s offering to propose and then let you choose your own ring because it will make you happy with the ring, will put less pressure on him, and will be more fun for him.

Post # 23
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

As someone who was going to be proposed to with a family heirloom and turned it down, I am going to say give the ring a chance. I wanted an oval so bad (before they popped up as trendy) and he was going to propose to me with a marquise, which lets be honest they are very outdated. Well I got an oval which I do like but then after being married for 6 months I finally got to see the marquise in person, I was blown away not only from the size but because I really liked the diamond itself. It was vintage cut with so much character and history, basically love at first sight but I hated the setting so after almost a year of wearing it I had it reset to make it my own. 

With you saying that you are strapped for cash currently because of the move would put less stress on him and the relationship then let him propose with the heirloom and if you don’t end up liking it then look at the different options…Recutting will diminish the size of the carat weight which could make it less valuable or if recutting into a different shape will increase the value and cut quality of the diamond then do it, otherwise selling the ring as a whole will yield more earning towards a new diamond once funds become available. 

As you have already stated the man is the end game not the ring, so don’t stress the relationship over something that can be addressed once things become more stable. Life isn’t perfect and doesn’t always turn out how we want, I got what I had considered my “dream ring” but infact the orginal was what turned out to be the perfect fit. 

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