- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
First of all, thank you for taking the time to read this. I don’t know who to talk to, or where I can go to vent, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Also, warning, this gets pretty descriptive.
My husband and I have been married for 4 years now. Our marriage hasn’t been the best for a long time now. We’ve both been contemplating divorce and have voiced how unhappy we are. Between the miscarriages, extended family issues, drinking, anger issues, lack of sex, and the verbal and emotional insults, yeah our marriage has suffered.
Finally after months of asking him to go speak to a marriage counselor with me, he finally agreed; and then this happened. We came home one day, he had left his phone charging in our bedroom. So I went to go plug mine in, when I see he has a message from an unknown number on What’sApp. I thought it was odd, and I got curious so I looked. It broke my heart. My hands started shaking; I felt the hotness and range inside my chest when I realized what it was.
My husband, the man who always told his friends and family to respect their wives to be faithful, was sexting. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe how descriptive and sexual his responses were.
From the messages, I could tell it was a onetime thing. It has just happened earlier that day. Apparently, his number popped up on her contacts so she decided to reach out. He told her he was married, she said she had a boyfriend but he didn’t satisfy her. It got sexual pretty quickly. She asked how big he was. He said she could measure with her mouth. She sent him naked pictures. He said he liked them, but he preferred the actual thing. She said she was free Saturday.
She asked for pictures, he said he needed to get hard to send them. She asked how he got hard, he said with her wet mouth on his dick. She asked if he was big. He said he would have to test it herself. He makes “them” yell and “finish” so he thinks he does a good job, she said she liked the idea. She asked for pictures of him in the shower when he got home, and well you get the idea…
There were no plans made to meet up, but this went on for the entire day while he was at work. When I confronted him about it, he said it was a joke. That he thought it was playing a joke on him, and that while he was at work he told his friends and they encouraged him on what to say. He then got mad at me for looking at his phone and not asking him what that messages was instead of looking.
I told him, if it was a joke how in the world did he think I would find it funny. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to get mad at me. I couldn’t believe he replied, and kept it going ALL day. I couldn’t believe his responses. The next day he apologized, but it didn’t matter to me. The damage was done. To me, he had cheated. To him, he felt like it was mistake, he apologized but he should not be called a cheater because he didn’t physically do anything.
After a few days of not speaking to each other, and me contemplating kicking him out of the house, we went to counseling. There I expressed how much he hurt me. He apologized again. We both cried. Talked about our issues and what we need to fix in our marriage. He seems to want to work at this, but I don’t know…I can’t get the messages out of my head.
What would you do? Would you try to forgive and work at this together since he seems to want this to work? Or would you not be able to get over this and leave him? I am so torn. I’ve been praying and mediating, but my heart just hurts.
My parents are divorced, my father cheated on my mother. Never did I think I would follow in their footsteps. That was the last thing I ever wanted. But how can I get over this? When we talk, when we hold hands, when we try to be intimated, those messages are on mind. It’s just so odd and I have so many doubts now. Am I enough for him? Does he still find me attractive?
Do I forgive him? We all make mistakes and this seems to be a onetime thing. But am I foolish for forgiving him? Am I letting him walk all over me or get away with this? How do I get over this?
If you got this far, thank you for reading this. Any advice/opinions are welcomed. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t help but wonder if maybe this is why I don’t have my babies with me. Maybe they’re much safer in heaven. Thank you again. I don’t know you, but it’s nice to have someone to vent to.