Post # 1
My fiancé wants me to be on his health insurance asap because I ride and show horses and he is afraid of me getting hurt. We’ve been together almost 8 years and basically he doesn’t see why we need to wait. (Keep in mind we just got engaged on 05/29/17!) He threw out the idea that we get married at the courthouse this week and not tell anyone then later on have a big traditional wedding with family and friends. I’m torn because I like the idea of not spending a whole bunch on a wedding, but at the same time I’m worried about regretting it later because of my family and his family.
My mom is the only one who knows because he discussed it with her too. She said yes go for it because she married my dad at the same courthouse (and actually his parents got married there too). Problem is I haven’t told my dad and he mentioned the other day about how he’s going to walk me down the asile.
Another issue is my future inlaws. His sister’s wedding was $15,000 and they think that our wedding should be extravagant too. His mother would be so upset if we married at the courthouse without them knowing.
I personally would be ok with marrying at the courthouse then having a BBQ in the backyard after. In laws would probably turn their nose up to it 🙁
Its still so early and nothing is permanent yet. I know it’s OUR day and only what we want should matter. I just feel like it’s not that easy because I don’t want anyone’s feelings hurt.
What do you think?
Post # 2
What you haven’t said is what you want… no one else matters but you and your fiancé.
Post # 3
agreed. Bottom line its about what you want. Dont’ do what someone else wants because then you will never be happy.
Post # 4
How about something in between? We’re having a wedding and reception with 30 people in our family friend’s backyard. The entire cost will be less than $3000 for everything. That could be a good compromise between you and your FI? xoxo
Post # 5
^Ditto. We’re only spending about $3000. It doesn’t matter what others spent on their weddings. IMO, there’s no glory in spending a ton of money on a bigger wedding. If you have the money sitting around, great – but not a lot of people do. It’s not worth going into debt. Let the ILs turn their noses up! It’s not their place to spend your money on a one-day party.
Either way, I’d really recommend against secrecy. Don’t lie to anyone. If you choose to have a private wedding or elopement, tell everyone and you forgo the whole big-wedding lah-dee-dah.
Post # 6
Sounds like I’m your heart and mind you’ve already made a choice. Don’t get caught up in what others want bee- it’s about you and your fiancé. Have the intimate courthouse wedding – get your dad to escort you so he’s not missing out. If your Inlaws want to throw money at you – let them pay for a reception and have a fancy upmarket BBQ .
Post # 7
I would rather put 15 K down on a home or in savings or whatever…. not on a one day event, as beautiful as that may be.
I like the ‘something in the middle’ idea~ although I totally agree with the other posters that you and your Fiance need to decide for yourselves what is really important to you. If it’s a big wedding, then sure. Plan and enjoy. If it’s something else, decide with certainty what that is, what it will look like and then TELL your family and his what that will be. If you say, ‘ we are thinking about….blah blah blah’ then you will get others’ input and opinions BUT if you say we are doing X, then they’ll have to deal with it.
If there is some sentimentality about marrying at the courthouse bc your parents and grandparents did that…. then do it! Of course invite your IL’s and have a small guest list. Follow it up with a nice dinner at a restaurant. One of my friends planned to do this….the restaurant they selected had a separate banquet room, they decorated it beautifully and had a lovely dinner with wine/ champage with a small wedding cake afterward. they still had a photographer and it they were every bit as married as anyone else. 🙂
Post # 8
We went to a courthouse, but still plan on doing a bigger, traditional ceremony down the road. DH is in the military so it just made sense for us money wise, insurance wise, etc. We are very happy! Plus it was nice to have it be so personal!
Post # 9
I was torn between the courthouse vs. A super small wedding. We went with the small wedding, and I kind of regret not just doing the courthouse. Even my tiny wedding is stressful.
It depends on how stressed you get, or how much you WANT to do!
Post # 10
If his idea is to get married at the courthouse but still have a big ‘wedding’ later on then I don’t see how that saves you money! And I do think it can be quite sad for the parents when their children get married without even telling them. Why don’t you have a tiny little wedding with just immediate family? It will be much easier to organise and you can even and you can make it be really elegant (if that’s what you want) and still have it be cheap because you’re not paying for hundreds of meals.
Post # 11
Agree entirely . Never a good idea to ‘hide’ a wedding . Eloping is one thing, but a secret wedding is another . I assume OP, you weren’t going to not tell anybody that the big bash party was just that , not an actual marriage ceremony ?
Post # 12
gardener09 : He threw out the idea that we get married at the courthouse this week and not tell anyone then later on have a big traditional wedding with family and friends.
I don’t see how your plan saves you money if it still involves a wedding?
Post # 13
It sounds like the ‘informality’ of a courthouse might be what’s giving you second thoughts? …But it’s a financially sound option nontheless.
How about having a small-family wedding at an all-inclusive venue? Something that will have a lot of the traditional markers (flowers, settings, photographers, an aisle to walk down…) but come with a definate price, usually around 2k.
Getting married the courthouse and no tellling anyone is basically an elopement—which doesn’t sound like the best option considering family wishes.
All the best to you 🙂
Post # 14
How about do both? My best friend did that with her fiance, he’s actually officially her husband, but their BIG wedding is in October of this year and only a few of us know she’s actually been married for almsot a year. Win/Win for everyone! You get your big beautiful day, and you have the legal things ironed out!