Torn, caught him sexting. What would you do? Please help

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

I’d say if you were looking for a sign that it’s time to call it quits, you just got it. 

Post # 3
Member
3294 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

It’s cheating. 

I think you know what to do.

Post # 4
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Oh my, I am so sorry! This would break me and I’m not sure I could get over it. I have always told myself that cheating was one of the worst things you could do to someone and if it happened to me, there would be no second chances. It would just be over. Some guys, once caught, do act extremely apologetic and willing to work things out..and then it will happen again. Is the relationship worth possibly going through this again, maybe even worse (physical cheating?)

Post # 5
Member
6883 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You’re going to conselling for marriage issues, and this is the shit he pulls? NOT OK. 

I’d probably continue with counselling for now, but IDK if I’d be able to forgive that. While YOU are trying to work things out, hes trying to hook up with other girl. 

Post # 6
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Well, you asked what I would do…I would leave. There would be nothing further for me that could resolve this.

For you, that is something only you can answer. Counseling would be a good idea especially in doing just some sessions on your own right now to process. Should you decide to stay, you can look into counseling together. You might look or post on the forum surviving infidelity should you choose to stay or just to process right now what you’re going through.

Cheating can be emotional and/or physical. What your partner did was emotional cheating. So, you do not need to feel like just because he possibly wasn’t physical that you haven’t been cheated on.

I suggest you call your doctor asap and get tests done. There is no telling if he truly hasn’t done anything physical whether with this person or another. It’s better to be safe and get yourself tested.

I’m sorry and wish you the best.

Post # 7
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

alg0188 :  I for one don’t believe this was a one time thing. It sounds like you guys had a lot of other issues before you even discovered this. If he had been desperate to work through things with you and get back the relationship you once had, the last thing he’d be thinking about is sexting random women. He’s got one foot out the door, and it sounds like you do too. 

Why do you want to stay in the relationship? Four years isn’t very long, and you say it’s already been bad for a while. Why keep banging your head against a wall? Marriage shouldn’t be this hard, that’s my take (been with dh for 9 years). 

Post # 8
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I consider this cheating. You caught him this time. How many times has he done this without being caught? He’s going to counseling, but not following through. He may say he wants to keep the marriage together, but he certainly doesn’t show that with this. I would kick him out of the house and start with the separation process. 

Post # 9
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I second the PP that says you should get tested for Save-The-Date Cards. 

Post # 10
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Come on now, he’s completely full of sh*t and doesn’t even sound genuinely remorseful about the incident. This is the first proof that you’ve found which does not mean he hasn’t done anything similar with others or met up with someone in person. Please get tested for Save-The-Date Cards asap. It sounds like you two were hanging on by threads before this so for me this would be more than enough to leave him alone. Life is too short for this disrespectful nonsense.

Post # 11
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

If you are married under 5 years and don’t own any property together, you could always fill out a divorce paper without a lawyer. The process takes 6 months, I think. I would have to read about it again but you can always look it up yourself. 

Post # 12
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee

I am so sorry this happened. For me, it takes a lot to earn my trust so if you break it there is no way in seven hells I could get over such a betrayal.

Post # 13
Member
9785 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

So you are trying to work to save the marriage while he is cheating on you (yes, I absolutely consider this cheating). He spent an ENTIRE day sending sexual messages to this woman. Not once did he think of you or your marriage or if he did he didn’t care. 

This isn’t an “I got drunk and made a mistake” kind of cheating. This is an I was completely sober, completely in my right mind, and spent hours violating your trust and dishonoring our marriage. There was no “Oh my god what did I do?” moment. And there was no remorse. 

You know how I know there was no remorse? Because 1) he didn’t admit to it himself, he was caught and 2) he didn’t accept responsibility (saying he thought it was a joke – liar and then claiming it’s not cheating) when he was caught and tried to blame you.

He is a piece of shit. You deserve better.

Post # 14
Member
29 posts
Newbee

It’s cheating. And I bet he knows that. How would he feel if you had been the one sexting a guy? He got caught and he got mad, he’s not sorry and argues it wasn’t cheating. This sounds like an easy last straw.

Post # 15
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

I think this is it girl. I think this was the last straw. That is cheating and unacceptable.

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